She remembered it from when her first foster dad told her she’d have to wear his younger daughter’s hand me downs, even though they were too small for her, because he wasn’t wasting his money on things for a temporary child.
James Moore could go to hell.
She spent years building up the walls she lowered for him and he had the balls to up and disappear? With a heavy sigh, she wandered into the kitchen and found a note taped to the coffee pot.
Ellie-
This won’t work. Thanks for being willing to help me, but I think it’s best if we just call the whole thing off.
James
She balled the paper up in her fist and squeezed her eyes shut. “Damn right it’s for the best.” Her voice echoed off the walls and rattled around in her skull.
If he was that big of a coward…
If he was so broken that he couldn’t handle a good thing when it literally curled into his lap…
…well…
…then good fucking riddance.
She didn’t have time for that kind of shit in her life.
Ellie raced through her morning, guzzling her coffee when it finished brewing and burning her tongue. At least, with James out of the picture, she could get back to going to sleep at a decent hour. Her mundane life might be boring, but maybe boring was good.
It was a Monday, so she didn’t have to worry about dealing with replacing Ben. Her weekday cook had a key and was already setting things up when Ellie finally arrived. She tried to bury her thoughts in busy work, but by the time she messed up her third order and forgot at least two of her most regular customers’ names, she gave up and called Tessa.
She needed to talk it through.
Needed the thoughts out of her head.
Needed to hear Tessa tell her to say good riddance to him, too.
Ellie picked up her phone and tapped out a text.
You up? Free coffee if you come see me.
She knew Tessa wouldn’t be awake. The sun had only been up a few hours and Tess didn’t open her eyes until morning was well on its way to afternoon. She put the phone down and busied herself by reorganizing the pastry display for the fourth time that morning. After about twenty minutes that idled by like an entire lifetime, her phone buzzed with a return text.
You’re cruel. Coffee necessary. See ya in 10.
Ellie smiled and brewed a fresh pot of Tessa’s favorite blend. She would need at least two full cups of the stuff before she could even begin to focus on Ellie’s story, but that would give her time to decide just how much she wanted to share.
Would it hurt her friend’s feelings to know that Ellie had shared a piece of her past with James when Tess herself didn’t know about it? Probably.
Scratch that. Definitely.
“You’re a cruel and selfish woman,” Tessa said as she pushed through the door, her hair piled high on her head in a messy sports bun and dark sunglasses covering her eyes. “And you’re lucky I love you.”
“Believe me…” Ellie waved a cup of coffee toward Tessa like a white flag of truce. “I’m fully aware of how lucky I am.” She not-so-patiently waited until the caffeine worked its magic on her friend then filled her in on all that happened with James, still trying to decide how to navigate telling her about the way things went down the night before.
“You guys fucked in the office?” Tessa’s eyes were wide and thank God she had the good sense to whisper.
“Yeah. Can you believe it?” Ellie shook her head. “I’m still not sure I can.”
“Was it any good?”
A violent blush flared across Ellie’s cheeks and her eyes lit up. “Very. Best ever status.”
“Wow.” Tessa took a drink of her coffee and stared at Ellie.
“And he’s actually really funny. Really sweet and considerate. He makes me feel less alone.” Ellie frowned. “No, that’s not right. It’s hard to describe. It’s like he’s a prism and he takes the simple parts of me and changes them into something beautiful. And he's also a mirror because I look at him and see myself.”
“I see a big but written all over you face.” Tessa put her coffee down and touched Ellie’s hand. “What happened?”
Without thinking about what to say or how to say it, Ellie filled Tessa in on everything. “Then he showed up drunk at my doorstep and just opened up. Like, poured his heart out to me. He said that caring about someone is scary, and then he told me I scared him. It felt like this big moment. Like we were going to turn some big corner. Like maybe he was one step closer to healing after losing Erin like he did. And then this morning? He’s gone. And he left a stupid note, saying he was calling off our arrangement.”
“So, basically, he admitted that he cared for you.”
Ellie nodded.
“Right after he admitted that caring for someone scared him.”
Ellie nodded again.
“And you’re surprised that you woke up to find him gone?”
“Well, when you put it that way, I guess I shouldn’t be.”
Tessa shrugged. “I get it. You're hurt. You thought you’d crossed some line. But Ellie, you weren’t supposed to cross any lines, remember? The whole relationship is supposed to be fake. He’s not ready to deal with love again or he wouldn’t be using you as a shield against it. And the fact that he’s feeling something for you, when you were his first line of defense against feeling something for anyone? Just imagine how wrecked he’s feeling right now.”
“What about how wrecked I’m feeling right now?”
Tessa flared her fingers. “How honest do you want me to be?”
“I want you to be really honest.”
“This isn’t about you. It’s about him. And he’s broken. So you, being the kind and wonderful person that you are,
