“I’ll take that as a no. And if that’s the case, why are you here being a whiner when you could be making up with your wife and being the husband and father you should be?”
I sat staring at my empty shot glasses.
“Do you love her, man?” Ryder asked, taking the glasses away and giving me a bottle of water.
I dug the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. That was the worst thing about all this. I was angry and hurt, but I loved her. God help me, I love her so much.
“Yes.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been cruel to her. She probably won’t forgive me.”
Ryder rolled his eyes. “Jesus, you pussy. She loves you. She knows she fucked up. If you forgive her, you’ll be one happy family again.”
I nodded and pulled out my wallet to pay.
“On the house. You make things right with my sister.”
“Thanks, man.” I slid off the barstool and shoved my wallet back in my pocket. I gave him a nod and headed toward the door.
“Wyatt.”
“Hmm?” I looked over my shoulder at him.
“Name your next kid after me.”
“That will be up to Sinclair.” I gave him a nod again and then strode out into the night air. I sucked in a breath, working to clear my head. I knew Ryder was right. I was a hypocrite if I expected her forgiveness for leaving how I did, but didn’t forgive her. My action was what started all this. My leaving was the first step in my not knowing about Alyssa.
I wouldn’t have left if I knew about the baby, but because she couldn’t find me, she couldn’t tell me. It was my fault I missed all those years. Alyssa forgave me for that in an instant. Perhaps I needed to learn from her.
I knew from war that life was too short not to savor every moment. And what had I done? I’d lost another two weeks because I was bitter and resentful. If I could let that go, would we finally have the real family I’d been working so hard to have? Or would my recent behavior make Sinclair resistant to me again?
I supposed there was only one way to find out. I climbed into my truck and headed out along the highway toward Sinclair’s parents’ house.
As I pulled into the drive, I had this feeling like my entire future was riding on this moment. If I didn’t do this right, I could lose everything. I looked toward the back of the property at the oak tree where we’d made plans. Hell, we’d probably made Alyssa there.
I was back at the beginning. I was given another chance to make it right. To fulfill the promises that I made to Sinclair. Now I had to hope she was wanting to fulfill them with me.
32
Sinclair
I sat on the back porch drinking the second glass of wine I’d poured since my parents left to take Alyssa to the movies. They invited me along, but I’d reached my threshold of holding it together. I couldn’t function with the weight of what I’d done hanging over me. I’d lost the man I’d loved since I was teenager because I was a selfish, insensitive idiot.
After Wyatt found out about Alyssa, I was determined to take his anger because I deserved it. I hoped that over time, I’d be able to talk to him and find a way for him to forgive me. Unfortunately, the only time Wyatt could bear to be around me was when Alyssa was there. He was always civil to me when Alyssa was around. The rest of the time he avoided me. After two weeks, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed a respite from the tension, even if I couldn’t get away from my guilt and shame.
I made arrangements for me and Alyssa to visit my parents over the weekend.
On the drive over, Alyssa asked, “Is Wyatt going to make us leave?”
“He’s your daddy. You’ll always have a place at his house.” She’d taken to calling him Wyatt around me, which made me think she understood there was tension between us. I hated that she was trying to act in ways that didn’t upset me. I wondered if she avoided talking about me around Wyatt.
“But not you? Are you getting a divorce?”
I wanted to tell her that everything would work out, but I had no way of knowing that it would. In fact, I felt like I’d lost him for good.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen. What I do know is that your dad loves you so much. Even before he knew he was your father, he loved you. That won’t ever change. Okay?”
“He’s mean to you.”
“He’s not mean to me. He’s angry and hurt and I don’t blame him. I hope he’ll forgive me, but I don’t know.”
“I forgave you.”
I smiled at her and took her hand. “It means so much to me that you did.” It had to be different for Wyatt than for Alyssa, but I didn’t know how to explain it, so I left it at that.
When it came time to go to the movies with my parents, I knew I needed time alone to wallow. I didn’t want my parents, and especially not Alyssa, to see me come undone. Fortunately, my parents understood and took Alyssa, leaving me home alone.
I was considering a third glass of wine, when I heard a car pulling up the drive. God, are they back already? I checked my watch, but the movie hadn’t even started yet. I wanted to think it was Wyatt, but that was stupid, so maybe it was a family friend.
I stood and put my wine glass in the kitchen and walked to the front door. I stopped short when I saw Wyatt standing on the other side of the screen door.
My heart sped to a million miles a minute. Hope that
