In the midst of all my sisters I felt alone. I did feel different, but it wasn't my fault. I had no control over my dreams. It was the witch riding my back.
My dreams did seem to only foretell bad things or at least that was the easiest stuff to remember. I know I had other more mundane dreams. In fact, I would often dream of simple everyday things like kissing some boy or getting a new outfit or just what college life would be like, but by far the more horrible or tragic the dream, the more I remembered.
I often saw wars were people were being horribly killed and hurricanes and tornadoes. I called these, ‘death, murder, kill’ dreams. They were always horrible. Did these things actually happen somewhere? Why did I get this knowledge, for what purpose was I to know?
My daddy told me that the clearer or brighter the dream, the more likely it was to happen. Some of them were so crystal clear and detailed I could tell the color of shoes someone had on.
AUNT ELMIRA'S FUNERAL was held that next Friday at 1:00pm in the small church, Mount Ivory she was a member of for most of her adult life.
The church was filling up fast. The funeral home director had sectioned off the first few pews for the immediate family. Mama was sitting a few pews ahead of us with her other sisters and brothers behind Auntie’s children. Daddy and us girls squeezed in beside some of our other cousins after we had gone up to look at Aunt Elmira one last time.
The funeral was very beautiful if such can be said of death, with all kinds of lovely flower arrangements surrounding her ivory casket. She looked almost asleep resting in her coffin. Her cheeks were rosy and her hair was styled just right. She had on her best white suit.
But in the midst of all this grief for my aunt I was thinking of myself.
The night before, I had another dream. This dream started off like the standard chasm dream, but when I finally fell over the cliff and was falling, I wasn't afraid. I felt a new presence beside me, almost keeping me afloat, helping me to fly.
I felt such peace that I wanted to keep on flying forever. Of course as all good things end ... so did my flying. I landed on the canyon floor gently but firmly. I still felt like a presence was with me, so I started to walk around and examine this place I was in.
There were huge stately trees and beautiful flowering bushes, the like I had never seen before. The grass was a dark emerald color, cool and almost inviting me to take off my shoes and walk through it. Everything was so colorful and vibrant, and a gentle breeze was blowing softly against my cheek.
Standing off to the side, almost out of view behind an outcropping of rock was a young man. The face looked familiar to me, not as if I had met him before, but more like I knew who he was supposed to be. As long as it wasn't Jimmy Johnson, I welcomed anyone else to my dreams.
Suddenly he turned and looked in my direction. He wasn't one of my many cousins, he wasn't Jimmy, but I knew somehow, deep inside me he was someone meant for me.
He was tall but not too tall, maybe six feet. He had a nice face with a prominent brow and dark eyes. He had even, milk chocolate skin and the loveliest pair of lips I had ever seen on a man before.
I started walking towards the young man, and he started coming towards me. As is the nature of dreams, it seemed the more we walked towards each other the farther apart we got. I was so frustrated I yelled out to him, "Stop walking and stand still. What's the matter with you? Who are you? Why are you in my dreams?"
He didn't answer me. In fact, he looked at me with a sad smile on his face. I just knew I should have kept quiet and let him come to me, but I wanted to know. Slowly he turned around and with a gesturing, come here motion, walked back behind the rocks.
What was I to do? Was I supposed to follow him? I was so confused. I felt the presence beside me, almost nudging me forward, but I stalled. I was afraid to go, afraid to stay, afraid of the unknown.
The tears rolling down my cheeks were not only for Aunt Elmira, but for me as well.
The funeral was over and Aunt Elmira was laid to rest in the little cemetery behind the church. We all went back to her small home that seemed even smaller now for Auntie was a woman who always seemed bigger than life and with her being gone everything had been diminished.
We had so much food for dinner from so many friends and family we could all eat for about a week. My stomach was in knots, not just for my cousins and auntie's family but for myself also. Much food, tall tales, and tears later, we went home and life went on.
I FELT SO TWISTED UP inside. Excitement and jubilation warred with despair, grief, and guilt. Here it was finally the Sunday in September I had been waiting for all summer. I was in Atlanta at the State University of Georgia were I would enroll as a freshman in the 1976/77 school term.
Mama, daddy, Lin, and I had traveled to Atlanta where they would leave me after getting me checked in to start this new chapter in my life. Mama had gotten me two new suitcases so I would have room for all my clothes, old and new we had collected over the summer. It was a tearful parting because Lin and I were almost inseparable.
"Lin, don't worry, I promise to
