“Lydia.” Virgo’s eyes went wide.
“What?”
“How late is it?” She asked.
“Two weeks, but I know what you’re thinking. I’m not pregnant. I’ve been consistently taking my birth control. I haven’t missed a day in the last year. I think it’s just nerves because of fashion week and Taylor.” The idea had crossed my mind on the first day my period was late, but the chance was so low I was convinced this had to be something else.
“Birth control isn’t a one hundred percent thing.” She shoved all of her paint cards in her bag. “Let’s get a test to make sure.”
I hadn’t bought a test yet. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t gotten one to at least check. Maybe I was more worried about it than I thought.
Virgo steered me from the hardware store to a pharmacy a few blocks away. I was getting more and more nervous as we checked out. I had to stop myself from pulling my hair out on more than one occasion.
We got back to my old apartment. I was thankful Michael was out at the office, the less people here for it the better.
It was awkward, I’d never used one before, but I figured it out and called Virgo into the bathroom to wait for the results. I set the stick on the counter and turned away from it. “You tell me,” I said closing my eyes. “I don’t think I can do it.”
The silence stretched and no matter how much I wanted to turn around and look my nerves stopped me.
“Lydia…” Virgo’s voice trailed off and my heart stopped. “Lydia, you’re pregnant.”
I turned around furiously and opened my eyes to see Virgo holding the stick, the two lines staring back at me. “Oh, my God?”
“How are you feeling sweetie?” Virgo said carefully, rubbing my back in a way that would normally feel good, but now I couldn’t really feel anything.
Me? Pregnant? I always wanted kids, but I never thought I’d have any so soon. “I’m fine,” I said slowly, trying to regain awareness. “I’m pregnant.”
“You sure are.” Virgo smiled a little. “Want to sit down?”
I nodded and was led to the couch and she let me zone out a bit.
“What are you feeling?” She asked.
“I’m feeling weird,” I admitted.
“You don’t have to have everything figured out now,” she explained calmly. “You have a lot of options.”
“I think…” The idea was slow forming but became clearer and clearer to me. “I think I want to have this baby.” Maybe if you asked the Lydia I was when this whole thing started if I was ready to have children, I would have said no. But ever since my relationship with Taylor became real, more and more I wanted him to be my family and to make a new family with him.
Virgo gasped, her calm demeanor so far dropping. “Does that mean I can be a godmother?”
I laughed, a kind of strange light feeling bubbling through me. “Of course.”
“I’m so happy for you Lydia.” She shook my shoulders. “When are you going to tell Taylor?”
The flow of happiness I was feeling suddenly stopped. “I should probably tell him soon.”
“Why not tonight?” She asked.
“It’s because of the thing I can’t really talk about. He’s stressed about it; I don’t want to add this onto it. We’re going to have to start planning and scheduling appointments. I don’t want to put that on us yet until this thing is over.” I wondered how Taylor would react to the news, though. Would he be excited, or would he think he couldn’t be a father? If he thought that, then I’d have to get him to see that I knew he could be a good father. We went to couples’ therapy for a reason.
“I won’t tell anyone either.” Virgo crossed her heart. “Not even Michael.”
“You are the greatest Virgo.”
“I know.”
***
When Taylor came home later that night, I was trying my best to look as casual as possible. I lounged in the entertainment room watching something I hadn't really paid attention to.
When he got into view, he began stroking my face. “What do you want from me tonight?” He asked and then leaned down to put kisses in the crook of my neck. He only did that because he knew I was ticklish. I giggled a bit, but I didn’t want this tonight.
“I think I just want to relax.” I looked up at him and he smiled.
He immediately began disentangling himself from me and instead settled comfortably beside me on the couch. I loved how Taylor would listen to me like this and immediately made me feel safe. I would do the same for him in a heartbeat. “Something on your mind?”
I tried not to look surprised at the comment. It was a normal thing to ask. I probably did look like I wasn’t entirely focusing on the show. Still it was hard for me to keep this from him. I loved to do surprises but was terrible at keeping them. I had held back on his early Christmas gift for this long, but this felt way more important than a present. I had to know how he would react. Maybe there was a way I could know without revealing the secret inside of me.
“Lydia?” He called.
“Oh. Sorry. I do have a lot on my mind,” I admitted.
“You can tell me anything,” he took my hands, looking at me tenderly.
“I was just wondering,” I began, “If one day, you wanted to start a family with me.”
“A family?” He said and I suddenly remembered the whole reason we got married in the first place. His grandfather wanted heirs, but Taylor didn’t want children. He was willing to fake a pregnancy to get out of it.
“Yeah.” I tried to keep my concern from my face.
“I’ve never wanted children,” he said, and I sucked in a breath.
“Sorry for bringing it up, I know it’s a sore subject,” I started to stumble
