She was even more surprised when Peterresponded to her text (two in one day!) and asked if they could atleast have a family dinner. Elizabeth sighed and put her head back.Here it came. Peter was going to start the full-court press toresume their marriage. That thought filled her withdread.
Elizabeth sat upright. If anyone had asked her,she probably would have said that she and Peter would reconcile.However, realizing that resuming her marriage filled her withdread, she now knew there was no way she could go back. She drovehome, sure of her decision.
Until she entered the house and saw Peterthere. He looked at her expectantly, and reminded her of a puppydog waiting to be played with. Teddy and Sydney were flanking himon the couch, and they were playing some kind of video game. Howcould she put an end to this? How could she end her family? And forwhat reason? Things could be just all right. They could go on. Sheand Peter could come to some sort of understanding.
She sighed and turned away. Peter had such acheerful, expectant look on his face that she didn't want to crushhim. She closed her eyes and, in a last ditch effort, prayed forstrength. She didn't know what to do. Walking away from Peter wouldbe easier for her but harder for everyone else. Although she wasdetermined to put herself first, when push came to shove, she justcould not deny her family like this. Tears welled up and she kepther eyes pressed closed, as if holding back the tears would meanshe had no reason to cry.
Her phone chimed, signaling another text. Outof habit, she looked immediately. It was the text she had beenexpecting earlier. It was Jack, asking her if she planned onwriting tonight. The tears started again, and she choked as sheswallowed hard. If she committed to staying with Peter, she knewshe would have to cut off all ties with Jack. She also knew thatreturning to her marriage would be a return to the status quo.Which meant her writing would cease. Her dream would be dead, onceand for all. Rather than respond to Jack's text, she simply ignoredit. The sound of her kids talking animatedly from the next roomregistered in the rear of her brain.
She could do this. She could deny her ownhappiness, yet again and put her family first. Right?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: October 17,2012
"We need to talk."
Uh-oh. Here it comes. Peter was finallycornering Elizabeth. He would press her for an answer about theirmarriage. Would she cave and preserve her family at the expense ofherself, or would she destroy three other people to serve herself?She wanted to be happy, but would she be able to be happy if sheruined her children's lives? And while she could not say she wantedto stay married to Peter at this point, she wished him no ill will.She wanted them both to be happy.
"Yeah, I guess we do." Finally, she was able tolift her gaze to meet his. Her hands stilled on the cutting boardwhile she looked at her husband. She could not read his face. Itwas blank, expressionless. She held his gaze for a moment and thenwent back to chopping carrots for the kids' lunches. She tried toignore the shaking in her hands. Confrontation had never been herthing, obviously. Elizabeth was still surprised that she had beenable to stand up to her mother. Of course, it cost Elizabeth thatrelationship, so she still felt guilty about speaking up. Wouldthis cost her another relationship? Could she afford to losesomeone else? If she lost Peter, she would be totally alone in theworld.
Peter watched her cutting up the vegetables andmove seamlessly around the kitchen, packing lunches. It was after 8p.m., and the kids were in their beds reading. Elizabeth needed togo up and say goodnight. Even when it was Peter's night, Elizabethalways tucked the kids in. She couldn't imagine not being able todo that. If she and Peter divorced, then there would be nights whenthe kids were with him. How would Sydney ask her what her favoritepart of the day was? "Can we talk after I say good-night to thekids?"
"Will you actually come back downstairs andtalk to me?"
"You know, I've spent years alone, waiting foryou to talk to me, Peter. I think it's rich that you finally needto talk to me now."
Elizabeth didn't wait for a response. She driedher hands on her apron and headed upstairs. First, she went intoSydney's room. Just like every other night, Sydney could not go tosleep without asking, "What was your favorite part of today?" Somedays, the answer was obvious. Sydney liked the answer to includeher. Elizabeth bent down and kissed her beautiful daughter on thehead. "Being able to tuck you and your brother intonight."
She went into Teddy's room and lay down on thebed next to him. They talked for a moment or two, discussing thebook he was reading. She asked his opinion and listened to what hehad to say. Now that he was almost ten, her reaction to him in thenext few years would be critical. She could not undermine andundercut his self-confidence. She needed to help him become thestrongest person he could be. She needed to be the mother to himthat Agnes had not been to her.
When Elizabeth went back downstairs, Peter wasstill sitting at the counter where she had left him. Elizabethre-entered the kitchen and cleaned up the lunch prep stuff. Sheopened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. She pouredherself a large glass and finally sat down at the counter, next toPeter. She
