"Holy cow."
"Yeah, I even told her to shut up a few times.You know how she interrupts."
The amused look disappeared from Peter's face."So you told her that this is my fault?"
Elizabeth shook her head a little. Of course,he would focus on that. "Well, you left me Peter. The going got alittle difficult, and you were outta here. I really needed you tostand by me, hold my hand, and tell me we could get through it. Butyou didn't."
"I'm here now."
"I'm not sure if it's too little, too late.Peter, I will always care for you, but I don't even know if I loveyou. I'm certainly not in love with you. Right now, I'm trying tolearn who I am and to love that person. Still trying to balancebeing the best mother I can be for the kids, but trying to figureout what makes me feel alive and worthy of love."
"What do you mean?"
"I have never felt that I deserved anythingworthy. Everything I always thought worthy, I was told over andover again by people in my life—"
"Agnes."
"Yes, her, amongst others, that the things Iwanted were ridiculous and unreasonable. Certainly unattainable.When you are told that your heart's desire is ridiculous, you startto doubt everything your heart tells you to do. You vacillate,waiting for those around you to sway you to the popular opinion,even when you inherently disagree. That was me for years. Tornbetween doing what the general public thought was good for me anddoing what I thought was good for me. First, where I went tocollege, and then what I majored in. Becoming a teacher. Marryingyou. Joining the PTA and conforming to their ridiculous socialpressures. I was paralyzed unless someone told me what to do. Howto act. What to think. But that has just blown up in my face, andbitten me in the ass, all at the same time. The people that Iworked so hard to please turned on me in the blink of an eye. Youturned your back on me and walked away. My mother blamed me for thewhole thing and has totally cut me out of her life for standing upto her. It took having all my worst fears completely and totallyrealized to see that I could come through this. I'm still standing,and I plan to stand on my own from now on."
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: January 28,2013
Elizabeth held the fancy envelope in her hands,staring in disbelief. Everything was coming full circle. A charitygala. Not unlike the one she had so desperately wanted to attendjust over two years ago. Peter's company had purchased a table, andhe made the invitation list. And he wanted to bring Elizabeth ashis "plus one." God, it was so ironic. Just as Elizabeth hadstopped looking to Peter to shower her with this kind of attention,he started doing it. She didn't think he was even aware of it. Justlike he honestly still didn't realize his own culpability in thedemise of their marriage.
The failure of their marriage was a combinedeffort of both Elizabeth and Peter. The divorce, which wascurrently being processed, was totally her fault. Peter would havegladly reconciled. She was the one who had wanted to end theirmarriage. She needed to, to help her move forward. That being said,it was not an easy road. It had not been an easy few months, butElizabeth knew it could have been much, much worse. Peter did notappear that distraught over going their separate ways, although heclaimed to be. He was gracious, letting Elizabeth stay in thehouse. She would eventually look for something smaller in theschool zone so the kids would not have to transfer, but he was notpressuring her to move out. It gave her time to transition the kidsso she did not have to disrupt their lives any further.
Peter himself had gotten an apartment not toofar away. It was sparsely furnished, and Elizabeth had gladlydonated things from the house, furniture and the like, to make itmore comfortable for both him and the kids. Elizabeth continued hersequestration budget, trying to save as much money as possible. Shewas shocked to discover how much money she could save by reallyusing coupons and shopping sales. While it certainly took moretime, she used the evenings when Peter had the kids to prepare andplan. She pored over Excel spreadsheets of her budgets, trying tofind where she could tighten and save further. Although Peter hadbeen generous with continuing to pay the mortgage for the timebeing, she would need to finance the next place on her own. She wasoften relieved that she had improved and expanded her wardrobe overthe last two years so that she would not really have to spend moneyon herself for a while.
The kids missed Peter, but he had alwaystraveled so much that it was not as big an adjustment as it couldhave been. When in town, he had them two school nights and everyother weekend. He tried not to travel on weekends so that he couldsee Teddy and Sydney, as well as make it to as many of theirfunctions as possible. Elizabeth missed the children terribly ontheir weekends with Peter. The first several times they were gone,Elizabeth cried herself to sleep, feeling so lonely and incompletewithout them under the same roof. Eventually, she became used tothe stillness in the house. She made productive use of her time,clipping coupons and planning her meals. She had refined her systemso that she even had time to continue to work on herwriting.
The holidays had gone as well as could beexpected. Peter stayed at the house on Christmas Eve so he wasthere Christmas morning. Elizabeth and Peter were very pleasant toeach other. There were no snide remarks or backbiting. There didn'tneed to be. Although Elizabeth had told Peter that they did notneed to exchange gifts, he gave her a subscription to acoffee-of-the-month club that would deliver her K-cups every month.Elizabeth cried when she opened
