That was the point of the book. That was themessage that Jack had been sending to her. Not that he wanted towhip her, abuse her, or degrade her, but that he wanted her to findwhat invigorates her. Jack had taken one look at Elizabeth and hadseen that she was a shell, a fraction of the person she had thepotential to be. In writing this book, he was telling her that sheneeded to figure out she was worth more and that she needed anoutlet through which to express herself. It showed her that she wasalready being dominated and controlled, not simply by her husbandor mother, but by her own almost pathologic need to fit in and seekacceptance. Elizabeth's conformity and desire to please formedtheir own set of shackles that dictated every move in her life. Shelet Peter and her mother bully her into most things.
Jack had been sending her the message that shewas being dominated, and she needed to figure out how to stop beinga submissive. In a very messed-up kind of way, it was a sweet,sensitive, caring message. It was his gift to her.
That was why Elizabeth couldn't cut offcommunication with him. It was only through texting, and anoccasional e-mail. She had resorted to e-mail to ask him questionsabout the book. To question and confirm his motivation. Elizabethdrew the line at calling him or seeing him again. She would not,could not, cross that line until things were settled between herand Peter.
Peter. She shifted her thoughts back to him. Hehad texted her. What could he possibly want? It was his night withthe kids. She had them this weekend and had made plans to take themto a hayride. After the soccer games, religious education classesand music lessons, of course. She swiped her phone open and readthe message. Unbelievable. He wanted to have dinner. With her.Alone. It was a school night. They had no activities on, but therewas homework, and it was shower night. Elizabeth sighed. Shetotally wasn't in the mood for Peter tonight. She had been hopingto work on her new project tonight while he spent time with thekids after dinner.
There would be no avoiding him. He was in townthis week, so he was staying at the house. While he had agreed,somewhat reluctantly, to a trial separation, he had not agreed toleave the house. He was traveling again, sometimes as much as twoweeks each month. They returned to their previous schedule,splitting nights and alternating weekends with the kids. Elizabethfound it ironic that the whole process of splitting responsibilitylike a divorced couple not only helped prolong their marriage, butactually made for an easy split as well. When he was home, Peterstayed in the downstairs guest room. He had packed his clothes andmoved them out of the master closet and into the downstairsone.
Most of the time, the split had very littleeffect on Elizabeth. Peter was gone so much that her life wasrelatively unchanged. Things were somewhat awkward on the weekendswhen he was home. If the kids had activities, of course they bothattended. They even made small talk. On the days when Peter wantedto hang out in the house, Elizabeth took to going out. She didn'twant to spend much money. She was still trying to squirrel away asmuch as possible, although Peter had been generous thus far. Withsome new-found free time on her hands, Elizabeth had decided shewould tackle something that had always been dangling just outsideher conscious desire—writing a play. She took to going to a localdiner so she could people watch while she sipped her coffee andthought about what to write. If the diner was busy, she would headover to the library and continue her work. She dug out an oldyellow legal pad and slowly but surely filled page afterpage.
Writing invigorated Elizabeth. Her mind wasconstantly whirling with ideas for her story, stage directions, howshe saw her characters moving, interacting with each other. But asexcited as she was about writing, she did not share her secret withanyone. Well, anyone except Jack. There was no one else in her lifeshe felt she could open up to. She hadn't spoken to her mother inthe six or seven weeks since the atrocious dinner. Elizabeth washurt that her mother hadn't reached out to her, but not necessarilysurprised. Agnes rode a high horse and had little tolerance forthose who couldn't quite pass muster. Elizabeth wasn't sure whichof her many infractions had been the last straw for Agnes—theseparation, the presumed affair, the failure to be the perfectdaughter, the use of vulgar language, or just the audacity ofspeaking up. Elizabeth was done trying to figure it out.Apparently, Agnes was done as well.
Elizabeth supposed someday she would tell Peterwhat she was working on, but for right now, it didn't feel right totell him. He had been there as she had agonized over declaring amajor, encouraging her to go for the "sure thing" of teaching. He,like Agnes, had not seen a future for Elizabeth in the theater.Peter hated the theater, especially musical theater. When they weredating, Elizabeth goaded Peter into promising to take her to atleast one show every year. She would not make him sit through morethan that. That deal lasted the first two years of their marriage.After that, she could never get Peter to agree to another show.Since she was not courageous enough to go alone, she stopped goingto the theater. She doubted he would be any more supportive of thistype of career now. But she no longer needed his support. She wasgoing to do this, and do it for her. Whether anyone approved ornot.
She supposed her writing could wait. After all,it had already been
