Jack.
What were the odds that this person who playeda seemingly minor part in her past had completely changed her life?Before the book, before the scandal, he had helped her see that shewas lost. Those two days and nights that they sat talking, werewhat gave Elizabeth the motivation to change the course of her lifewhen she came down out of the mountains. He had asked her how shehad gone from a vivacious teenager to a withdrawn and depressedwoman. He made her think about how she had become so desperate toescape the confines of her life that freezing to death seemed aviable option. Opening up made Elizabeth realize the choices shehad made and how she had arrived at her current station.
Take, for instance, her career. Jack had beensurprised to learn that she was a special education teacher.Elizabeth had always talked about a career in theater, most likelyin writing. From the time she was in her first class play in thethird grade, Elizabeth had wanted to be a playwright. From thatpoint on, she was always involved in school and community plays.Her normal shyness was cast aside when she was on the stage, andher ability to memorize was an asset. The years of dance lessonspaid off, and Elizabeth could see the big picture on the stage. Butperforming had only been a small part of what engaged Elizabeth.She loved the writing and directing aspect of the theater. When sheleft the stage, the doubt began to creep in. Her eleventh gradeEnglish teacher had not particularly cared for her, and it wasreflected in her grades. That shook her confidence in her writingskills, and Agnes put the nail in the coffin of herdreams.
Her mother told her repeatedly that she was notcut out for the cutthroat nature of show business. That she did nothave the thick skin to take rejection. Ironically, Elizabethremembered Agnes bringing up the Jack business when she wasbeginning her college search junior year. "Remember how devastatedyou were when that Jack boy passed you over for Jaimie? You criedfor days. It would be like that all the time, every single time yougot rejected. There is no way that you could handle it."
Christ, with a cheering section like that, itwas a wonder that Elizabeth had not tried to kill herself before.In fact, that was one of the reasons Elizabeth asked Jack to theprom. She wanted to prove to Agnes that she was totally over it.That she was strong enough to handle rejection and move on. Ofcourse, by that time, it really was a moot point, as Elizabeth hadapplied to liberal arts programs rather than theater. By the timeshe went away to school, she did not even have the courage to tryout for the campus theater, thinking that the roles would go onlyto serious theater students. She felt lost and adrift while incollege, as she continued to deny what she truly wanted from life.The more lost she felt, the more her personality shrank, and shejust went with the flow. Jeez, no wonder she let her mother talkher into marrying Peter. Probably nothing better would come alongfor the shell of a person she'd become. Agnes was right.
Jack had asked her if she liked her job, if itfulfilled her in any way. Letting the whiskey talk, she laughed,and had said, "I get to use my acting skills more than if I were onstage every day! 'Oh honey, what a beautiful picture.' 'Yes,sweetie, I'm sure that Bobby started it.' 'Of course, Mrs. Smith.All kids are a little rambunctious. I'm sure Bobby will be justfine.'" They had laughed over some situations in which she reallyhad to have a poker face. Then she was able to truthfully say, "Itmay not have been my first choice in careers, but I think I'mpretty good at what I do. I get to make a big difference for thechildren and their families, and that means so much. It's certainlymore worthwhile than applause is, and lasts longer, too." Shehadn't thought about it until she said it aloud. It somehow madeher life less futile.
Since the end of their summer visit, Jack hadbeen texting Elizabeth. He started it as a pretense for making sureshe got home safely that night. A few days later, it was to see ifshe was faring all right without Peter and the kids. Then it was tosee how things went when Peter got home. Next, he wanted to knowhow things were at school.
Elizabeth knew she shouldn't answer him, butshe couldn't help herself. She couldn't not respond to his texts.Jack was as engaging as he had been twenty years ago. He knew theElizabeth that had once been full of life and potential. He knewLiza. And despite everything, he helped her realize that she stillhad potential. His seemingly rude comments about her hair lookingbad had inspired her to grow her hair out. He had commented thatweekend about how shabby her clothes looked. He had been concernedthat she was poor and destitute. It made her see that she needed topay more attention to herself if she wanted anyone else to. He hadset her along the path to self-discovery.
And the book. The book that changed everything,that ruined friendships and ended her marriage. When Elizabethstepped back and read it with a clear head and focus, she was blownaway. The casual reader would enjoy the titillating sexcapades asthe story and be satisfied with that. Nancy had read more into it,with anger and resentment clouding her perspective. She saw aweak-minded woman who was dominated and abused, and was not able tohold her own against a man. When Elizabeth read the book, she sawthe message in it. The lost woman, a shell of a person.
