"But that's part of being a mother ... puttingyour children and husband before yourself."
"When you are flying on an airplane, and theyare going through all the safety crap at the beginning, they alwaystell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before your child. Whydo you think that is? You have to meet your basic survival needs inorder to actually be of some use to anyone else."
"So how is this my fault, exactly?"
"Really, Mother? Throughout all of this, you'veasked, 'What did you do wrong?' and 'How could you do this to me?'You've never asked if I was okay, or if I needed anything. It'snever even occurred to you to take my side. You just assumed that Imessed up and that I needed to beg Peter to take me back. And whywould I need to do that?"
"Well, it's not like a divorced, middle-agedmother of two would get too many decent prospects."
"Right. Because you assume that I need a man totake care of me. Because you assume that I could never make it onmy own. Because you assume that I am not attractive to anyone else.Because you think so little of me that you think I could never doany better. Isn't that true?"
"Well," Agnes snuffed. "It's not like the boyswere exactly beating down your door when you livedhere."
Elizabeth laughed bitterly. "Yeah, because I'mexactly how I was twenty years ago. Scratch that. You still thinkof me as a shy, awkward twelve-year-old who is incapable ofcrossing the street without being run over. And why do you thinkthe boys never came around? Maybe it was because I wasn't allowedout. Maybe it was because you scared the shit out of everyone,Daddy included."
Thomas coughed a little.
"Oh, don't try to deny it, Daddy. She's hadyour balls since day one. You never had the spine to speak up, evenwhen you knew she was being tremendously unfair to me. Just likenow. She's bringing up that I had trouble getting a date in highschool, when the issue is that my husband walked out on me, ratherthan defending me. Instead of standing by me, and standing up forme, he left me on my own. He didn't think that I was worth fightingfor. Just like you, Dad. You've never thought I was worth fightingfor."
Thomas cleared his throat a little. "That's notentirely true."
"But true enough, right?"
"So why did Peter leave, exactly?" Agnes justcouldn't resist needling her.
"You know what, Mom, it's not important."Elizabeth shrugged, realizing that this was true. She stood up toleave. "What's important is that I start putting my needs first. Ineed to take care of me. And that means doing things that make mehappy. I'm done trying to please others. I'm going to put myselffirst for once."
"I knew that's what the whole hair and make-upthing was about. You're having an affair, aren't you? Well, do youthink he's really going to marry you? You cheated to be with him.Once a cheater, always a cheater. He'll remember that. I hate tosay that to you because you are my daughter, but now you're acheater too."
"You've proven my point, Mother. When even yourown mother has no faith in you, how are you supposed to have faithin yourself?"
"I've always believed in you, pumpkin." Thomassaid quietly. He couldn't raise his eyes to meet the death stareradiating from Agnes.
"Maybe, maybe not, Dad. But you never said so.And now, it's too little, too late. I've decided that, from thismoment forward, I only need approval from one person. And that'sme. Screw you, Mom. Screw Peter. Screw Nancy Beemer and the rest ofthose bitches at school. My only focus is to make my children andme happy and proud. And they can be proud that they have a motherwho has finally stopped being a doormat."
And with that, she left.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: October 17,2012
Elizabeth sighed as her phone alerted her toanother text message. She dreaded looking at it, already guessingwho the sender was. Feeling guilty for anticipating it, and evenlooking forward to it. She left the keys in the ignition as dug heriPhone out of her purse to check. She had a few minutes before sheneeded to be home. Although she knew she should wait until she gothome to check the text, she just couldn't discipline herself thatlong. She was surprised to see the alert telling her that Peter hadtexted her. Huh. He very rarely texted. That was no surprise,seeing as how he rarely communicated with her, or anyone, to beginwith. Maybe that was the reason their separation was quiteamicable. In fact, their separation had actually lightened the moodin the house. Now that she had no expectations from Peter, now thatshe wanted nothing from him, he kept surprising her. Like with thistext.
He had returned from his parents' house, tiredand frazzled, and totally worn out from being the only parent for aweek. He was ready to kiss and make up. But Elizabeth wasn't. Herconfrontations, first with Jack, then Nancy, then finally herparents, helped her put her life in perspective for once. Two yearsago, when she had sat down in desperation in the snow, she had beenlost, totally adrift. She had no identity, no sense of self. Herwhole being was wrapped up in the roles that defined her, ratherthan herself. Those roles had held her down to the point where
