Elizabeth did not have faith in Peter. Butmore, she realized she did not have faith in herself. She workedhard to prove her worthiness in tangible ways. In making the rightfriends. In cooking the right food. In dressing the right way. Involunteering for the right activities. She let the others in herenvironment dictate how she acted and thought. The need forconstant affirmation. God, she was no better than when she was ateenager. Peer pressure preyed upon those without faith in self.Elizabeth was a primary victim. She wanted to change but had notbeen able to. But now, she was at a crossroads in herlife.
Needing some guidance, Elizabeth called herparents. Still on her own, with Peter and the kids not due backuntil the next day, Elizabeth sought out a dinner invitation. Sheneeded to return home, to a place where she was loved and accepted,and felt safe. Of course, it never occurred to Elizabeth that herparents' home had never provided these things to her when she wasgrowing up. Perhaps, if they had, she would not be in her currentpredicament.
As Elizabeth sat down at her parent's diningroom table, she was unprepared for the onslaught that awaited her.Her mother's cooking had seemed proficient when Elizabeth wasgrowing up. However, it had somehow turned abysmal as the yearspassed. Elizabeth was trying to choke down the over-cooked chickenwithout appearing impolite, lest her own mother think her rude anduncouth. She was mid-way through a piece—which was taking muchlonger to chew than it should have—when the attackbegan.
"Are you getting divorced?" Without waiting foran answer, Agnes continued, "How could you do this? What did you doto drive Peter away? What are people going to say? I won't be ableto show my face in the grocery store."
Elizabeth just stared at her mother, mouthagape. The partially masticated chicken threatened to fall out andchoke her at the same time. Elizabeth calmly reached into her lap,delicately grasped her napkin and brought it to her mouth, whereshe proceeded to spit out the virtually inediblepoultry.
"Excuse me, Mother?"
"You heard me. How could you do this to yourfather and me? Can you beg Peter to take you back? What are yougoing to do? Who knows about this? Please tell me that the wholetown does not yet know. I may still be able to save face if Petertakes you back."
Elizabeth held up her hand, signaling hermother to be quiet. It took Agnes a moment to realize whatElizabeth meant. This time Agnes stared. No one ever dared silenceher.
Elizabeth had had enough. She was done beingthe victim. She was done being in the wrong. She was done beingwronged. It was time for her to reclaim her life. "Mother, I refuseto discuss this issue when you take that position."
"What position?" Agnes asked indignantly. Shewas still miffed at being silenced. No one silenced her.
"I will tell you what you need to know. It isbetween us. It is not for you to tell your friends, yourco-workers, your customers or some random person you see in thestore. I will tell you what the problem is, and then we are donediscussing the issue."
Agnes sat back and crossed her arms over herchest. Thomas just continued shoveling food into his face, as if amajor confrontation had not just occurred at the other end of thetable. He was oblivious to what was going on in his family. Just ashe had been throughout her lonely childhood and her difficultadolescence, Thomas sat on the sidelines, watching the battle, butnever taking sides. Never participating. Never wanting to supporthis daughter at the risk of enraging his wife.
"Dad, you need to listen, too. This isimportant."
"Humm?"
"Dad, for once, stop stuffing your face andopen your eyes to what is going on in your house. In case youhaven't noticed, my life has fallen apart."
"And whose fault is that? You make your bed,you sleep in it," Agnes interjected, always having to get in thelast word.
"Jesus Mother! Just shut up for once in yourGoddamn life and let me speak!"
Agnes’ mouth snapped shut. She was not pleased.Oh boy. When this was done, Elizabeth was in for it.
"As of right now, Peter and I are separated. Hewants to talk when he gets back with the kids, but I'm not surewhat will happen."
"Of course you need to stay together. Beg himto forgive you for whatever you did."
"What part of 'shut up' are you notunderstanding, Mother? I don't know that I'm taking him back. Iwould like to say that I did nothing wrong, but that's nottrue."
Agnes muttered under her breath, but loudenough so Elizabeth could hear, "I knew it."
Elizabeth shot her a dirty look and continued."I have no faith in our marriage. I do not trust Peter to be therefor me. When problems arose, I did not immediately turn to himbecause I did not think he could handle it. And I was right. And hedoes not trust me."
"Did you cheat on him? How could you? Didn't Iraise you better than that?"
"Right, Mother, because this all comes back toyou." Elizabeth paused. "But, in a way, it does. I could say thisis all your fault."
"How could thispossibly be all my fault? Tell her, Thomas, that I cannot beheld responsible for her terrible behavior."
Thomas shifted in his seat,uncomfortable.
"Don't worry, Daddy. You don't have to speakup. You never have before now; no need to change that.Nevertheless, you are to blame, too, for letting her ride roughshodover me my whole life. What I was trying to say before you interrupted me, yetagain, Mother, was that our marriage is failing because of a lackof faith. I have no
