Hannah’s lips quirked up in a grin. “And I never took you for a coward.”
“Ouch.” I clutched my chest and her smile grew.
“Let me rephrase that,” she said slowly. “You’re not a coward, so stop acting like one.”
I huffed. Leave it to a best friend to be brutal. “The guy’s a jerk. I don’t see why I have to deal with him.”
“He might be a jerk, but you like him.”
I didn’t try to deny it. Jax was an egotistical, self-centered moron…but there were moments when he wasn’t. They were fleeting and few, but they were there. And it was those glimpses of the good guy underneath his jerky exterior that made it hurt to think about him.
“He’s a distraction, Hannah,” I said. “I can’t afford a distraction.”
I waited for her to argue with me, and when I looked over I knew she wanted to. But she didn’t. Instead she leaned over and gave me a hug. “Maybe distractions are kind of the point.”
I laughed as I squeezed her back. “You sound like Yoda and I have no idea what that means.”
When she pulled back her smile was small and knowing, and suddenly I felt young and stupid sitting next to her.
“Just think about it,” she said.
I nodded. But when she left, I didn’t sit there and think; I got to work. First step? Turn on the spotlight.
Was it cheesy? Maybe. But I performed best in the spotlight.
Second step? Ditch the script.
I’d been working for days to memorize this baby, and I had it. So now came the hard part—bringing it to life.
I went through the Streetcar Named Desire monologue twice before stopping to reread the thing in disgust. It wasn’t right. Or rather—the monologue was just fine. I wasn’t right.
I wasn’t nailing it.
When I heard some motion offstage, I dropped the script and peered over only to see Simone quietly working on the kissing booth sign, of all things. It was turning out really cute with lots of puckered-up lips all over it.
“Sorry,” she said when she spotted me staring at her. “Do you want some privacy?”
“No. I’m used to an audience.” I tossed my hair. “I live for an audience.”
My drama queen routine fell flat. I hadn’t really given it my all and she just stared back at me like I was a lunatic. I held up my script. “It sucks, doesn’t it?”
She blinked but she didn’t look away. “It’s a great scene.”
“Yeah, but…” I sighed. “It’s just not working.”
She bit her lip.
I narrowed my eyes in response. “What? What is it?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
I knew that look. She had thoughts. An opinion. It irritated the heck out of me but at the same time, I was curious. “Just spit it out.”
She shifted where she was sitting. “You’re emoting.”
I stared at her. I knew the word well, but it sounded weird coming from a stranger who wasn’t even in the drama department. “Yeah. So?”
She chewed on her lower lip. “Well, it’s just that…”
I let out a huff. “Go on, say it.”
“It seems like you’re showing the emotions, but you’re not really feeling them.”
The criticism hit me in the chest like a hammer. My lips parted and anger surged to the surface. “And how would you know? What, are you some sort of acting expert or something?”
Her response was to shrug. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
That only made me more annoyed.
“Forget it,” she said. “I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
No, you don’t. I opened my mouth to say it, but another voice cut in. Jax’s voice. “She does, actually.”
My heart stuttered. I turned to see where his voice had come from but saw a glaring light instead. I heard him walking down the aisle, though, and my whole body responded. I was shaking and I didn’t even know why. I couldn’t tell if it was horror or excitement or nerves…or all of the above.
This was what I’d been avoiding. This confrontation.
I should have known he wouldn’t let me.
The guy was focused when he wanted something. I’d been watching him these past two years. I’d been paying attention even when I didn’t want to. That band? It hadn’t formed because he was some slacker without a plan. His whole attitude, the way he made every girl want him and maneuvered the social scene? That wasn’t luck. It was him.
He’d figured out how to get what he wanted. He wanted a band, he made it happen. He wanted string-free hookups? Done and done.
And what he wanted now…
Well, I had a feeling it was me.
But why? I hated the fact that I couldn’t swallow. I hated it even more that my heart was pounding so loudly in my ears I was certain everyone could hear it. I hated that my hands were shaking so badly that I had to clench my rolled-up script between my fists.
Why would he want me?
He didn’t even like me and some part of me couldn’t even blame him. I was fake. I’d been faking my way through life for years. And I was vain, just like my mom, and maybe even shallow because all I wanted was to be a star of the stage.
I started to back away, but then I saw him and froze all over again. He was close, climbing the stairs that led to the stage.
That led to me.
When he was standing a few feet away on stage, on the edges of the spotlight with me, he gave me a small, hesitant smile as he nodded over his shoulder toward Simone. “She’s really good at this acting stuff. You should listen to her.”
I glanced over at Simone who was watching both of us with wide, wary eyes.
“Oh yeah?” I said. My voice was strained and I had no idea how I was supposed to act right now.
“Her dad’s a director,” he said.
“Oh.”
Yup. That was the awesome response I came up with. In my defense, though…what was happening here?
