“That is really nice of you, pal,” Austin comments from his side of the counter while he looks at them. Both Austin and Noah are dressed down in jeans and button-down shirts.
“I can do a lot of things. I just can’t do the whole vomit thing. But I was proud of myself.” He reaches over and rubs Kaleigh’s head.
We don’t have a chance to say anything before we hear my mother. “Knock, knock, knock!” she calls out before walking into the house.
“Mom, it defeats the purpose if you just walk in,” Kaleigh says. “What if we were all naked?”
My mother gasps. “It’s noon, why would you be naked at noon?”
“Oh, dear God,” I say under my breath. The kids come barreling downstairs, yelling for grandma and grandpa.
“Hey, Austin,” my father greets him, hitting him on the back. “How are you, son? Should we be expecting any penises today?” He laughs as he goes to Kaleigh to give her a side hug.
“Kaleigh, you look like death,” my mother remarks while she comes to hug her and then me. “Austin, it’s good to see you, without, you know.” She motions her hands into the shape of a penis in the air.
“That was a fun time,” Noah says into his cup, smiling, while Austin and I just glare at him.
“I don’t feel good.” Kaleigh gets up to go to the bathroom.
“What can I do to help?” My mother comes into the kitchen and opens the oven to check out the roast. “That looks delish.”
“I made it,” Noah pops up, winking at my mom while she blushes.
“Yeah, right,” Austin says. “Come on and help me set the table.” He orders Noah as he grabs the tablecloth and shows him where the plates are.
When they are out of the room, my mother and father both look at me, but it’s my mother who speaks first. “He really knows his way around the house.”
“Um, yeah, he usually stays for dinner.” I don’t make eye contact while I move around the kitchen, looking for nothing in particular.
“Does he do this every night?” My father asks, sitting down.
“Most nights, yes.” I put the cloth that I have in my hands down. “I like him. A lot.”
He nods his head, while my mother clasps her hands together. “You love him?”
“Um, yes. Yes, I do,” I finally admit. “I’m happy. Like really happy. So, please, let’s just drop the third degree.”
“My lips are sealed.” She pretends to zip her lips shut. “Is he good in bed?”
“Mom!” I exclaim at the same time my dad warns, “Dede.”
She looks at both of us. “Oh, please, she is in the peak of her life. She should be having sex daily.” She shrugs. “I read it in Cosmo.”
“Oh, dear God,” I say again just louder.
“There is a quiz you can take to show you what kind of lover Austin will be.”
“What?” I ask the same time Austin and Noah come back into the kitchen.
“It asks you questions.” She looks at Austin. “Are you a selfish lover?”
Noah snickers behind Austin, while Austin’s face turns from white to red. “Um…”
“Don’t answer that,” I tell him.
“Do you wait for her to go first, or do you just think of yourself?” My mother continues, actually trying to recall the questions in the survey.
Austin just stands there like a deer caught in headlights. “Um...”
“Well, that isn’t good if you have to think about it. I’ll send you the quiz, too. You can both take it and see.”
“Can you send it to me, too?” Noah asks, grabbing a grape from the fruit bowl. “Frank, did you take this quiz?” he turns to my father.
“Don't need to. I’m a bull in the sack,” My father deadpans, fist pumping in the air.
“Gross, I think I’m going to be sick.” I put my hand on my stomach.
“Maybe you caught Kaleigh’s bug.” My mother is not catching on.
“I think lunch is ready.” Austin heads to the stove at the same time Kaleigh comes back into the room. “Kaleigh, we made you some tofu stuff that Lauren found in the freezer. I made sure to put it in another pan.”
“Awww, so you forgive me for tricking you into drinking breast milk?” she asks him with a smile.
I grab the side dishes that have been warming in the oven with the roast, while Austin grabs the roast. My father grabs drinks from the fridge, and my mother calls the kids. Noah walks over to the wine fridge, grabbing two bottles.
We make our way to the dining room. Gabe runs in, while Austin puts the roast down. Rachel comes into the room banging two white things together. “Tap, tap, tap!” she shouts. “Click, click, click.”
“What is that?” I look at the white sticks in her hand.
“They’re drum sticks. I found them in the bathroom.” She is still tapping them together. “Like a wand. Bippity boppity bo.”
“Oh my God,” I hear Kaleigh whisper as my mother grabs one of the sticks from Rachel’s hand.
“Oh my god.” She looks at me. “You’re pregnant!” She sits down at the table.
My head snaps back and I grab the other stick from Rachel. Sure enough, it’s another positive pregnancy test.
I look at Austin, who has gone paler than a ghost. “Lauren?” he questions, holding the table with one hand, while he looks like he is going to fall over.
“You have to marry her,” my mother announces with tears in her eyes. “A child out of wedlock is a no-no.” She shakes her head no over and over again
“Lauren,” I hear Austin again, this time his voice quivering.
I look around the faces at the table. My heart beating fast in my ears, my throat going dry, my palms getting sweaty.
“It’s mine,” I hear from Kaleigh, who then looks at Noah. “I’m pregnant.”
Noah places the bottles of wine on the table. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m pregnant,” Kaleigh repeats, throwing her hands
