“Jesus,” I said. “That’s horrible. How did you even stay friends with him after?”
“I didn’t want to make things awkward between him and Grayson. Which was stupid, because things were already awkward between the two of them. Julian’s worship turned into full-blown jealousy. I honestly think that’s the only reason he even liked me. It was a sort of twisted way to get to Grayson.”
I covered my face with my hands. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh hysterically. Both, maybe. “I’m an idiot,” I said softly.
“Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that I was jealous of you being with him, even after all that. If we’re giving out stupid awards, I think the first one goes to me.”
“Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that I grew up with a controlling, short-tempered father who terrorized us, and I didn’t even see the similarities.” I dropped my hands from my face.
Madison looked over at me. “Does Julian remind you of your dad?”
“Yeah, now that I think about it. Dad’s jealous and controlling. Short-tempered. Mean when he’s angry. I don’t mean to imply that Julian’s going to start beating on his girlfriends—I hope not—but he certainly has all the other aspects of my dad’s personality.”
“It makes sense now, why you’re so secretive and closed off. I sort of thought you were just a bitch and had no interest in being friends with any of us.”
I laughed, startled by her honesty. “Don’t hold back. Tell me what you really think.”
A smile spread across her face. “I usually tell people what I think.” Her smile faded. “I do wish I’d told you the whole story about Julian, though. I should have, but I wanted to hate you, and part of me almost felt smug, like you’d get what you deserved when he turned on you.” She laughed at my expression, which was probably a mix of amusement and horror. “Too honest?”
“No, please go on,” I said with a laugh. “I don’t think anyone’s ever been this honest with me in my life.”
“OK, well, if we’re being honest, can I also say that I’m jealous of your boobs?”
I let out a big, genuine laugh that made me feel better than I had in days.
“Seriously,” she said. “When you tried on those horrible sports bras that Grayson ordered, I almost told you that your underboob looked really good. Like, celebrities try to do that on purpose. You should reconsider that sports bra, is what I’m saying. Especially if you’re looking to attract every guy in the room.”
“God no,” I said, my voice still amused. “I’m never dating again.”
“I always say that, and it always lasts, like, three days.” Her gaze cut to something and then back to me. “Besides, a certain tattooed member of our team has been making puppy dog eyes at you all day.”
I followed her gaze across the room, to Edan. He was sitting with Patrick and Noah, laughing, and decidedly not making puppy dog eyes at anyone.
“He has not,” I said, returning my attention to her. “He just feels weird because Tumblr is shipping us and Julian freaked out about us being friends.”
“Sure,” Madison said, in a way that meant she didn’t believe me at all.
“It’s true. And like I said, never dating again. Or at least not until I’m thirty.”
“Right.”
“I’m not.”
“Uh-huh.”
Part Five
Alive
39
“How about your bra? Can you fit a knife in between your boobs?” Madison peered into my cleavage.
“Madison, I have my weapons pack, and Edan just strapped a foldable ax and pepper spray to my leg. I don’t think I need a knife in my boobs as well.” I gave her an amused look as I slung my weapons pack over my shoulder. We were in the lobby of the gym with Edan and Grayson, who wore matching nervous expressions.
“I’m still not sure this is a great idea,” Grayson said. “Maybe I should just go talk to Julian.”
“Has he answered a single one of those text messages you keep sending him?” Madison asked, eyebrow cocked.
“No.” He gazed at his phone sadly.
I held up the phone Julian had given me. “He’s texted me three times this morning.”
“Do you really think he knew what MDG was doing all along?” Grayson asked. “He couldn’t, right?” He seemed to want to convince himself more than me.
“I’ll try to find out,” I said gently.
“You know what you’re going to say?” Madison asked.
“I figure I’ll act scared. Tell him we’re a mess and we’re getting kicked out of the gym today and I have nowhere to go.”
“That’s actually true,” Grayson said. “I haven’t found hotel rooms yet. We don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Text us as often as you can,” Edan said. “You have one of Grayson’s phones?”
“Yeah, it’s in my bag. Are we good? I should walk over to his hotel by myself.”
Madison nodded. I typed out a text to Julian.
Are you at your hotel?
A response came immediately.
Yes. Are you here?
I can be there in ten minutes. Is that ok?
Yes! I’ll meet you in the lobby.
I released a breath and slid his phone back into my pocket. “OK, he told me to come over.” I sounded calmer than I felt.
I pushed open the door and walked outside. Madison followed me.
“You can’t follow me all the way to the hotel, you know,” I said, smiling to hide my nerves.
She rolled her eyes. “I know.” She swallowed, the annoyed façade she’d been wearing slipping away. “Be careful, OK?”
“I will.”
“Should we hug? I feel like we should hug.”
I laughed, my nerves easing a little. “We should definitely hug.”
We embraced briefly before I turned and began walking. It was gray and raining, and I stopped after a few
