“I admire you for that.”
“For what? Leading three women on?”
I shook my head. “For being able to admit that you screwed up and not dwell on it.”
“What else can you do? Live with guilt for the rest of your life?”
His reply resonated with me because unlike him, I knew I’d never be able to push past it. He was one of the lucky ones who had escaped. I, on the other hand, would be serving a life sentence because I couldn’t break free.
CHAPTER 6
DARKNESS WAS UPON us by the time we climbed the steps of the subway, reaching the sidewalk to head back to the hotel. I did a double take when Theo reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a cigarette. “You smoke?” I asked.
“Kind of,” he replied, battling with the wind and his lighter. “I’m trying really hard to quit, but every now and then, I can’t help myself.” He finally got it lit and took a drag. “Don’t tell Kate, she’s been on my case to stop forever.”
“You have my word. But you know she’s right, it’s so bad for you.”
“Yeah, so are a lot of things. Think about it, what are the chances of getting hit by a car or getting shot by some random stranger on the street? Just as great, right? But yet we still go out in public where those things happening to us are greater. Or how many people get diagnosed with cancer who have never smoked in their life?”
He was right. Evan never smoked, he ate healthy, and went to the gym every day, and yet he still died much too young. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense in a weird way. I promise I won’t lecture anymore.”
Theo put out his cigarette just as we reached the hotel. We walked up the steps and he held the door open for me. When we entered, everyone who had gone on the optional Salzburg tour earlier in the day was just coming into the hotel through the back door where the bus dropped them off. It was as if we had planned our arrival in perfect unison with them. Kate and DeAndre walked in with their arms looped together as Kate threw her head back and laughed at something DeAndre had just said. They both locked eyes on Theo and me, each giving us a questionable gaze.
“Well, well, well. Kate and I were going to make you guys jealous over the great time you missed this afternoon, but I see you two made your own fun.” DeAndre raised his eyebrow in a mischievous way and nudged Kate.
Kate tried to hold back her grin, and I felt my face flush. “It was so beautiful, Theo. Everything I thought it would be and more. It was like being inside of a snow globe.” Kate beamed.
“I’m really happy you enjoyed it,” Theo replied so sweetly to his sister that it made my heart swell. “Are you tired?”
“A little, but it’s a good kind of tired,” Kate replied.
He looked at her with concern, but when she flashed him a reassuring smile, his tense expression faded. “Well, it was a great afternoon, Jillian. Thanks for your company.” Theo turned his attention back to me.
“No. Thank you, it really was a lot of fun.” He nodded and then focused on Kate, who really did appear to be exhausted. I could relate to how she was feeling. Between the cold air and all the walking we did, I was pretty tired myself.
DeAndre and I said good night to Kate and Theo and watched them head over to the elevators. I turned around to find DeAndre staring at me inquisitively. “What?” I asked.
“I don’t know. What?” He smirked.
I shook my head in confusion.
“Come on, Jillian. You and Mr. Handsome spending the afternoon together.”
I threw my head back and laughed over where DeAndre’s mind was going. Not only because Theo wasn’t my type, but because I was totally emotionally unavailable. “Whatever you’re thinking…just no!”
“Whatever you say,” he retorted in a dismissive manner.
“Let’s go get some sleep because you’re clearly in need of it,” I teased as we walked to the elevators to head to our rooms.
The next day went by in a whirlwind. We had stopped at several storybook-like little towns, visited another castle, and by the day’s end, we were checking into our next hotel in Innsbruck, Austria, where we’d be spending the night. By the time we arrived it was dark and foggy, not allowing for any visibility of the beautiful Alps I was hoping to see. DeAndre and I were headed to the Christmas market to check it out when we spotted Theo standing outside the hotel puffing on a cigarette. I stopped myself from the lecture I promised him I wouldn’t give and smiled.
“Hey there!” I greeted.
“Oh, hello, you two.” He seemed a little out of it. Theo and Kate went off on their own for most of the day and we only met up with them when we were climbing back onto the bus from our many adventures.
“Jillian and I are headed to the market; did you and Kate want to join us?” DeAndre asked.
“Oh, um…” He took one last drag of his cigarette and put it out. “I, um…” He raked his hand through his messy curls. “Kate’s asleep.” He finally got out.
“Okay, then why don’t you just come.” DeAndre suggested, totally aloof to the internal battle Theo seemed to be having with himself.
“Yeah…but umm…do you care if I grab my phone first? I left it in the room.”
“No problem,” DeAndre replied.
Theo nodded, still seeming a little uneasy.
“I don’t think he really wants to come with us,” I said to DeAndre once Theo had gone back into the hotel.
“What? If he didn’t want to come, then why wouldn’t he have just said so?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged.
I was hoping that Kate didn’t insinuate to
