“Thank you,” I whispered and gazed down at the ground.
“How did you know Kate?” he asked.
There it was. The question I didn’t think I’d ever have to answer, at least not to anyone who had known both Evan and Kate. I cleared my throat and replied with the truth. “I met Kate through Evan, and the two of us became the best of friends.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, you’ve obviously been dealing with a lot of grief over this past year.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Well, you please take care of yourself, and it was lovely to see you again.”
“And you as well,” I replied, watching him as he walked away.
“Jillian,” a voice beckoned. I turned around to find Renata, Theo’s ex-wife, approaching me. Theo had introduced me to her and her husband earlier.
“Oh, hey.” I smiled, pushing a stray hair hanging in my face behind my ear.
“Theo’s aunt was just telling me what a godsend you’ve been to Theo and Kate these past few weeks. I know I’m technically not part of the family anymore, but thank you. Theo was never strong when it came to this stuff. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he did take care of Katie from a very young age, but crises are not his strong suit. He’s so lucky to have you here to help out with everything.” Her smile was hiding something. Something she wanted to say, but was unable to get out. I gazed at her thoughtfully, allowing her time to collect her thoughts. “Theo is a great guy, but do be careful.”
“Huh?”
“You seem like a really lovely person. I wouldn’t want to see you get your heart broken.”
“Why would I…why do say that?” I shook my head.
“Because you’re looking at someone who has firsthand experience in that department.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and brushed my cheek with a kiss. “Now let me go rescue Theo from my husband who is talking his ear off.”
She walked away, and I stood there oblivious to everyone and everything around me. Lost in a trance, the same trance I was in on the day I said goodbye to Evan.
“Jillian, love. You must be exhausted. You’ve been going nonstop for the past four days. Why don’t you take a little rest when we get back?” Anna said, snapping me out of it.
“Oh…umm. Really, it’s okay, I’m fine. I’ll just sleep well tonight.” I forced a smile.
“You’re going to get sick, dear; you’ve been running yourself ragged.”
“I promise you, after today, I’ll take it easy.”
“Well, I’m going to hold you to it.” She looped her arm in mine and we strolled over to Theo, who was deep in conversation with Renata and her husband.
“Oh, there you are.” Theo placed his arm around me, then kissed the top of my head. It felt so strange to be standing here beside him with his ex and her husband. I wasn’t sure why, but I couldn’t seem to shake off the feeling that maybe I didn’t belong here. I was the one with Theo’s arm around me, but I was the outsider. This woman standing across from me had a history with him. She knew a side of him I had only gotten a glimpse of when he was with Phoebe. I scanned the area for Thomas, hoping to use him as an excuse to escape, but then I remembered Theo’s cousin had taken him back to Kate’s earlier.
“I told Jillian she should go back to Kate’s and lie down, but she’s not having it,” Anna lectured. “The poor dear has been going nonstop for weeks now.” She directed her statement to Renata, who looked at me sympathetically. I was wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. I didn’t want this unwanted attention, and I certainly didn’t want sympathy.
“Umm…you know what, Theo? If you don’t mind, I think I will head back to Kate’s with Anna.”
I could tell I took him by surprise after I had promised not to leave his side today. But the truth was, he was the one who left. He didn’t need me. He was just fine on his own. Once his grief began to wane, and the stress of Kate’s sickness subsided—would he need me even less? I thought back to that night we had come back from the pub, the first time he kissed me. You won’t know if I’m doing this because I’m feeling sadder than I ever have in my life and just need someone, and I won’t know if you’re doing it just because you’re taking pity on me.
He was definitely at the saddest point in his life, and I was pitying him greatly. What had I thought changed from that night to the night we first made love in London? Nothing. He was still feeling down, and I was still feeling badly over it. Still, I knew where my feelings stood with Theo and they had nothing to do with the fact that I was feeling sorry for him and his situation. I truly did love and care for him in a way I never thought possible again. I wasn’t sure if I could withstand the pain if Theo was allowing his circumstances to guide his heart instead of his true feelings.
CHAPTER 29
THE DAY THAT followed Kate’s funeral was like an awakening. I told myself I was going to start breaking from the old Jillian who was going through life listening to her heart and revert back to the Jillian who only listened to her head. Given the fact that it was only a little after 7:00 a.m. and I hadn’t gotten out of bed yet, I wasn’t sure how it would pan out.
When Theo crawled in bed beside me the night prior, I pretended I was sleeping. I knew if I hadn’t, I would have started asking questions, whose
