“Oh.” Her voice trembled, her breath catching so sharply in her throat that I could almost feel it myself. “Utah.” Her dark brows drew together, her lips pressing into a thin line.
But then she smiled, resting her free hand on my knee and giving a small squeeze. “That’s great! If you’re excited, then I’m excited.” Her words sounded genuine. Almost. It felt like there was something missing.
And I was excited. Utah was going to be great for my career. And hopefully, it would be great for the two of us, too. Maybe if I told Helena about that, she’d find it easier to be excited. “I’ve got a huge signing bonus,” I told her. Helena had never cared about money, so that wasn’t the reason and I knew she knew that.
“We can pick a house together! And then, once I’ve settled, you could come with me? You’re almost done with university, so... Just come with me, Helena?” There were almost no things I wanted more than that. Winning the Stanley Cup and having Helena always with me. Those were the two things I felt would fulfill all my desires.
“Come with you,” Helena repeated, the pressure of her hand lightening. “Come with you to do law school in… Utah?” From the way her voice almost disappeared on the last word, it was clear this plan didn’t strike her as brilliantly as it struck me.
She still smiled, which helped me not to feel too disappointed. Maybe Helena wasn’t as excited about Utah as I had hoped, but she was clearly trying.
“I don’t even know how applying for an American college works,” she breathed. “I don’t know whether they would accept me with a Canadian degree.” That made me frown. Surely they would? It wasn’t as if writing essays was that different from one place to another.
Biting down on her lower lip, Helena shook her head slightly. “How long do you think you’ll be in Utah?” she asked. “You’ve only been here for a couple of years. By the time I finish law school, you might be back in Canada.”
“I hope not.” The words were out of my mouth before I could help it. But it was the truth. I wanted the Pumas to be my forever team. And sure, it wasn’t something that I could guarantee; that didn’t mean I couldn’t hope for it. But Helena clearly wasn’t on the same wavelength as me.
That didn’t happen often. Ever since we’d met, things had been good between us. We moved, or so I thought, in the same direction. But this didn’t feel like we were on the same page. So obviously, I just needed to explain it better.
“This is good! Utah will be great for me.” It would be great for us! Helena had always wanted to live in a city and sure, it wasn’t the closest place to home but she didn’t even like her family that much. My NHL salary could pay for plenty of plane tickets.
“Great for you,” Helena echoed, pulling her legs back from my lap so she could get to her feet. “Everyone in your career moves around. But lawyers don’t! What am I supposed to do, sit the bar exam all over again in every state you move to?”
Helena had never sounded so annoyed. Not at me, anyway. She’d gotten annoyed with her parents, mostly on my behalf. She’d never used that same tone directed at me.
And what had I even done wrong? It wasn’t up to me where I was traded!
“Can you imagine what that would be like?”
No. I had no idea what it would be like. But I knew that Helena could do it! She was so smart and so dedicated. Sure, maybe it would be hard, but I would be there to support her. That would make things better, right? The way Helena was staring at me, it didn’t feel like it was going to be better.
“I can’t imagine it,” I admitted. “But... it’s doable, no? And maybe I won’t ever get traded again!” That was, of course, the hope. But even if I did, we could make things work! I had to move for work, Helena was right, it was part of my career. “You’ve always known this is what the NHL will be like,” I pointed out.
Helena brought her hands together, fingers rubbing against the opposite palm. “Yes, I knew the NHL would be like this,” she agreed. “And I knew that lawyers needed to pass the bar if they want to move between provinces - or states. But I didn’t know what law school would be like.”
She turned her head, blue eyes staring out at me. It made me want to jump up and wrap my arms around her, promise her that we could make this work. “I still don’t know what law school is like. But you hear things - about how much work it is, how much pressure you get put under. And even handling essay deadlines now is so much harder than when we were at school!”
“Sure, but you can do it!” I told her in a way that I thought was encouraging. From how red Helena’s face went, it didn’t seem like she agreed. “I mean, what does it matter where you do it, anyway? Salt Lake City is fine, I’m sure.” It wasn’t like I could not go. But Helena could choose to come with me.
Of course, she hadn’t done so far, but that was because of university. At least that was what she’d said. But if now, when I had
