Helena stared down at me, her blue eyes so bright that it ached to look at them. Her breath caught, too, the sound ripping through my heart like tissue paper. The thought that neither of us knew how to overcome this was terrifying.
Never in our relationship had I doubted that we were meant to be together. But it sounded like Helena had been questioning it for a while, like this was only just coming out now.
“I don’t know.”
Those words felt like they were closing something.
In the end, we didn’t find an agreement. That night, we ate what was the saddest pizza we’d ever shared. For a couple of weeks after, we tried to pretend like this was just a break. Like we could make it work after all. But by the time I was moving to Utah six months later, Helena and I were officially over.
It hurt more than I could have ever imagined. Even hockey couldn’t wipe away that feeling. Learning to be without Helena, to live as someone who was single, was both hard and not something I had ever thought I’d have to do.
My heart ached for Helena with every achievement I reached. My fingers always itched to call her, to tell her about it. It took me months to get over that feeling. But despite everything, I knew that part of my heart would always stay with Helena.
PRESENT DAY
Despite skating on my high school ice all summer, it still felt strange. Less so than it had done that first time I'd skated out on it, even less so than sharing it with the other Pumas for a pick-up game had been, but still strange. The feel of the ice was very different than at the Pumas’ rink, which made sense, since the ice got different care. It was a difference that most people wouldn’t have even known to notice yet it was so obvious to me.
“You finishing up, Levesque?” I heard someone call out from behind me just as I was doing my last lap.
“Well, aren’t you a blast from the past!” I grinned at the man. He looked older around the edges of his eyes, with hair a bit more silvery than I recalled. Coach James had seen me through most of my high school. While he wasn’t the only reason I’d gotten drafted, he’d played a huge part.
Skating to the boards, I stopped short before him so we could talk better. “Thanks for letting me use the ice!” I offered. It hadn’t been exclusively his call but he had rearranged some of his summer camp training hours so I could fit training in around it.
He grinned. “Of course. It’s our privilege, honestly, to have a hometown hero back on our ice!” I didn’t feel particularly heroic, but I understood his point. I would’ve been excited if a player for the NHL had come to visit during my years at high school.
“You’ll be heading Stateside before too long?” he asked. Though he hadn’t been at the wedding, I supposed that everyone in town knew when it had been.
The summer was ending, which meant that, yes, I was leaving soon. Back at the beginning, I had dreaded spending a whole summer at home. By now, I almost... maybe was a little sad about leaving.
Of course, I missed hockey. Having the season start would do me good, help with my normal structure. Yet, there was a niggling feeling at the back of my head, something reminding me that home hadn’t been all that bad. And that I’d miss it. Not just home, though, that was the truth.
Coach didn’t want to hear about my relationship woes now any more than he had back in high school.
“Soon, yeah!” I nodded, shaking the thoughts out of my head. “It’s been a long summer, I’ve been helping my brother build a house for his new wife.” Which was also something Coach probably knew about; Lunengrove was pretty small and word got around about most things.
His nodding confirmed my assumption. “I heard about that. Can’t say I ever did anything quite so grand as build a house for either of my wives!” We both chuckled, though in my case it was fondly. Pat certainly had gone all out, but from what he’d texted me the morning after the wedding, Charlotte had been very appreciative.
“Is it something you think about doing?” Coach asked me. “I know of a few more houses around town that could use some renovations, if you plan to move back one of these days.”
“Everyone’s so eager to have me move back!” I joked. It wasn’t quite true, but Pat had more or less said as much. I knew that mom and dad would be delighted if I came back. But now wasn’t the right time, even if spending this summer at home had made me consider it a lot more.
Giving a small shrug, I smiled at my old coach. “It’s something I’ve thought about more now,” I admitted. “But you know how it is, can’t give up the NHL for small-town glory,” I joked. More than that, I didn’t want to. I loved my team and I loved the hockey we played.
“Of course not,” Coach James agreed, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I hope to watch you playing in a lot more Stanley Cup finals before you even think about giving up the big time!”
I grinned. Yeah, that was something that I hoped for, too.
“Maybe by the time you retire, I’ll be thinking about scaling back the work I’m doing,” Coach continued. “It would be an honor to pass it on to you, Levesque.”
Wow! That wasn’t something I’d thought about. Obviously, training, coaching, that sort of stuff, had occurred to me as a solid career post-retirement.
