“I still can’t believe you’re here.”
“Meaning?”
“You met my crazy sister and her family. You actually played with my nephew, and you sat there through my mom’s whole psycho meltdown. I just . . . I can’t believe you’re not running.”
I reached for her hand and kissed her ring finger. Was it too soon for a rock and a bent knee?
My phone buzzed, and Lauren snatched it up.
“Lauren, no—”
“Don’t worry.” She opened it, pressed speaker, and held it up to my ear.
“Hello?” I asked. Please don’t be Matty.
“Hey, Cart.”
My stomach twisted into a thousand knots.
“I did s-something so dumb. Can I . . . can I borrow like three grand? I’ll get it back to you, I swear.”
“Matty, I transferred that two hundred yesterday. That’s it. I told you I’m not doing this anymore.”
“I know I’m a loser, okay? I-I can’t keep myself out of the casino. Clair—” He hiccuped, coughed, mumbled something I couldn’t make out. Wait. Was he sobbing?
“Matty?”
“Clair’s about to leave me, man. I just. One last time. Please.”
The guilt came flooding back, and I tried to remember everything I’d talked about with the counselors. Matty’s decisions weren’t my fault. He needed to get help for his addiction, but he never had a problem before the accident. I was the one who took his sister away.
“I can do a grand,” I said, shaking my head, because the pressure building behind my brow bone was too much. It would mean one more month at home after Bridgeport, and saying no to Lani and his job offer though. My throat constricted, my gut tightening against another wave of grief.
“Thanks, man. I swear I’ll pay it back.”
“Yeah.” He wouldn’t, but it didn’t matter.
Every penny I earned was his if he wanted it.
-LAUREN-
I stared at Carter across the cab, his body rigid, eyes set like lasers on the road. “What’s happening?”
He ran a hand down his beard before he relaxed a little. “Sorry. That was my brother-in-law. He uh . . . he has a gambling problem.”
“I picked up on that part, but why did you cave? Are you seriously giving him a thousand dollars?”
“He’s about to lose his family. If I can save them—”
“You can’t. I have an uncle with a gambling problem. He never got better. Not even after he lost his entire life savings and his family. My grandparents were always bailing him out when they were alive. He’s such a user—”
“Matty’s not a user. It’s how he’s dealing with his sister’s death.”
“Is that what he told you? Carter, this guy is a user.”
Carter threw his blinker on, taking the next off-ramp. He yanked the Chevy into the first gas station available and screeched to a halt, dirt spinning through the air. He slammed his palms into the steering wheel, pressed his fingers to his brow, and sobbed, shoulders shaking.
“Carter?
“It was my fault.”
I lifted the console between us and slid over beside him, rubbing his back.
“It was an accident.”
“I fell asleep at the wheel, Lauren. Then we were rolling into a ditch. And we kept rolling. I couldn’t stop it. My leg got pinned, and when I looked over at her, her face was bloody and she was screaming for help. And I tried. I swear, I tried everything I knew to do, but I was losing too much blood myself, and I passed out before I could get to her.” He shook his head. “And the worst part? She was pregnant—we were on our way to our twenty-week ultra sound.
The night before I went out with my military buds and Meg’s brother, Matty—and we had too much to drink. I was tired and hungover when I woke up, but I bulldozed my way into driving us to the hospital, even after she volunteered twice. I was the man. The man’s supposed to drive, right?” He snorted. “Dang, I was so stupid.”
“Oh my gosh, Carter. I’m so sorry,” I whispered, moving my fingertips to the nape of his neck, wanting to comfort him as much as he wanted to comfort Matty.
“Megs was perfect. And innocent. She had no clue how much of an idiot she married. She made me so much better.”
Perfect? My chest constricted, and my stomach clenched. There was no way I’d ever compare to Megan! The perfect wife, innocent, and pregnant with his baby?
“If there’s anything in the world I can do to help ease Matty’s pain, or her parents’, or anyone else’s, I will.”
I pulled away, so confused. I was hurt, I wanted to scream, I wanted to run away—but most of all, I hated seeing Carter in so much pain. Taking a deep calming breath, I said, “I’m not a counselor, but holding onto guilt like that can ruin you.”
Carter glared at me, eyes bloodshot and crazy.
“It should’ve been me. She should still be here. I can’t believe God took her like that—He let it all happen.”
“Carter, it was an accident. Falling asleep at the wheel—that can happen to anyone.”
He shook his head, crossing his arms as he stared at the dashboard.
“You’re right. You’re not a counselor, just keep your nose out of my business.”
My jaw dropped. I slid all the way back to the passenger side door and slammed the console arm down. “You’ve been all up in my business since that day you dragged me to the hospital.”
“Lauren, just back off, all right? You have no idea what Matty went through after Megs died. You don’t even know who Megs was. And, you’re nothing like her.”
“Wait. What’s that supp—”
My phone buzzed in my lap, basically jolting me out of my seat. I glanced at the screen. Kel.
Perfect. She could come rescue me, again, remind me of my stupidity for falling for yet another dud, and then she could come down hard on me about moving too fast, blah, blah, bah.
I turned toward the window. “Hello?”
“Hey, Laur. I’m sorry, but Liam’s refusing to take a nap. He wants to talk to the chicken first. Is Carter cool with that?”
“Here,” I said, holding
