Something constricting curled inside my chest.
Didn’t Carter even want me here?
What if he didn’t?
I was doing him a favor! When he asked me to come, it was like he wouldn’t be able to handle it without me. And, I wanted to be here for him. Just, if he didn’t want me to, then he should’ve told me.
I could’ve stayed at Bridgeport for a perfectly calm weekend, or visited Kellie. Didn’t he get that I wasn’t completely on board with going to his dead wife’s memorial?
Because, honestly, my skin crawled at the thought of meeting her family.
Carter turned around and made eye contact with me.
I smiled weakly, gave a little wave.
He just turned back around.
-CARTER-
“It’s bad this time,” Matty was saying.
“How much worse could it be?”
“My car’s gone.”
“What? Someone stole it?”
“No. I sold it.” His voice was laced with panic, his breaths coming faster. “Sold it and gambled the money.”
“You, what?”
“I know. I know. I know. I’m an idiot. Clair’s definitely leaving me this time. Can I borrow another grand? I think I can sweet-talk the guy into selling it back.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Please, Carter. Just this last time.”
Matty was bad before, but this defied logic. “I don’t know, Matty. I already gave you a lot. I don’t really have anything left right now.”
He went quiet and then his sobs came through the phone. “It’s just, I can’t deal without Megan, man. And every time I come to the casino, I forget about her, about the way she left. If we never went out drinking that night, she’d still be here. It’s all our fault.”
My throat tightened the longer Matty begged, Megs’ beautiful face surfacing in my mind. I nodded, because I had to. She was gone because of me, and everyone else was paying the price for it.
“I’ll have it transferred from my credit card. You’re killing me though, Matty. You have to know that.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”
“Right.” I disconnected and jumped when I saw Lauren standing there, scowling. She was back to Miss America again, and all that makeup made her look overdone and fake. Megs was always natural.
“What?” I asked, returning the scowl. She had no right to judge me when I was paying back a debt I’d never stop owing.
“You caved again.”
“It’s not your money.”
“What about getting out of your parents’? What about the offer you got from Lani? What about the future you keep talking about wanting? You’ll never have any of it if you keep caving, Carter. And, what about us?”
Even worse than the regret of inviting Lauren was the guilt plaguing my whole system. Guilt for doing this to Megs. Guilt for doing this to Lauren. Guilt for doing this to our families. I was basically forcing all of us to move on when we hadn’t even finished grieving the past yet. The accident was only a year ago!
“I’m sorry, Lauren. Seriously. I’m really sorry.”
I pulled her into my arms, and her hands clung to my shirt, like holding me tight enough would bring me back. I wanted her to, but my whole world was caving, and right now, she was just along for the ride. I swept her hair behind her shoulder, pressed my lips to her forehead. Closing my eyes, I tried to forget Megs—but, it was like she was right there, leaning back against the bed of the truck watching us.
“I’m sorry I brought you.”
She froze, then relaxed her grip.
I shrugged, stepping back to judge her face. Her eyes were narrowed, her lips pressed into a tight line. My gaze traveled down to her peachy-gold sandals. The buckle sat at a forty-five-degree angle at her ankle. Her feet were swelling. Megs’ feet used to do that too.
“You asked me to come. And, I need my boyfriend to tell me he wants me here.”
Boyfriend.
I don’t know how I forgot that I was her boyfriend, but I did. Boyfriend . . . that sounded so puny compared to what I’d had with Megs.
“I don’t think I can go to your parents’ if you don’t want me there,” she said.
My gut twisted, and I wanted to say Yes, please come. But I couldn’t lie. “If I knew how bringing you would make me feel, I wouldn’t have asked you. I’m sorry.”
“Okay, but you did. So, maybe you can just . . . I don’t know.” Lauren raked her fingers through her hair, fluffing it out with hard, manic strokes. “I just . . . I don’t know how to deal with you and your ex-wife.”
“She’s not my ex-wife.”
“Okay. Your deceased wife. Or, your past wife. Or, whatever I’m supposed to call her. It’s like, I’m in this battle with this ghost, and I don’t know how to compete.”
I was more than done with this conversation.
“We need to head out.”
“No. We need to get this straight, or what’s the point?”
“Get what straight? We’re going to my parents’, everyone’s there to meet you. We’ll face the demons together tomorrow, and then we’ll head back to camp.”
“You know what I’m talking about. Don’t act like everything’s fine when you’ve barely been able to look at me for the past week. If you can’t tell me what’s going through your mind, this isn’t worth it.”
“I promise you don’t wanna know what’s going through my mind. I’m heading out. Come, or don’t. It’s your call.”
Lauren climbed inside the truck, slamming the door behind her. The clang of metal reverberated through the air, creating a dissonance I could taste.
Twenty-Seven
-LAUREN-
“There it is,” Carter muttered, pulling into the horseshoe driveway of his parent’s place and parking.
“Oh, so now we’re talking?”
He shrugged.
I closed my eyes and drew a cleansing breath. What was I supposed to say now? I’d never felt so trapped in my life. On the way here, I tried finding a car service that could get me back
