“You two are just like that man. The looks of goddesses, but completely brainless. Satisfied with the menial. Opposed to actually striving for what you could attain. And you refuse to be corrected.
“For goodness sake, you refused to marry Ren. Veronica Hayes would’ve been your mother-in-law. You’d have complete support for your baby and the whole fashion world at your feet. Instead, you chose to be a single mom. Ridiculous.”
“Ren doesn’t love me, Mom.”
“Think of the life you could have had. But, no—again, you make the wrong decision. Simply foolish. And, sleazy.” She sniffed. “Just look at you.”
“Wow.” I scoffed. “Thanks, I guess? That’s exactly what I was going for in life. I totally nailed it, right?”
The sarcastic cover was easy, so much easier than letting her see the sting in my heart.
“When you were dating Ren, I truly believed you’d turned a corner. But you’ve crossed a serious line. You’ve forced me to make a decision I never thought I’d have to make, and I wouldn’t feel right unless I told you face-to-face. So, here I am.” She wove her fingers together and set them on the table, staring at them instead of me as she spoke. “My husband says, and I agree, that he and I need a completely fresh start, away from . . . anything or anyone overly shameful or embarrassing. Todd’s going into politics, and we have a certain image to uphold. An image that you and your sister don’t fit into.”
I frowned. “Okay?”
“I’m cutting both you and your sister out of my life, just like I did your father. As of today, I’ve frozen your accounts. You’re off my insurance. I’m taking my name off your student loan applications, and I want the keys to your car. You can keep the phone, but I’m not paying for it anymore.”
“What?” I barely heard myself. I mean, I’d been expecting this, right? Dreading it even. But now that it was actually happening? I shook my head, closing my eyes, the sun beating down so hard it was like Mom had the weather arranged for this moment.
“Mom, please . . .”
She lifted a brow, all business when I needed her to be a mom. My mom . . . why couldn’t she ever be that for me?
“Look. I’m sorry. Okay? I made a mistake. Obviously. But, I don’t want things to be like this between us.” I chewed the inside of my cheek because I was never vulnerable with her, but for once, I wanted to be. “Please. Don’t ditch out on me.”
Her face stiffened. She inhaled. Blinked a couple times. Exhaled. She just couldn’t, could she?
“I can’t keep doing this, Lauren. I give, and I give, and I give, and you take, and take, and take. And this is where it gets us.” Her bottom lip quivered. “I have a flight to catch. I need your keys.”
Digging into my purse, I pulled them out and handed them over.
She stood and adjusted her sunhat again. “Pregnant and a waitress in that café. It’s so predictable it’s nearly funny.”
I wasn’t worth keeping. I wasn’t worth staying for. I wasn’t worth loving. A sharp pain darted through my chest, but I swallowed against it. I could break down again later.
“See you around, Mom,” I said quietly.
I turned to watch her leave and my eyeballs crash-landed on June and Hailey—standing right there, mouths gaping.
“Yup,” I said, nodding. “I’m pregnant. You can tell Pastor Gregg I’m packing my things. He doesn’t have to come and fire me. I’ll leave on my own.”
Thirty
-LAUREN-
Brushing past two shining examples of innocent Christians, girls who could never understand what it was like being single and pregnant, I rushed to the women’s lodge. A massive lump was forming in my throat, but I was beyond crying now. I locked the door to my room, hoping June would just leave me alone. I didn’t feel like hearing what a bad sinner I was, that I was going straight to hell. I was already there anyway.
When I thought about packing, something tugged at my heart. No. Not something. Someone. The vision God gave me in Kel’s church came back. Nine-months pregnant before a God I thought would destroy me, but He smiled down on me instead, welcoming me back home. I got down on my knees and folded my hands together, and thought about how Kellie talked to Jesus. Like He knew her better than anyone else in the world. Like He was her closest friend.
I opened my heart about my mom, and how much she’d hurt me. How I really missed my dad. And I did. I missed his support and his love, our days out fishing on the water, and our drives through the woods. I thanked God so much for my sister and finally, I thanked Him for the sweet baby growing inside of me. I told him I was sorry.
For the way the baby came. For ignoring Him for so long. I asked for help with doing things the way He wanted from now on. When I asked for His forgiveness, when I prayed He would take His place on the throne over my life, like in the vision, a peace flooded my being like I’d never felt before and I heard the quietest whispers in response:
I love you.
I forgive you.
You’re mine.
Tears stung my eyes as Carter came to my mind and heart. I raised my face and hands to the ceiling, because that’s what Kellie did when she was serious. She called it battling in prayer, and if God would really hear me out, I wanted to do that for Carter. Battle for a soldier who’d had the battle taken out of him. For what felt like an hour,
