That’s when it hit me. Every single twisted thing I’d ever imagined could happen, already happened. I was pregnant, boyfriend-less, jobless, and parent-less. But, actually, not everything was gone. I still had Kellie and Jared, and like she’d told me about a million times, they were welcoming me and my baby with open arms. Jared was even planning to start building us the little studio apartment Kellie told me about. I’d be able to save money again, eventually. And maybe I could start at the Fashion Institute next year.
And, I was still here, alive. Breathing. Making plans for the future.
Plans for my future . . .
That was a verse! One I’d heard a thousand times as a camper, so often that it almost felt cliché, but it so wasn’t right now. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I dug my Bible out from the depths of the suitcase, thumbed through the pages, and there it was.
Jeremiah 29:12–14:
“12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity[a].”
Chills coated my skin.
I underlined the verse in glitter pink pen. I read it again. And again. And again. I drew a big fat bubble cloud around the whole section, and put a heart beside it. I wrote the date inside the heart, because I never wanted to forget this day. The day I realized I was never actually alone. The day when God showed Himself to me, and promised that He’d always be there, if I just sought Him with everything I had. The day I realized I belonged. That even if my world was destroyed, and my family was totally ruined, God was always the same, and He said I was His.
Kellie said I needed to start by loving myself, and seeing myself through God’s eyes. She was right. For this baby, I would do anything. So I could love it—her—with all my heart. I mean, loving myself that way would take some major time, but with the help of a God like the one I’d just talked to, it had to be possible, right?
I closed my eyes one last time, the widest smile cresting my lips as I whispered back to Him in my heart.
Thank you, God. You’re so amazing. I love you.
A knock sounded at the door, and I should’ve been freaking out, but I felt calm. I didn’t know what was coming, but in the end, the same truth was always there. I had God with me now.
“Just a sec, June,” I said, getting up, wiping my face. Obviously it was time to pack. I started throwing clothes into my suitcase.
“It’s not just me.” June’s voice traveled through the door. “Hailey’s with me, and Pastor Gregg.”
“Lauren, can we come in and have a little chat?” Pastor Gregg asked.
My legs quivered but I took a deep cleansing breath and prayed, Jesus, I need your help with this one. You said if I seek you, I’ll find you, and I’m seeking you now.
The second I unlocked the door, June and Hailey burst in.
“Oh, my gosh, Lauren,” June said. “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
“You got mascara all down your jumpsuit,” Hailey said. “Don’t worry, I know the perfect trick to get that out.”
They both hugged me tight and more tears stung my eyes.
“It’s okay, guys. I was just praying. Cried a little. I, uh, feel closer to God now though. More than I’ve ever felt before, like, in my life. I think I just had this incredible moment with Him actually . . . before you walked in.”
“Funny how He does that, isn’t it?” Pastor Gregg sat down at the desk chair, groaning with appreciation. “Always reveals Himself when we’re in the middle of a mess. Did it a few times in the book of John. There was a woman at a well He did that with once. And another who was about to be stoned. Stepped in to save ‘em both times though.” He cleared his throat. “So, these girls tell me you’re in a bit of trouble? Something about your mom just writing you off? Tell me how I can help.”
I swallowed, glancing from June to Hailey. June nodded.
“Um. Yeah . . . so, Pastor Gregg, I, uh . . .” I closed my eyes, hating the burning in my gut, but I wanted to be honest and I was ready for the fallout now.
Hailey and June sat on either side of me, each holding tight to one of my hands.
“We got you, Lauren,” June whispered.
They did, didn’t they? And, after everything that just happened, I had to believe God had me, too.
I love you . . .
I forgive you . . .
You’re mine . . .
“I made a mistake with my ex before camp started, and I’m . . . I’m pregnant.” I blew a shaky breath. “I know it means I can’t stay up here. I just came in to start packing. I’m so sorry. And embarrassed.”
He blinked a few times. Nodded. “How far along are you?”
“Um. Fourteen weeks.”
He squinted a little. “That’s somewhere in the second trimester isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
He drew a deep breath, his eyes getting a distant glow as a little smile crested the corners of his mouth. “My wife, Amy, always loved that part best. Have you felt the baby move yet?”
“Not yet.”
He drew another breath. “Well, Lauren, I appreciate you telling me. And, I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation.”
I ducked my head, releasing a small sigh. “Me too.”
“Where do you plan to go from here?”
“My sister said I could stay with her if
