“You so can, Lauren,” Hailey practically squealed. “June, you’ll go up with her, right?”
“Sure. I can play for you. Let me go talk to Philly,” June said.
She excused herself and bounced over to her boyfriend’s table, sliding into the seat beside him all sly.
“I can’t, Hailey. I haven’t sung in public since high school.”
“You so can,” she said, nudging me with her elbow. “Love knows no bounds, right?”
“I might die.” My nausea came back full swing, and it had nothing to do with the baby.
June came waltzing back, flashing the thumbs-up sign. “He said we can practice with them in twenty minutes. You’ll come up at the end of the set, and I’ll play guitar for you.”
Wait. What was happening?
“You said his wife was musical, right? I’m sure it’ll snap him out of whatever trance he’s in.” June waggled her brows at me. “He’s about to get a big fat electric shockwave to the heart. The guy doesn’t stand a chance.”
I was standing on the church stage with the band, with over two hundred staffers and campers gawking up at me from the pews. Pastor Gregg, wearing a pink and orange floral Hawaiian shirt gave me a thumbs up. June strummed a soft rhythm on the guitar, and I blew a short breath, forgetting that the mic would amplify it around the room
My heartbeat pounded in my ears and my throat constricted. But it didn’t matter. God saved me, brought me back from captivity, and I needed Carter to see it. I wanted him to know that God could change him too. The low strum I was waiting for sounded and I sang.
“I’m alive because you live,” I started, low, and slow, and soulful, and the whole room went silent. June’s guitar strums reverberated inside my being, and I felt like I could sing with a conviction I’d never felt before. “Here and now, my heart I’ll give. I can’t breathe without your breath, don’t wanna walk outside your steps. Yeah, I’m alive because you live.”
I scanned the rows of faces for Carter’s, his gaze meeting mine just as June hit the next note. His hair was disheveled, and he looked so exhausted, but he was here.
“No regrets, I’m moving on,” I continued. “My past erased, my sins are gone. So, I’ll take your loving hand, trust your heart, and trust your plan. Yeah, I’m alive because you live.”
Carter closed his eyes, crossing his arms. I sang straight to him, willing him to open his eyes, to see what I saw. To understand that God really had brought us together this summer.
“I was lost, until you found me here. Raised me up, and took away my fears. You made me new when You gave me You. Yeah, I’m alive because you live.”
Carter opened his eyes and every fiber in my being hummed with relief—then he slid out of his pew and marched down the aisle. Light poured into the chapel as Carter opened the door and disappeared. I missed the next cue and June replayed the verse whispering, “Your grace saves.”
He wasn’t getting out of this. I had to make him see.
“Lauren,” June whispered again.
“Sorry guys,” I said into the mic.
I darted off the stage and booked it out of the chapel, squinting against the light outside until I could see Carter’s big broad back as he stormed away from the chapel. Stormed away from God. And stormed away from me.
“Carter!” I shouted, running after him. He didn’t turn. I didn’t care. I caught up to him, and gripped his arm, forcing him to stop. “Hold on.”
He sighed and looked at me, face totally gray. “What?”
My eyes were burning, because as much as I hated that I’d fallen so hard for someone at camp so fast again, I had.
“Carter, I love you, stronger than I’ve ever loved anyone before. You have to know, I love you. And God’s so real. You have to get it. He totally changed me earlier. I finally realized that he’s enough for me, Carter. God has my back. I can do this. I can be a mom, and I can be the girl you need.”
He dropped his gaze to the ground.
“I know you don’t want to choose between us, but you don’t have to. I know you love Megan. I know you’ll always love her. It’s okay with me. You can love us both, right? I still believe in us and I still want to do this with you.” I closed the gap between us and lifted my hand to cup his cheek. “Can we try again? Please?”
Carter flinched away. “I’m sorry. I gotta go.”
Thirty-One
-CARTER-
I didn’t know where I was driving to at first, just off the mountain, away from Lauren, away from that song that brought so many memories back. It was the same dang song Megs sang at our wedding, and again, when she’d told me she’d made it to the second trimester with our last baby.
The song kept spinning through my mind. The same song Riley played through the speakers at Megs’ memorial service last weekend. Memorial. It was a laughable word. There was no way to put limits like that on a girl like Megs. The only crying a marine does is the battle kind, but I couldn’t hold back the tears.
It was way too much. All of it was.
Being around Lauren was like straight torture. And she loved me? I didn’t deserve a second chance—a beautiful new wife and a baby who would call me Daddy. Not when Megs was in the ground, her body cold and rotting. What God would allow someone like her to die, when it should have been me? She was perfect! And she was more than faithful. In church every single Sunday and praising Him with her life throughout the week. She would’ve been the perfect mother and
