June rubbed my back. Hailey squeezed my hand.
“You know. I understand if you need to leave, but . . . I have a proposition for you, if you think you might reconsider.”
“You’re not firing me?”
“Is the past behind you?”
“I’m not that person anymore, Pastor Gregg. I mean, I definitely don’t want to be. But, after what I just went through with God, I don’t even think it’s possible.”
He nodded. “If you’re serious in that, then I’d love to find a way to keep you on, but I’ll have to ask you to reconsider that contract you signed.”
I dropped my head. When I was hired at Bridgeport, I’d signed a contract promising to be an example for the campers. Meaning, daily devotions, no swearing, following camp dress code, practicing abstinence. I’d meant it when I signed, but then, everything with Ren happened. “I can’t believe how blind I was.”
“The enemy’s expert at drawing us into his traps. But the scriptures say that God’s faithful and just to forgive us our sins as soon as we ask. Then He throws ‘em into a sea of forgetfulness. Have you asked God to forgive you?”
“Just before you walked in.”
“Then it’s forgotten.” He nodded and glanced at each of us before returning his sights to me. “It’s a difficult task, but your bravery in facing motherhood alone deserves a medal, Lauren. Reminds me of a teenage mom I read about in the Bible a few times before.”
Hailey, June, and I exchanged confused glances and Pastor Gregg grinned. “Her name was Mary. And the King of the universe came to us through her.”
Chills covered my arms.
“If you’re willing to follow the contract the rest of the summer, and keep accountable to June and Hailey, and come meet with me once a week, I’d like you to stay on.”
A weight lifted off my shoulders. “Really?”
He nodded.
“I’d love to.”
“Let’s meet on Thursday mornings, then. I’m in my office on weekdays, so if you need to talk more, you’re welcome to drop in anytime. Amy’s available, too, if you’d prefer to chat woman to woman. We’ll just keep all of this under wraps for now. And I’ll see you at chapel tonight, right?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Oh, and, this boy. He’s not on-staff here, is he?”
I shook my head.
“Good.” Pastor Gregg stood with a protective glint in his eyes. “Probably better for everyone that way. Amy and I will be praying for you, Lauren.”
“Thank you, Pastor Gregg.”
“See you this evening, ladies.” With that, he left, and June and Hailey hugged me tight.
“Thanks, guys. Can I have a minute, alone though? I need to fix my face.”
“Your face is perfect, Lauren,” June said. “But we’ll save you a spot at dinner.” She held my gaze with those hopeful blue eyes before she left the room.
I love you.
I forgive you.
You’re mine.
Love, unfathomable.
Forgiveness, unthinkable.
And He wanted me. Even in the middle of my mess, He still wanted me.
Carter needed all those things too. Being loved unconditionally in the face of his pain. Forgiveness for the frustrating times when he compared me to Megs too much, and protection. Maybe he just needed someone who understood that Megs would always be a part of his life, even in her death, someone who could defend his past with her, and make room for the connection he’d always have to his first wife.
What did Kellie say? That love grew? Maybe I was wrong from the beginning. Maybe Carter didn’t need to choose between me and Megan, at all.
He needed to see himself through God’s eyes, the same way I finally had. And maybe now, I could help.
My heart stopped halfway through dinner when Carter headed over to Tucker’s table. He stiffened when he walked by, but he didn’t look at me once.
It killed me.
June and Hailey totally babied me at dinner. They made me sit while they went to grab my plate. I told them the whole story about what happened with Carter over the weekend. Hailey switched me from mornings to afternoon shifts in the coffee shop for the rest of summer, so I could get more sleep, and June offered to let me use her car for appointments if I needed to.
I had no idea they’d be this sweet.
June squeezed my arm. “I’m so sorry.”
I lifted my eyes to Carter’s table again, caught him looking at me. He cut his gaze back to his plate and shoved his fork through his food. I remembered him telling me he was in this a hundred percent. I believed him then. I still believed he’d meant it.
“Guys, I think . . . there has to be a way to get him to see we can still make it, right?” It’s what I wanted. I mean, I was dying, sitting here with Hailey and June when he was less than twenty feet away. When we were so close two weeks ago. When all I wanted was to be in his arms again. To help him see.
He just needed to know I was still in it. That I wouldn’t give up. That I was as much of a soldier as he was, and I could be there for him the way he needed me to. That God had his back way better than anyone else ever could.
Hailey cleared her throat. “June, didn’t you say Lauren can sing?”
June grinned. “She can’t just sing, Hailey. The girl can sing.”
“And, your boyfriend’s leading worship at chapel tonight, right?”
I didn’t know where Hailey was going with this, but my palms were slicking at the way she was looking back and forth between June and me.
June nodded, eyes glowing.
“Think he can arrange for a last minute add-on?”
June bounced in her seat, turning to me. “Would you?”
“Wait. How is this winning Carter back?” I asked, running my fingers through the tips of my hair.
“Because you’re gorgeous, and you can sing, and you love Jesus, and he’ll see all of that if you help lead worship tonight.”
“Um. I literally just got right with God, you guys.
