I’ve said what I needed to say. I’ve told him how I feel. Now the rest is up to him.
Chapter 31
Sydney
“How are you holding up?”
Ally and I are walking around her neighborhood sipping wine from our tumblers. This has become the new normal is the past few weeks.
Yes, that’s right. It’s been almost two weeks of agonizing pain wondering when my phone will ring and I’ll hear Javi’s voice on the other end, or if the doorbell sounding off will be him on my doorstep realizing he’s a stubborn ass.
Sadly, neither has happened and the more time that passes, the more I’m beginning to lose hope. My sadness alternates with anger multiple times a day, convincing me to approach him at one moment, and then just accept the circumstances in the other.
“Well, I feel like I could cry at any moment. I miss him so damn much, but my pride is telling me to keep riding this out. And yet, deep down, I wonder if he’ll ever come around. Is this really the end?” My eyes fill with moisture as we continue to walk while Ally pushes Taryn and Tanner in the double stroller.
“I’m so sorry, Sydney. I wish there were something I could say to convince you that he’ll come to his senses, but I don’t him well enough to say that. What I do know is how that man looked at you, how his entire face softened when you were near. I know how you felt about him, but you are right to stand your ground. If he’s the man you say he is, he won’t let you slip through his fingers.”
I wipe an errant tear from my cheek and then take a sip of my wine. “Maybe it was all a lie. Maybe I was stupid to think that he would ever get past the fact that our lives are so different. It’s crazy that this man I never knew all those years ago is suddenly someone I can’t imagine ever not knowing again. He gave me everything, Ally,” I mumble as the tears come on stronger. “He gave me confidence through that self-defense class. He gave me the passion I was so desperately seeking in sex. He gave me the comfort that I didn’t know existed with a man. And he gave me hope that I had found the man I am meant to be with. And now …”
Suddenly the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel interrupts my wallowing, causing Taryn to scream and Tanner to kick his legs in his seat.
“Mommy! Mommy! Can we get ice cream, please!” Taryn’s delight brings a smile to my face as I try to get myself back together.
“Yes, we can. Auntie Sydney could probably use some right now anyway.”
“Ice cream will make you feel better, Auntie!” Taryn declares as we stroll over to where Jared’s van has been stopped. Like clockwork, a few of the other moms emerge from their houses with kids in tow, eager to catch a glance at the barely legal man driving the ice cream van.
“Hey, Ally. Hey, Taryn.” Jared greets them at the window as I stay back with Tanner in the stroller.
“Hey, Jared. This is your last week, huh?”
“Yup. Back to school I go.”
“Well, we’ll miss you around here,” Ally says and then turns around to bounce her eyebrows at all of the moms. Collective giggles and groans filter into the air.
“I’ll miss all of my favorite customers.” He smiles down at Taryn. “Are we having Tweety today, little Miss?”
Taryn nods and then adds, “And we need something for my auntie to make her feel better.” She points over at me as I casually wave in Jared’s direction.
“No problem. She does look like she needs cheering up. I hear chocolate does wonders with that.” He flashes me a wink and then hands out the ice cream to Taryn as Ally pays.
Once we all have our frozen treats back in hand, we start heading back toward Ally’s house.
“You know you always have me, right?” She declares in between bites of her Big Stick.
“I know. Thank you. I just want the ache in my chest to go away.”
“Well, I’m not sure how long that’s going to last, but I heard wine helps dull it a bit.”
I chuckle and then reach for my tumbler, dragging out a long sip on a smack of my lips. “How long before it starts to kick in?”
I spend the rest of the evening hanging out with Ally and her family, relishing in the laughs her children bring me and the tiny sliver of relief from stewing on this road block with Javi.
The next day at work, Tessa comes into my office when five o’clock hits.
“I’m on my way out. Do you need anything before I go?”
I cast a small smile up at her. “No, I think I’m good.”
“Staying late again?”
I’ve been working longer hours the past few weeks since being at home just makes me depressed and lonely. Tessa hasn’t failed to notice and I told her what happened when she asked why. As Javi and I got deeper into our relationship, I was running out of my office door at five o’clock when I could. Now, I actually crave the silence when everyone else leaves.
“Yeah. Thought I might try to actually get ahead on some contract negotiations.”
“Don’t overwork yourself, Sydney. And don’t give up hope. I’m sure he’ll come to his senses.”
I hate her optimism because mine is dwindling with each passing day. But I reply with a smile again as she turns around and leaves.
I work another two hours before I finally convince myself to go home. It’s after seven and the sun is beginning to set. Just a few more hours and I can go to sleep, where Javi visits me in
