“What cases are you working on right now?”
“You’re making sure to budget yourself each month, right? You don’t want to be one of those women who doesn’t know how to control your spending.”
Or my personal favorite, “Have you thought anymore about Andrew?”
But this week my father threw me for a loop when he brought up Elite Gym, even though I knew it was only a matter of time before he did.
“How’s that little excuse for a self-defense class going?” He mocked as he lifted his wine glass to his lips.
I directed my eyes over to him in an irritating glare, but then focused back on my plate. “Great, actually. I feel better already.”
“Ha! After four classes? You can’t be serious?”
My mother eyed me from across the table, keeping her lips sealed as I prepared to endure to my father’s belittling.
“I am. The instructors are very informative and encouraging, and I leave there feeling empowered. I also get a killer workout while I’m there.” It’s been two weeks now since I started the class, and after standing up to Javi at the end of my second class, he’s surprisingly cooled off. But the scowl he wears like a badge of honor has failed to disappear as well.
My thoughts travel back to images of Javi helping each woman practice getting into position last week. We practiced moves like heel-palm strikes and elbow strikes to use during a frontal attack. When it was my turn, my body hummed with nerves as I realized that he would have to touch me as well. The feel of his hands on my hips as he pivoted my legs and lifted my arms sent me into a tailspin. I can’t deny that there’s sexual tension crackling between us, at least on my end. And when I felt his fingers graze my skin, my body came alive like a livewire and left me feverish. The rush that barreled through me made me dizzy and I thought I might pass out. My breaths were short, his voice in my ear cast goosebumps all over my body, and by the time I left, I was so wound up I had to relieve the tension between my thighs myself that night.
I’ve never had that sort of physical reaction from a man’s touch before. Even though my list of lovers is miniscule, the way my body reacted to him was unchartered territory for me, and it’s making our interactions even more confusing. I can’t decide if Javi hates me just on principal, or if treating me with disdain is his way of keeping me at arm’s length.
Whatever it is, every interaction leaves me more curious about this man that apparently I grew up with but never noticed.
But I’m definitely noticing him now.
“I’m not happy with this decision of yours, Sydney,” my father grated against his teeth as he paused mid-air with his fork full of food.
“You don’t have to be happy about it, Dad. All I’m asking you to do is accept it.” I dropped my silverware and turned to face him head on. “Why can’t you be proud of me for taking the initiative to empower myself? I’m twenty-eight years old. I know you want to protect me, but I need to be able to live my life.”
“I will never stop trying to protect you, Sydney. But I would feel so much better if I knew you had a man that could offer you the same type of security that I can. I really wish you would consider going out with Andrew.” He lifted his food to his lips and continued to study me while chewing.
And here we go again. “I appreciate your concern, but I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. I don’t want to have to depend on a man for survival.” My eyes veered over to my mother and I could see that my words had hit her. She did depend on my father for our survival, but our circumstances were different.
While my mother barely graduated from high school, I went to college, worked diligently for a career that I felt was honoring a calling, and I don’t want to feel like they only way I can live is if I have a man beside me to keep the bad guys away. I want to be taken seriously, and I just don’t know how to make my father see that.
“Well, I hope we’ll see you at the country club Friday night for the Chamber of Commerce mixer. A lot of important people will be there and we need to keep up appearances.” His change of subject told me the conversation was over and I was being called upon to be the dutiful daughter once more. Although I’m sure this topic will be brought up again soon.
As I hover over the sink while brushing my teeth, reliving the conversation from the night before, I glance up in the mirror and see the anguish on my face. It’s like I told Ally—I’m afraid of waking up one day and realizing that I lived my life for someone else. Seems it took having a gun being held to my head for me to come to that realization, but maybe it’s been a long time coming.
No. Not maybe. It truly has been in the back of my mind for years, but I never felt the courage to take action. Now, with the amount of fire I feel running through my veins, I want nothing more than to keep this momentum going, even if that means ruffling a few feathers along the way.
With my mind still reeling, I make myself look somewhat presentable, throwing my hair back in a ponytail and dressing in my workout gear for my run.
Running has always helped me relieve stress and maintain my weight, but I haven’t had the time in the past few weeks between work and my new class in the evenings. However, this
