Even though my body is aching from my headache and cramps in my abdomen, I know working up a sweat will help me feel better. My legs are itching to hit the pavement, so I pop my earbuds in and leave my condo, locking the door behind me and placing my phone deep in my pocket as I exit the steel gates that provide security for my complex and take off on my normal trail.
Running through Newberry, Texas in the quiet of the morning always helps me put things back into perspective. As I contemplate how strained my relationship is becoming with my father and my desire to gain some independence from my family’s wishes, I realize that I need to focus back on all of the things I should to be grateful for.
I may not be married and have a family yet, which I thought would have happened by now, but I have my health, a job I genuinely love and gives me a purpose, and I feel like even though things aren’t the way I imagined, at least I haven’t settled in the areas of my life where it matters.
But if my father has his way, I’ll be betrothed to Andrew faster than I could run and hide. I’m not saying that my father is controlling and doesn’t want to see me happy, but he’s so adamant that he knows what will make me happy, that I feel like my voice doesn’t even matter.
Andrew is not the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how right for each other my family thinks we are. Being compatible isn’t measured by what two people have in common. It’s dictated by how two people can balance each other out, support one another through trying times, and love one another, even when you disagree. Ally and Collin’s marriage has taught me that and that is the type of love I want, even if it takes me longer to find it.
Andrew could never offer me that, and I know that for a fact. He’s been raised to think that women serve a purpose, which doesn’t entail speaking their mind. And as I learn to find my voice finally, I am positive that he would try to smother the fire in me that I’m trying to keep burning.
And as I recall the list of aspects in my life where I feel I’m falling short and battling for control, Javier’s face pops in, which both takes me by surprise and annoys me. Just a few weeks ago I was admitting to Ally about how the physical satisfaction I’ve experienced in my life has been less than mediocre. But after how my body responded to Javier, I’m wondering if he could deliver the release of control I so desperately yearn for.
Get a grip, Sydney. The guy barely tolerates you. You obviously shit on him in a way you can’t even remember in high school, or he really knows how to hold a grudge against you for spilling Coke on his pants.
About a mile into my run, I find my stride and decide to immerse myself in the music buzzing in my ears, fighting to block out my self-doubt and insecurities. My body is coming alive as I pump my arms and pound out my steps, so I decide to push myself and take a turn I wouldn’t normally to add another mile, heading for Main Street as I calculate that if I keep up this pace, I can still make it to work on time. I might just be throwing my hair up in a bun instead of curling it, but at this point, the stress relief feels too good to care.
As my feet hammer the pavement beneath me, a sudden sprinkle of rain dots my skin. I reach up to swipe the moisture from my face in confusion. Tilting my head up to the sky, I’m caught off guard by the storm that has quickly moved in over our town in a matter of minutes. That’s the thing about Texas thunderstorms though, they sneak up on you and turn dire in an instant. By the time another minute passes, I’m caught in a torrential downpour several streets away from Main Street where I could take refuge under the eaves of a shop.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I curse as I glance up and notice the dark clouds hovering above me while water continues to pelt my skin. I guess I was so consumed by my thoughts of my dad, Andrew, and Javi, that I was oblivious to the storm brewing in the sky. That and the sun was shining between the clouds when I left, so the possibility of rain never crossed my mind.
Water coats my skin as I try to pick up my speed, inching closer to the hub of town. But then the sound of a car rolling through a puddle to my left catches my attention, especially as it slows near me on the side of the road.
Like any smart woman and especially after my recent experience, I run with pepper spray tucked inside my leggings for instances like these. People are crazy, and you can never be too safe. You hear stories all the time of women vanishing, and I refuse for that to be me.
“Need a ride.” That voice. It pulls me to a complete stop as I catch my breath and close my eyes. Why, oh why does it have to be him?
I turn my head to the car, finding Javier’s smug grin through the passenger side window of his work truck as his hand rests on top of his steering wheel. God, he looks even better than I remember since it’s been a few days since the Thursday night class.
Water droplets cascade down my face, my hair sopping wet and plastered to my cheeks, my entire body still
