It takes me a few seconds to respond, because I have too many thoughts ping-ponging in my brain.
“Why me?”
He furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”
“Why do you want me?”
“Have you not heard what I’ve told you?” he asks, taking a step forward.
“You’ve said I’m everything to you. Yeah, I heard that.”
“But,” he offers, knowing I have more to say.
I drop my arms and grip the edge of the dresser. “But those are just words. We’ve said a lot to each other over the years. You’ve consistently told me one thing just to do something that completely contradicts it. Why should I believe you now? Or ever?”
“I’m trying to get you to realize I’m not like that anymore. If I say something, I want you to believe it. I’ve had years to dwell on my bullshit. I’ve had so many regrets, and honestly, if I was in your shoes, I don’t know if I’d forgive me. But you’re better than me, Ali. You always have been, and you make me want to be better. For you.”
My heart sings at his words, but I can’t allow myself to be naive. “Let’s pretend I tell you that I forgive you for everything and that you do have a chance. Then what? This is the problem we always had. I let you suck me back into a secret relationship because you weren’t out yet, and that’s still the case. I will not be a skeleton in your closet. I will not be forced to love you in secret.”
He takes the remaining steps to reach me, wrapping his hands around mine. “Tell me I have a chance, Ali. Tell me you’d give us one last shot and I’ll risk it all. I’ll risk everything for you. For us.”
My heart explodes in my chest, and tears burn the backs of my eyes. He’s serious. I can read the sincerity in his eyes and his tone. But one word sticks with me. Risk.
“Risk everything?” I question.
“My career. The careers of my bandmates. Everything.”
I shake my head. “You think. . .you think the label would drop you?”
“I don’t know. I’ve heard the way some of these guys talk. They make jokes and use slurs. They’re degrading. There’s still a lot of awful, close-minded people in charge of a lot of things. I don’t know how the fans would react, and I don’t know if it would affect our sales. I’d like to think it wouldn’t, but you never know.”
“I don’t want you to lose your career.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that. Tell me, Ali. Just tell me if we have a chance.”
I slip my hands from his and place them on either side of his face. “Merrick, if you come out, I want it to be because you’re ready, not because you want to be with me. Don’t do this for me. Do it for you.”
He drops his forehead onto mine. “I want to know you’ll be there if everything crumbles around me.”
“We’re friends, right?”
A humorless laugh escapes his throat. “Are we?”
“I think you still have a lot of thinking to do, and you should probably start talking to your family about this. Then you can make the decision that’s best for you.”
“I get what you’re saying.”
I pull back and drop my hands to his shoulders. “But?”
He smirks. “But I still really want to kiss you.” I’m about to give in, because I want his lips on mine, too, but he stops me by bringing his hand to my face and cupping my cheek. “But I’m afraid if I kiss you once, I’ll want another.” His thumb brushes over my lips softly. “And then that won’t be enough and I’ll want to be inside you.” My tongue darts out to wet my lips, touching the tip of his thumb in the process. His hand slowly drops down until he has a soft grip on my throat. “And once I’m inside you again, I’ll never want to be anywhere else, and then we’ll be back to where we always were—in a secret relationship.”
“Oh,” I breathe.
“Yeah. And you don’t want that again.”
“I don’t?” I ask stupidly, staring at his perfect pink lips.
He chuckles. “So, we’re friends.”
I barely manage a nod. “Yeah. Friends.”
Merrick releases me and steps back. “Okay.”
22
Merrick
Present Day
After leaving Ali earlier today, I went back to my hotel just to shower and change, then slipped back into my car to head to Elijah’s house.
Paparazzi are in town, but not many. I only noticed a few hanging outside my hotel. They took their pictures, and now they’re following me to my brother’s place. Great.
I park on the street and get out, finding two photographers standing near their cars snapping photos and throwing out questions.
“Merrick, you gonna be in town long?”
“How’s vacation going? You ready to be back on the road?”
“Are you visiting any ex-girlfriends?”
“Have you seen what Sky’s been up to? Do you wish you were with him instead of here?”
I stand at the front of my car before heading inside. “Hey, guys. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I’m just enjoying time with my family right now. You can take pictures of me, but give my family a break, okay? Don’t snap any pictures of the house or anything.”
I find being nice to them and allowing them to get some shots is usually better in the long run. Sometimes they’ll respect your wishes, but sometimes they’re just assholes who do whatever they want.
“Okay, but have you talked to the guys? Sky’s been photographed skinny dipping in the Caribbean. Looks like it’s quite the party over there.”
I chuckle. “I haven’t seen the photographs, but I’m not surprised. I can guarantee you’ll get better shots out there than here with me. I’m just trying to keep a low profile and enjoy some downtime. Have a good day, guys.”
Their cameras go off as I walk away, but when I get inside Elijah’s house, I peek through the window and
