“I’d say you’re crazy,” I reply quickly, hoping it’s believable. “We were best friends for years, of course there will be some sort of connection. Anything sexual is just your sex-driven brain coming up with things. There isn’t any sort of attraction or special smiles.” I laugh. “You’re insane.”
His lips curl up on one end as his eyes twinkle with amusement. “That may have been believable if you would have just said you were attracted to him. I know you’re gay, and it wouldn’t be weird for you to think he’s hot, friend or not, and whether he’s straight or not. But you want to pretend there is zero attraction? Not even one-sided? You want me to believe you weren’t checking him out last night? You think I don’t know what eye-fucking is? Or maybe it’s because I forgot to tell you that I saw you reach over and touch his thigh?” He smiles, pleased with himself. “And that’s what leads me to believe you’re full of shit.”
I attempt to keep my face in check. This is all pretty damning evidence, but I can still say that yes, it is just one-sided but he isn’t gay.
“Okay, fine. I’ve always found him attractive. You happy now? And maybe when I drink I become a little flirtatious and touchy. He deals with it because he’s my friend, not because he’s interested.”
Jordy laughs. “Do you not know who I am? I’m your best friend. I’ve seen you drunk around a lot of different people, and not once have you ever been touchy feely or flirtatious with straight guys. That’s my thing.”
We enter a silent staring contest, because I no longer know what to say, but admitting the truth seems like a bad idea. I have to talk to Merrick about this first, but Jordy is an annoying and unstoppable force.
“Okay, let’s do this,” he says, standing up and walking toward me, snatching my phone off the counter. “I’ll text him from your phone, and we’ll see how he responds.”
“No.”
Jordy smirks, holding my phone in his hand. “You can’t just leave this thing around for anybody to take.”
“Jordy, don’t.”
“Why? I’ll just send a quick text, and his response will tell us what we need to know.”
I put my coffee mug down. “No, because you’re probably gonna send some hyper-sexual ridiculous message and make me look like a fool.”
He scoffs. “I wouldn’t.”
As he clicks on my text app, I reach over and try to steal the phone, but he spins around.
“Jordy! Cut it out.”
“What are you worried about?”
“Nothing, but you’re being childish, and it’s really fucking annoying.”
With a grin, he turns back around and hands me my phone. “And by your response, I know all I need to know.”
I take the phone and look at the screen to see if he sent anything. He didn’t.
I watch as he grabs his glasses and coffee cup and saunters toward the front door. Confused, I follow him, wondering if he’s going to pull anything else.
When he opens the door and steps on the porch, he spins around and looks me in my eyes. “I know I can be hard to handle at times, and I’m known for my big mouth and constant jokes, but when it comes to a closeted person, a celebrity at that, I’d hope you’d know me well enough to know I’d never say anything to anyone. You’re my friend, and I want you to be happy, but I’m serious when I say that being around you two makes it clear there’s something there. He needs to be careful if he wants to keep this secret.” He slips his sunglasses on and turns on his heel to walk down the steps. “I’m off. Call me when you need me.”
24
Merrick
Present Day
Cillian and Royce’s shocked faces stare back at me while Elijah simply pulls his lips into a small smile. I always figured he knew.
My heart slams against my chest repeatedly as I wait for someone to say something. Should I explain? Is there even more to say?
“You’re gay?” Royce asks.
I nod. “Yeah.”
Cillian lets out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, do the chicks you’ve been photographed with know? I’m confused.”
Royce rolls his eyes at Cillian before looking at Elijah. “Why don’t you look surprised? Did you know?”
I shake my head. “I never told Elijah, but there was a situation when I was sixteen—”
“Sixteen?” Cillian says. “For all these years, Merrick?”
I furrow my brow slightly. “Yeah, I’ve been gay all these years.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. I mean you’ve been hiding it for all these years. You knew back when you were sixteen, and now you’re twenty-seven.”
“How did you keep such a big part of yourself a secret? Why?” Royce asks, his mouth pulling into a frown and his eyes turning sad.
I shrug. “I was scared. I was even ashamed at first. I didn’t know how to talk about it. I worried Mom and Dad wouldn’t approve. I wondered if I’d be a disappointment, and even thought maybe it was better they never got the chance to know.”
“Merrick, no,” Elijah says, shaking his head. “Mom and Dad would love you just the same. They would never see you as a disappointment. I know you were young when they died, but you should know Mom and Dad were the most loving and supportive people. They weren’t homophobic in any way.”
“And neither are we,” Royce adds. “I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes, but I wish you would’ve felt comfortable talking to us about this. We love you.”
“Being gay doesn’t change who you are. You’re our little brother, always,” Cill says.
“I’m so sorry you’ve been keeping this to yourself all this time,” Elijah says. “I can’t imagine the frustration and pain, but
