Suddenly, I remembered that his ex was texting him yesterday. I willed myself not to feel anger and jealousy swirl in my gut, thinking about how Luke had just been left in that basement by himself for days. How afraid he must have been.
And how much of a sick, twisted person it would take to do that to someone else, especially someone as angelic as Luke.
I was just about to ask Luke what he planned on doing about his ex if he planned to see him or avoid him on Wednesday when I was distracted by movement outside.
Looking up from the sink, I peered through the window and saw Sarah DuPont locked in an embrace with Jake, making out passionately against the side of the barn. They were partially obscured behind the barn so that the other guests couldn’t see them, but I could from where I was standing at the window.
“Luke!” I whispered.
He looked up from his phone with his eyebrows raised, already primed from the tone of my voice that there was drama happening.
I motioned for him to come closer, ducking down.
With a clatter, he set his phone down on the table and came over to me.
I pointed out the window to the two figures entangled with each other behind the barn.
As soon as he locked onto them, his eyes went wide with disbelief.
“Wh-what?!” he whispered.
I could see a cocktail of emotions cross his face: Excitement, disapproval, fear, worry, happiness, relief.
“I— I can’t believe it!” he whispered back.
“Why are we whispering?!” I whispered.
“I don’t know, but it feels right!” Luke continued to whisper, chuckling.
“What do you think of it?” I pointed again.
“I… I dunno, I guess I’m conflicted.”
“Conflicted is right,” I said looking over at my brother. It was weird enough watching my brother do something like this; I couldn’t imagine how weird it would be for Luke to watch his mother do that.
“…she looks happy.” He said softly with a shrug. “And… that’s really all I care about.”
“He’ll keep her company when you’re gone, give her something to do.” I reasoned.
Luke looked at me, hurt swelling in his eyes.
Then I realized just how bone-headed I sounded. “Oh shit! I didn’t mean it like that...” I said, trying to undo the hurt that I’d just caused.
He sighed. “It’s fine. I know I’m not going to be able to be here in this town as much as I’d like for the people that need me…” he said sadly, looking down.
I grabbed him by the shoulders. “Luke, is that what all this is about? This distance between us?” I asked, my eyes searching his for answers.
He shrugged, then said, “I wish I could just be in two places at once.”
I pulled him into an embrace, feeling the warmth of his body comfort mine. “We’ll make it work,” I said. “I promise.”
He looked up at me and I kissed him. When I pulled away, there was uncertainty in his eyes. It was only there for an instant, and then it was gone.
* * *
On Tuesday evening after everyone had left and we’d cleaned the farmhouse and barn from the party, we drove back to my lake house so Luke could get his suitcase.
There was this cold distance between us, even though conversation carried on jovially like normal. We were laughing and joking just like always, but there was something in the corner of his smile that was impossible for me to miss.
He must have just been uncertain about the future; that was enough to sow seeds of doubt in anyone.
Privately, I made a pact with myself that I would show Luke how dedicated I was. I would stomp out all of his fears by being there for him in every way he needed me.
Luke didn’t know it yet, but he had become my number-one priority in my life. I could tell him that, sure, but it would mean more if I showed him.
And showing him meant keeping him safe. Like a bloodhound with a scent in my nose, I couldn’t stop thinking about his ex and how I’d protect Luke from him.
Every time I tried to get more information about him from Luke, he told me to drop it; that he didn’t want to think about that part of his life anymore.
“But you’re going back to the same place he’s going to be,” I reasoned, trying to tease out more information.
“Stop it, Adam,” he warned. “I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”
We were cuddling on the couch in front of the T.V., his suitcase and messenger bag sitting by the door. There were only a few hours we could spend together before I had to take him to his dorm room. He had an early class tomorrow.
“I just want to make sure you’re safe,” I reasoned.
He sighed and said, “Let’s not let him taint the last hour we have together, okay? I just want to be close to you.”
Those words of his echoed in my head with sharp edges, cutting me as they repeated over and over in my memory.
The last hour we have together.
Was he planning on pulling away from me once I dropped him off? Did he… did he want to get rid of me?
I knew that some people that were abused by their partners went back to their abuser. I saw domestic abuse situations all the time. Hell, that guy I’d arrested last week had that woman visiting him in jail every day. She brought him cinnamon rolls and flowers as if she was trying to make up for something she did wrong.
Was Luke like that? Had his mind been poisoned by his abuser?
It was impossible to know what he was thinking as he cuddled into me. There was no noise in the room except the cruel ticking of the clock, bring us closer and closer to the time when we’d have to part. As I grappled with thoughts of him going
