“Occasionally,” Larry said.
Marco tried to punch him, but his fist whiffed right through him. So instead he punched Odom’s arm. Which rang like a bell. Marco grunted with pain and held his fist to his chest.
In a strained voice he said: “Watch it, that’s my sister you’re talking about.”
Hilario closed his eyes. Maybe driving the van into the flaming Phlegethon wasn’t such a crazy notion.
“Okay, Odom,” he said in his most patient voice. The one he used with particularly young children at birthday parties. “Did Lady Alexandrite tell you the lords of the dark places are about to break through into the normal world?”
“That is not possible,” Odom said, “My brothers and I–”
“Idiot!” the Sapphire Witch said, “What do you think my sisters and I have been doing for the last four cycles? Do you think I like staying in that place?”
Odom raised his silver eyebrows. “I thought you were merely wishing for some time apart,” he said.
“That’s the only thing you have right,” she said.
Hilario took his foam rubber mallet and bopped them both again. Squeak. Squeak.
“Stop it,” he said, “Have a lover’s spat on your own time. I have a city to save. What can either of you do to help?”
Odom arched one of his beautifully expressive brows.
“What do you wish us to do, jester?” he said.
“Clown,” the Sapphire Witch said.
Hilario bopped her again with the gag mallet. Squeak. Then bopped Odom again just for good measure. Squeak.
“I’m a clown,” he said, “And yes there is a difference. But that’s not important right now.” He gave the Sapphire Witch a stern look. “What I need is…”
What did he need? Besides a way to rewind this entire night back to the beginning.
“…I need to find Rachel. She’s key to this. I think,” he said, “Then I need to…get back to the city. I guess. I don’t know. I don’t really have a plan.”
Odom nodded. “That is good enough for me…clown,” he said, “I shall endeavor to assist you in this quest to save your city from the ravages of the lords of the dark places. Where shall we begin by looking for this Rachel, sister to the rude and unattractive human with us.”
Marco straightened his blocky body up. “Unattractive? Fuck you, tin man.”
Odom looked Marco up and down. “No thank you,” he said.
Hilario bopped both of them with the gag mallet. Squeak. Squeak.
“Stay focused,” he said, “And be nice.”
He turned to the Sapphire Witch. “Okay. You know where Rachel is, don’t you?”
The Sapphire Witch turned her head away. Crossed her arms over his chest.
“I do not,” she said.
Hilario bopped her with the gag mallet. Squeak.
“It was your gateway she ran into,” he said, “Surely you have some way of tracking her.”
“The eye of Malachi is sometimes unpredictable,” she said.
Another bop with the gag mallet. Squeak.
“Where is she?” he said, “If you grabbed us out of there, you know where she went.”
The Sapphire Witch made a show of looking him up and down.
“You were a much larger target,” she said.
Bop. Squeak.
This was actually kind of fun. He’d pay for it somewhere down the road, of course. Probably staked naked in the Desert of the Damned, getting licked to death by Rasp Tongued Miniature Demon Puppies.
He’d seen it happen. It was a lot less cute than it sounded.
“Time is not on our side, Lady Sapphire,” he said, “Or is failure acceptable to you?”
Her face twisted in savage rage.
Oops. Perhaps a little too far.
Her hands flung up. Lightning crackled around them.
But before the bolts flew from her fingers and fried him crisper than the Stung Sparrow’s calamari rings, Odom released Marco. The metal giant enclosed her small hands in his massive fists.
Bolts flew from between his fingers. Danced over the inside of the van with ghostly fire.
“Let go of me!” she shouted.
Odom instead gathered her to his brawny and bare chest in an awkward embrace. Blue sparks crackled around his body. She pounded against his chest and used a wide range of creative words to describe his ancestry and his genitalia. Which, according to her, were not in proportion to the rest of him.
He continued to hold her until she seemed to be spent. Then, gently, he released her. She slumped back to the seat, her head bowed, her breath coming in heaving gasps.
Perhaps that was why Odom was there. To keep her from randomly killing Hilario and anyone else who might tick her off.
And to provide some muscle for whatever lay ahead.
“I hate you,” she said.
“I love you, too,” Odom replied.
“That’s not what I said.”
“I know what you said.”
The Sapphire Witch sighed and leaned her head back against the seat. She raised her hands. Hilario flinched. But no lightning seemed to be coming forth.
She grasped her brass rimmed googles and started to lift them. Hilario snapped his head aside. Squeezed his eyes shut.
Hoped Marco would have the sense to do the same.
“Here you go, lady,” Marco said.
Something passed by Hilario. He heard the distinctive sound of tissues being pulled from a cardboard box. Marco must have taken it from the makeup cabinet.
The sound of someone blowing their nose startled him.
Was the Sapphire Witch crying? Surely that couldn’t happen. Gem witches didn’t cry. Did they?
“I sent her to the Ice Realm,” the Sapphire Witch said.
The Ice Realm? It jolted him. A cold hand closed around his heart. Not even the heat of the fiery river below them could warm him now.
All hope was lost.
Rachel was surely dead.
37
Hilario sat in sullen silence behind the wheel of his van. It rocked with a gentle motion as the fiery river Phlegethon carried them along. He ignored the lacy beauty of the silver
