“Yes,” I say once I can breathe again. “Went down the wrong pipe.” I don’t dare look at Kade, instinctively knowing if I do I’ll lose it.
“What’s going on here?” Wayne asks us, suddenly suspicious.
“Uhm…” I have no idea what to say. What do you tell your father the day after you’ve had the most amazing sex with his wife’s nephew you previously hated and were continuously tempted to murder?
“Oh, Wayne,” Lizzie’s voice is vibrating with suppressed laughter. “Can’t you see? These two finally pulled their heads out of their behinds and got together. Lauren and I kept telling you it would happen. No one fights like that for no reason.”
My eyes grow wide and my mouth drops open at her words. I look at Kade to find his expression mirrors mine.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see my father move to the side and look between us, his head swiveling back and forth. When I look at him I can see he’s confused, like he can’t quite believe what Lizzie is telling him. But I’m happy to see no anger in his blue eyes. I don’t think I could have handled if he was angry, or disappointed in me, over something like this. As silly as that might sound.
“Wayne—” Kade starts but is interrupted by the whatever look my father is giving him.
“You and I, we’ll be having a discussion later.” Wayne’s voice holds an edge to it, and I’m confused by it. I mean, why would he be angry at Kade for sleeping with me?
And that’s when they hit me. Those negative thoughts never far from my consciousness.
What if he is going to tell him he’s being an idiot to get involved with someone like me? Maybe he’s mad his wife’s nephew is getting involved with someone whose own mother doesn’t love her and uses her as a pawn. Or who’s so desperate for her father’s attention she thinks winning the Olympics is the only way he’ll ever love her.
Can they tell just how screwed up my head really is?
I know Kade deserves someone less… broken.
I don’t know how long these dark thoughts assault my mind before I hear a chair scrape along the wooden floor and gentle hands cup my face, fingers slowly stroking my skin.
“Princess, look at me,” a soft voice commands from next to me. My eyes automatically lift to gray ones filled with worry. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“What?” I’m caught off guard by the question, terrified all the bullshit in my head is visible on my face. A knot is slowly forming in my throat at that thought.
Kade doesn’t say anything, just tilts his head to the side while he studies me, his eyes never leaving mine. I pray to whoever is listening that my demons aren’t dancing behind my eyes but are safely locked away where they belong and no one can ever find.
“Kade…” Wayne’s voice sounds far away, like he’s in a tunnel.
Or maybe I am.
“Princess, whatever is going on in that head of yours, you can tell me.” Kade’s voice is still quiet. Soft. Like he’s talking to a skittish foal about to turn tail and run.
All I can manage is a shake of my head, the knot in my throat too big to be able to push words past it. My eyes quickly dart to where Wayne and Lizzie are standing, my fear of what they might think of me after this growing, before they find Kade’s again.
Something seems to dawn for Kade after that. He leans closer before he whispers so only I can hear him, “He isn’t mad at you or me. Not really. He just wants to make sure I don’t hurt you. Whatever your mind is telling you, it’s not the truth. That man loves you.”
His words hit me to the core and tears fill my eyes. I want to believe him so badly I can taste it on my tongue.
But how can I?
For fourteen years, Wayne has ignored my presence. While my mother preached at me every chance she got how my father doesn’t love me. That he replaced me with someone better. Someone prettier, more talented, smarter.
“Kade, for fuck’s sake, what are you doing to my daughter?” my father’s voice booms through the restaurant, capturing everyone’s attention. And causing me to jerk out of my stupor.
The onslaught of emotions hits me at once, assaulting what feels like every fiber of my being. Kade being tender, my father yelling at Kade asking what he did to make me cry, while Lizzie is trying to calm everyone down. All the while, every bad thought my mother drilled into me over the years is bouncing around in my head.
He doesn’t love you… You’ll never be good enough… He replaced you… You’re too broken for anyone to love… You’re nothing but a burden… You’re a mistake…
“Be quiet,” I cry in a voice I don’t recognize. It’s filled with pain, so much so it hurts my own ears. I’m not even sure who I’m telling to be quiet. Kade and my father or my mother’s voice in my head.
Before I can figure out what I’m doing, I’m on the move, my flight response taking over. I shoot out of the chair, nearly causing Kade to fall on to his back. I dash away the hands trying to reach to grab a hold of me, my mind and body for once in agreement and focused on escape.
I can’t deal with any of this.
Too much has happened in the past twenty-four hours.
I run out of the café without my jacket or any idea where to go.
All I can think of is to leave. Get away from all the pain.
Leave the voices behind.
Escape.
Chapter Eighteen
I run
