“I care about you and I couldn’t lie to you anymore.”
“Fine, Jason, Jagger, what do you want from me?”
“I just want you to give me another chance.”
“I don’t know if I can do that. You’re on drugs and in rehab.”
“No, I’m not currently doing drugs.”
“This is too much. I don’t think I want that around me. You lied. I don’t like liars. I don’t want you around me.”
“Kat, please don’t terminate my employment. I like working here. I like working for you.” I liked being with her. I didn’t want to say that. She didn’t feel for me like I felt for her.
“Jason, fuck! Jagger, I can’t trust you.”
“You can. That’s why I’ve come clean. This wasn’t a slight against you. I had to go under an alias. I had to blend in.”
“I think you should go home or wherever. You need to leave.”
“Back to David’s.”
“Yes.”
“But I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“Like what? You’re not the first man that’s ever lied to me. You’re probably just the youngest.” She huffed. “Wait? Are you even over eighteen?”
“Kat, I’m really twenty. That part wasn’t a lie.”
“Well your I.D. is fake so there’s that.”
“The name and address are bullocks but the age is real. The date of actual birth is off but its’ the same birth year. I’m legal. I’m twenty years old.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better even if it’s true.”
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
“Leave. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
“What?”
“We slept together a few times. It’s over now. Go get better or whatever.”
“You said you don’t want to see me again.”
“I don’t. I know you’re famous Jagger or whatever but I’m too old for this bullshit.”
“When did you become too old?”
“Today, right now. I’m done. I don’t care about this drama. I don’t care about you.”
She walked a few steps and lifted my backpack off the floor. She walked around the counter to me and shoved the pack right into my chest. I had to take it in my hands because she released it.
“Seriously?” My fucking heart fell to my feet. Her words were like a knife in my chest.
“Don’t make this more than what it is.”
“What is this?”
“It was a mistake.”
“A mistake?”
“Yes! Get on your fucking bike and get the fuck out of here!”
Panic or something was happening to me. I wanted to lash out. I needed a drink. I needed a line. I wanted to do something really bad. My emotions were in a tug of war with my brain.
“You can’t mean this.” I pleaded.
“I mean it. Get the fuck out!”
The bricks on my chest wouldn’t seem to fall off. She took a step to her left to clear a path for me to go toward the back door. My bike was parked in the yard. The anger in her face hurt me. I didn’t know what I expected to happen but this wasn’t it. I thought she would be upset but this felt final. This seemed like abandonment and I literally had felt that feeling so many times in my short years on earth. Fear, loneliness, and grief were the coconspirators in my addiction. I was so happy here. I’d forgotten all about them. I thought they died but they were back again calling out to me.
I took a step in her direction and she flinched. What did she think I was going to do? She was afraid of me when I had only shown her kindness. One lie and she didn’t want anything to do with me.
“Katrina.” I was insulted. I was Jagger Adkins of Toxic Shock. I had never been treated like this.
My brain said walk out with your dignity bloke. My body had other inclinations. I balled my fist, raised it out above the glass counter and— SMASH! I punched down into the glass. The shattering, crashing noise was vulgar and final. It was my only recourse. It was rash and idiotic but I’d done it.
Katrina stepped back until she was pressed into the wall. I stalked past her and dashed out the back door.
I didn’t even remember the hall, the kitchen or even opening the back door. I didn’t recall getting on my bike, leaving her backyard or even peddling away. Halfway to David’s I looked down and my hand was gushing blood. I left the road. I parked my bike under a tree so I could go into my back park and wrap my hand in the spare t-shirt I kept inside. It was a Kurt Cobain t-shirt. He was dead. I felt dead inside and wrapping my literal bloody wound in his memory just seem to fit the occasion perfectly.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Chapter 16
KATRINA
My head was spinning I was cursing under my breath as I carefully cleaned up the small pieces of glass that were everywhere. I didn’t cut myself on the jagged shards so that was a plus. I’d never seen his temper. Now that I had, it showed me how ridiculous and immature he was. I was in a daze for the rest of the time the store was open to the public.
A few teens from Jason’s fan club stopped in and were disappointed when he wasn’t around. Jason, huh, his name was fucking Jagger. I was mad at him, crying mad. There was this rage I couldn’t seem to control. He was a piece of shit and the list of reasons to be furious with him was piling up.
After too many internet searches and clicking everything I could find, I consumed all that was Jagger Bowie Adkins. After I searched him I naturally searched for all the Toxic Shock information I could. There were pages upon pages and a plethora of photos. Everything I saw just endorsed that I didn’t know this man at all. I was tired and
