I surmised that Toxic Shock was a group of four guys from London. They were all over eighteen. Jagger was twenty years old and his birthday was coming up in November. Jagger was his birth name, not a stage name. He was a child star that had been the lead of a London based children’s television show called Kiddie Kingdom. He started on that popular show when he was just five. That’s if Wikipedia was correct.
I should’ve never had sex with this stranger. I felt duped. I’d only known him for a little over three weeks. What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking. My hormones got the better of me. I hadn’t had sex in a year and three months. I slipped up once after the divorce and had sex with Erik after he pressured me. That was a colossal mistake too. Being single was just too hard. I had two mistakes under my belt and I was determined never to have another.
I felt like a fool, an old fool. Why would this young man even want to have sex with me? Was this just some stupid joke to him? I had kids, my own family and he had an entire career in music. We didn’t match. I guess he could check bedding a cougar off his bucket list. He probably was thinking you only live once while he was inside me. Or worse he had sex with me so he could run back and tell all his little boy band buddies how old I was.
If Google was right he was worth seventy-two million dollars. That was surreal. Why the hell was he working in my candy store for minimum wage? None of it made an ounce of sense. There was no mention of a drug problem online. There were a few stories about him being drunk in public. Nothing that would indicate there was a problem. These stories didn’t make much sense because he was under the legal drinking age. With another quick internet search, I read it was legal to drink and purchase alcohol in London England at the age of eighteen.
I was tired of pretending when customers were in the store. I couldn’t wait for this day to be over. My eyes hurt from reading all the Toxic Shock stories. I wanted to close Sweet Treats early but that wouldn’t solve anything. It would make me feel weak and even more stupid. I just couldn’t let a fucking twenty-year-old get into my head like this.
I knew it shouldn’t have bothered me. But all his rumored hookups, the dating stories, and all the models, actresses and singers he was linked to made me feel even worse. What was he doing? I didn’t think these women were better than me, or prettier than me. They had stylists, personal trainers, and lots of money. All the things that gave them access to plastic surgeons and whoever else could make them look airbrushed and picture-perfect. I wasn’t aging backward but I knew I looked good for my age. Still, I felt something. I wouldn’t call it jealousy but something.
Jagger pursued me. Why? Was he just that bored here in Galena? My brain hurt trying to figure out his motives. He was what the young kids called a fuckboy. It didn’t matter. I would never get an honest explanation. He was dead to me. I would never see him again. I told him to disappear and I meant it.
I was so gullible. His little guitar serenades, his dead mother tattoo, all an act. Damn! He’s a professional actor. He literally played American characters in movies. Next to all the bullshit, Erik pulled in our marriage it didn’t compare to this mess. This time, I really got played. I should’ve been more cautious. These men are out here being deceptive in ways I never dreamed existed.
I closed the store and my brain hurt thinking about the lies. I was going to have to get the locks changed. I also had to reset the code to the alarm system. I needed the manual for that. I also needed to get the glass display fixed. I would be able to handle all of that tomorrow. It was late and I was over this day.
Once I closed the store I went upstairs and took a hot bath. Reading was a pleasure for me and I couldn’t even do that. The warm water of the bath was supposed to soothe me. It didn’t. I started sweating and then I started crying. I didn’t bawl my eyes out but I felt betrayed. I would never admit it to anyone but I felt a genuine loss.
I couldn’t believe I let him get into my head like that. I trusted him with my store, my body, and my personal safety. I had unprotected sex with this guy who probably had sex with half the women in Hollywood.
I was overwhelmed with emotion. I could only do so much at once. Tomorrow after the repairs I was going to have to buy one of those STD tests from the drug store. I didn’t have a doctor in this town.
I got out of the tub and went straight for the wine. I could feel whatever I was feeling today and let all that go tomorrow. There were only two months left in this place. I could just run the store alone. I didn’t want to deal with anyone else. I wanted to go back to the comfort of my house in Naperville.
I didn’t know if I was going to tell anyone this absurd story. Rolanda was going to ask for an update on my little sexcapades. She wasn’t the type to judge but I didn’t want her to know what a dumb ass I had been. Plus the story was too stupid and too unbelievably to share.
I put on my nightgown and crawled under the blanket. I had my bottle of wine and my cell
