But how could I face them all, knowing the truth? How could I look Mrs. Frost in the eye, knowing how badly I'd hurt her son? She loved me very much. She'd told me many times growing up. The entire family had treated me as if I was one of their own ever since I was just a little girl. But she also loved her son. She would side with him over me, no matter how close the two of us were. Blood was the stronger bond, right?
"You okay, Aunt Gabbie?" Holly asked, jarring me out of my thoughts. She was looking up at me, concern etched onto her young face.
I forced out a smile and nodded. "I'm good. Just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."
"Me either!" Holly giggled, her eyes darting over to Emma, then she lowered her voice. "It was after three when I went to bed!"
My eyes went wide in false shock as I brought my hand to my heart. I grinned at her and winked. "Aren't you just the little rebel? I bet your Daddy wouldn't be happy to hear that!"
"You won't tell him, will you?" Holly asked, her eyes widening to match mine.
I laughed and pulled Holly into a half hug, squeezing her tight. Helping take care of Emma when she was a little girl, then being an aunt to Holly, had helped quell the desires to have kids of my own, and I was glad I'd had both girls in my life. I wasn't sure what I'd have done without either of them. "I wouldn't dream of it! In fact, if you're good today, maybe I'll tell you some stories about your dad when he was your age."
"Really?" Holly grinned and bounced in her seat. She brought her hands together and stuck out her bottom lip, giving me the best pouty face I'd seen in a long time. "Oh, please, please, please!" she begged.
I laughed and hugged her again, then went into the story of all four of the brothers, and me, sneaking out one night and stealing the horses to go for a late-night stroll together. It was one of my fondest memories of the guys, one of the times that I felt like I was their little sister, not just some tagalong they tolerated.
"Wasn't it cold?" Holly asked when I got to the part about the five of us finding a stream in the woods and going for a late-night swim. I left out the part about all of us skinny dipping. They'd all just considered me their little sister and hadn't thought anything of swimming in the nude, not realizing how much of a crush I'd had on all four of them.
"Freezing!" I confirmed with a grin. "But it was so worth it. There's something special about being out there swimming with just the moon and the stars to illuminate the area."
Just thinking about that night made me smile. I wished I could go back to that time, when things were so much simpler. Back then, everything had been so easy.
Did Nick still remember that night? Or had he forgotten it? It had been quite a while since then, and I wouldn't have been surprised if none of the brothers remembered it like I did. They frequently snuck out together, getting into all sorts of mischief. But that was one of the few times they'd brought me along with them. They'd all always been so protective of me, never wanting me to get hurt or get in trouble. I couldn't count the number of times they'd broken bones growing up or gotten themselves into hot water, but they'd always done their best to keep me away from it as possible.
Sometimes, it was hard to believe those little hellions had grown into the men they were today. They'd all left their rebellious youth in the past and had turned into fine, upstanding me.
If only I'd been able to leave that part of me in the past too. Then, maybe I'd have been content with just being Nick's wife on paper instead of constantly wanting to push him into a real relationship, one he didn't want.
I didn't have much time to wallow though before Holly was dragging me right back into the conversation. Her and Emma did a good job of keeping me distracted, not letting me get lost in my thoughts for more than a few moments at a time. I was a lucky woman, to have them in my life. I still hadn't processed everything, but I was glad for that. Until I was in a better frame of mind, it was best if I put off thinking about things for a while. Otherwise I was liable to spiral into a depression I couldn't get out of.
"We should go riding," Holly announced after breakfast, sliding off her stool and stretching. Despite her limited hours of sleep, she was wide awake and filled with energy. I envied her, wishing I could go back to those days when I only needed a couple hours of sleep to function. These days, it seemed like even a full night's sleep wasn't enough to keep me going during the day.
Emma looked over and me, and I shrugged. It'd been a while since I'd been out riding, but I was confident I could still do it without breaking my neck. "Sure, why not," Emma said with a grin. "I think that would be fun!"
Holly's eyes lit up, and she started bouncing again. I was wondering if giving her chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top might have been too much sugar. The poor girl looked like she was about to vibrate right through the floor. "Can you show
