"It's nothing," Emma said immediately. She smiled at Holly, but Holly wasn't having any of it.
She was a kid but she wasn't stupid. Hands on hips, she fixed Emma and I wish her gaze, looking much older than she actually was. She rolled her eyes for a moment, then raised an eyebrow. "It's obviously not nothing. I'm not stupid. Aunt Gabbie's been crying!"
I tried to wipe away the evidence of tears. It was futile though, since I knew my eyes would be puffy for a while. Still, I hated looking like a mess in front of Holly. I was supposed to be the adult, the rock. She shouldn't have to see me turning into a complete wreck.
Emma let out a sigh, then looked over at me. We both exchanged a glance, saying the same thing. Holly wasn't going to give up until we filled her in on what was going on. "Aunt Gabbie kissed Uncle Nick, and he didn't like it." That was probably the best explanation we could give the kid. She may not have been a "little" kid, but she wasn't old enough for the full story.
Her brow scrunched up as she processed Emma's story. "But you're married!" Holly insisted. When we didn't contradict the story though, she threw up her hands in defeat. "Boys are stupid!" she shouted as she turned and left the room.
"Well, she's not wrong," I muttered under my breath, causing Emma to burst out laughing. The laughter was infectious, and I laughed too, which just made Emma laugh even harder. The two of us laid on the bed laughing, tears streaming down our eyes.
By the time we got ourselves under control again, I felt much better. It was like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still had no idea what to do about the situation with Nick, but at least I wasn't lying there crying my eyes out any more. It wasn't a cure-all, but when Emma suggested we go downstairs and get some food, I at least had the strength to do just that.
First, I stopped by the bathroom to wash my face though, hoping to erase the evidence of my meltdown. With Holly around, I needed to put on a brave face. Nick was her uncle, and I didn't want her to have to worry about the drama between the two of us. She had enough on her plate as it was, being ten. I would not add any more to it.
By the time I made it downstairs, Emma had bacon frying and was making a big batch of pancakes. Holly sat on one of the high stools at the breakfast bar, her cellphone in hand as she did God only knew what. She grinned at me as she showed me the batter. "I hope you don't mind chocolate chips in your pancakes! This one insists on it on Saturdays."
I raised an eyebrow, then put my hands on my hips, fixing Emma with my gaze. Holly had learned the tactic somewhere, and I wasn't afraid to remind Emma who had created that look all those years ago. "Holly insists on it, huh? I seem to remember a certain girl who would go bonkers if she didn't get chocolate chip pancakes, with whipped cream on top no less, every weekend."
Emma grinned at me. Then, she shrugged. "What can I say? Kids are like sponges. They absorb everything. Especially sugar loaded pancakes."
"Well, that just means she has good taste," I winked at Holly, then slid onto the stool next to her. I nudged her with my shoulder and nodded toward her phone. "Got a boyfriend you're talking to there?" I teased.
Holly stuck her tongue out and fake gagged. "Yuck! I told you, boys are stupid!" The look she gave me told me she wasn't kidding either. "No, I'm talking with my friend Kelly. She's stuck at her grandparents' house and is going crazy. Her grandparents are like Grandma. They're old and boring." She put an emphasis on boring, and I had to laugh.
"I'm sure your grandma will be happy to know you don't think she's boring!"
"And that she's old," Emma added under her breath, and I had to fight back a snicker.
Holly gave us a shocked look, hand over her chest. God, that girl was a sponge. It was like looking into the past and seeing Emma as a little girl again. And if my mother was around, I'm sure she'd have said it was like looking at me at that age too. "Grandma is definitely not old! And she's fun! Just last weekend she taught me how to make snares to keep rabbit and squirrels from wandering around and spooking the horses."
Emma and I grinned at each other, both shaking our heads at Holly's steadfast defense of her grandmother. Mrs. Frost was an amazing woman, and I was glad Holly had a grandmother like her.
I found my hands resting on my stomach as I wondered what it would've been like to have kids with Nick. I was sure Mrs. Frost would've been just as good of a grandmother to our kids too, and I was sad that wouldn't happen. Ever since I was Holly's age, I'd wanted to be a mother. My mother had died when I was little, and I hadn't gotten to spend much time with her. Mrs. Frost had taken that place in my life, and I'd been the daughter she'd never had.
My heart ached as I heard Nick's requests for a divorce again in my head. If we did get divorced, what would happen then? I'd been part of this family since long before we got married, but how could I stay a part of it if we divorced under these circumstances?
Nick was a good man. There wasn't a doubt in my mind about that. He wouldn't drag me through the mud in front of his family. Even if I had forced myself
