“Towards the sidewalk!” I pointed. It was weird; I knew where she was and that she was okay. I could have told him that Tia had crawled under the small opening of the red warehouse near the waterfront, but a part of me really wanted to see this memory play out again.
Jonathan rushed with me towards the sidewalk. “Tia Evans!” he shouted.
I got my hand free from Jonathan’s grip, and looked to my left towards the small opening. I could see a little red shoe.
“Mr. Evans!” I tugged his arm and pointed to the shoe. “She has to be this way.”
“Good eye, Annaka.” Jonathan ran.
“Tia? Tia!” He yelled. “Are you inside?”
“Dad?” I heard a frightened voice. “Dad? Where are you?”
“Come back the way you went in—I’m here!”
“I’m stuck!” Tia cried.
Jonathan let out a frustrated sigh and tried to force his way in. He was too big.
“Dang it.”
“I’ll get her!” I volunteered.
“Nope! There’s no way I’m losing two kids in one day,” Jonathan said, looking around for someone to help. But by the time he looked back, I had already crawled through the hole.
“Annaka!” he called in a defeated voice.
Inside the warehouse was dark, but light filtered in through the cracks. I looked around to see that there were lots of barrels, lobster cages, and fishing equipment in there.
“Tia!” I called “Where are you?”
“I’m over here!” she yelled.
I looked and saw that Tia’s foot had gotten caught in a rope holding barrels together.
“Tia!” I called. When I reached her, I asked, “How did you get stuck in there?” That still baffled me. The weird part was, so much of reliving this memory felt organic—some reactions felt automatic. I wasn’t in complete control, but I was still participating. “You were always such a rebel.” I whispered.
“Just help me!” She looked scared.
“You’re gonna be okay.” I smiled as I grabbed her hand. “Spin in my direction, just like we were doing outside.” I began spinning with her slowly.
“Okay.” I could see her eyes were puffy.
As we spun, the rope began to unravel, and her leg eventually came loose. She looked over at me and gave me a hug.
“See?” I told her. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“I wanna go home,” was all she said.
“Come with me.” I pulled her back towards the small hole in the wall. I made sure she exited first, and I saw Jonathan snatch her up quickly.
“There you are!” He embraced her. “You gotta stop running away, Tia.” He sounded frustrated.
“You gotta get better at catching me,” Tia replied as I wriggled my way out.
“That isn’t how it works.” Jonathan shook his head, but sounded relieved. He squeezed Tia into a tight hug again and she hugged him back.
“Are you okay, Annaka?” he asked me.
“I’m fine.” I got to my feet and wiped the dirt off my pants.
“Good, sounds like you deserve an ice cream.” He smiled.
“I want one too!” Tia shouted.
“We’ll see about that,” Jonathan replied with a wink at me.
Even though Tia could be a troublemaker, Jonathan was such a sucker for her. I smiled at how he hugged her, and rested his head on hers. It was a genuine moment between a father and daughter. It made me kind of sad. I never had that. I mean, I always had my grandfather, but I thought back to the idea of Blake, and I kept thinking about the time that we could have spent together. What if he had grown out of his bullshit? What if he had gone to school? What if he had tried to contact us but never could? Mom always told me not to dwell on those thoughts, but I couldn’t help clinging on to them. Why did my entire life have to be a mystery? It wasn’t fair.
I stood there, watching Tia and Jonathan, as everything around us faded and the world shifted back into my truck, my hand still gripping Clay’s.
“Are you okay? Do you feel nauseous?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Okay, maybe a little.” I held my stomach. “Okay, maybe a lot.” I rolled down the window.
“Oh, lord,” Clay said as he held my hair and I barfed out of the window, right in the bank parking lot.
“Luckily no one is around,” Clay said as I lay back in the seat.
I looked at Clay and grabbed the journal, flipping through the opposite end.
“What are you doing?” he asked. “Maybe going back again wouldn’t be a great idea.”
“It’s just….” I caught my breath. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else in there about my dad?”
“I would know.” Clay replied, leaning over. “I’m taking the journal.”
“Are you telling the truth?” I asked. I don’t know why I implied he was lying, I just remember him saying that he was worried about letting me down and I just wanted to know for sure.
“Why wouldn’t I be telling the truth?” He frowned. “No. No, there isn’t.” He continued. “If there was, I would know.”
“So all you know is that his name is Blake Morrison?”
“Why do you want to chase after him?”
“I’m not chasing after anyone. I just want to know.”
Seeing Tia and Jonathan, I don’t know. Something in me clicked. I knew it was unlikely anything would come of it, but what was the harm in trying?
“I just don’t think it’s worth the time.” Clay shrugged.
Okay, that annoyed me. Clay couldn’t relate to what I was feeling.
“That’s not fair,” I said. “You don’t know what its like not having a father.”
“I can assume.”
“No you can’t, you’re not even—” I caught myself before finishing that sentence.
“Not even what?” he challenged. “Are you gonna finish that sentence?”
“No.” I looked away from him, gripping the steering wheel.
“You have no idea what I’ve been through. I spent more than half of my life being idle on your behalf, and you’re going to say that to me?”
He was right. I shouldn’t have
