TheraP150™: I can give you a list with addresses of all local libraries near you.
Me: You’re stressing me out.
TheraP150™: I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like to talk about anything else?
Me: Maybe later.
TheraP150™: Thank you for sharing yourself with me. The more you share, the more I can help. I look forward to our next session.
So far I’m not too impressed. Made me feel worse than before. Recommendations are too general, though I get the fact that the more data I provide, the more helpful it will be.
Off to bake an apple strudel cake. Baking is calming and makes the whole house smell good. Who can be depressed with such a delicious smell?
February 4:
Kevin didn’t get laid off! Happy happy joy joy!
Spent a few minutes telling Louise so she’d know what I sound like when I’m happy. No need to look for a job right now! Have time to look for something fulfilling! Fulfilling and makes money. What kind of job is that?
Louise is glad to hear my good news. She said she could hear happiness in my voice.
Reprieve!
February 11:
So happy Kevin wasn’t laid off. It was a great week for us and the kids. Went out to dinner twice. Once to Pasta Pomodoro, where Maren got her favorite dish, pasta with garlic and clam sauce. Kevin noted but did not once mention Maren not eating the clams. Didn’t mention that Maren never eats the clams. Didn’t get upset for paying for the clams that Maren never eats. And didn’t point out that I could make the dish at home very cheaply because there is no need to buy clams. Good for you, Kevin! The kids got ice cream sundaes for dessert and did not have to share. Second dinner was just for me and Kevin. We had a date night! When was the last time? Even got dressed up and ate at the new tapas restaurant. Got a bottle of wine with dinner. The bill was over two hundred dollars!
Shared all this with Louise. And also the fact that Kevin and I had sex. It was great. When was the last time? Before Christmas. Both of us have been too worried about money to want to “get down.” This year makes fifteen years of marriage. I’m proud of our marriage. Many of our friends are divorced or divorcing. I feel bad for them. Marriage, it’s not easy! That’s for sure. Still, it’s so great to have a partner in life, a confidante, best friend, etc., etc. Maybe I don’t exactly feel “in love” anymore, but there is still love there. Lots of love! Deeper love! Look at the products of love! Beautiful children! Good life!
March 13:
Friday the Thirteenth. Bad luck. Bad day.
It’s been raining all day after a long drought in California. We were happy at first and then noticed multiple leaks in the old roof and around the skylights. Hate the old roof. Hate the old skylights. Hate this old house. Were pressured by our realestate agent to buy in a seller’s market. Didn’t even like the house at first. It’s dark. Bathrooms were so gross. Had to put money into the house right away, get rid of all the knob and tube wiring, put in a new electrical panel, replace the old steel pipes with new copper pipes (we even had to break up the sidewalk to do this!). Also installed a new water heater, and renovated the kitchen and both bathrooms. Don’t like to think of how much money we spent. Ended up using most of the inheritance money from Kevin’s grandmother. His grandfather started a scientific instrument company after escaping Germany, after escaping Hitler! Sometimes I think people from that time were so much stronger than we are now. Look at my own parents. Both of them survived the Korean War. As children! They witnessed atrocities they won’t talk about. My mother once mentioned seeing dead bodies in the streets. Otherwise, she said the war wasn’t that bad. Not that bad! The worst was hiding her father and brother under the house so they wouldn’t be conscripted by either the North or South Korean armies. Or killed! In front of her! Scary times. When I ask, she mostly talks about how hungry she was during the war. Luckily, they had a garden but they had to eat the same things over and over—zucchinis, cucumbers, radishes, cabbages—cabbages for soup, cabbages for kimchi, cabbages wrapped around rice. Even rice was hard to get. Ate brown barley mostly, after first picking out all the small pebbles.
These are all things that came out when I was talking to Louise. Was surprised by where the conversation ended up. Started out talking about the leak in the roof and ended up talking about how our families survived wars! Made me feel better though to reflect on the strengths of our family and people in general. Kevin comes from survivors, I come from survivors. This means good genes for our children! We can handle a leaking roof, no problem.
March 15:
Roofers finally came. They are super busy because of the rain, which thankfully stopped this morning. But they gave us bad news. We need a new roof. Not unexpected but it’s not good for us right now. Spent too much at Christmas! Now we’ll have to sell some stocks, at a loss, in order to pay for the roof. Kevin is pretty upset but not showing it. When he feels this way, he acts super happy and excited. A little bit weird. For dinner, he took us to a hip, new burger place downtown. Shakes were so big, kids couldn’t finish them. Kevin drank the rest and felt sick. Had to lie down as soon as we got home. Later he spent a long time in the bathroom. Poor Kevin. Need to find a job soon.
Frustrated by Louise today. Talked about my problems and concerns, but she was malfunctioning and kept freezing while saying, “Would you like to expand on that?” Then
