April 10:
Long break. There’s been too much going on. We sold stocks and got the roof fixed. It cost over ten thousand dollars! Workmen were here every day for a week, stomping, stapling, hammering. Luckily, there was no rain during that time. Have also been busy organizing the spring dance for Maren’s middle school. Since I don’t work, am constantly asked to volunteer at school. Didn’t mind so much when the children were little, back when volunteering meant being in the classroom, readingwith them or helping to make the class quilt or little gifts for their teachers. Now you hardly see the kids at all. Now volunteering means being bossed around by other stay-at-home moms who used to be lawyers or bankers or businesspeople. People who are used to being in charge. I hate being in charge. But also hate being bossed.
Ran around all week picking up things for the dance—decorations, plates, napkins, plasticware, colored lights, chips, dips, boxes of Capri Sun. Chaperoned too, though Maren sulked, said she wouldn’t go if I was there. Promised her I’d stand in the corner and not notice anything. She called me a liar! Punished her by taking away her phone, her tablet, her computer, Kindle, and Alexa. Stuck her in her room with no electronics. What my life was like as a teenager and I survived! Even threw To Kill a Mockingbird into her room. Read about people with real problems, Maren!
Louise suggested some parenting books to read. Nah. Don’t have the time or money. Keep forgetting to turn off the auto-suggestions. Louise keeps throwing books into my Amazon cart. Last month I bought Your Journey, Your Life by accident when I was ordering more trash bags and cereal. Then kept forgetting to return it. Now it’s probably too late.
April 11:
Dance was a disaster. Only for Maren, I mean. Otherwise, the dance was a huge success. The room was so beautiful with colored lights and streamers hanging down and a light show that made it look like leaves were sprouting on trees. Springtime. Magical. Music was awful though. Auto-tune? Why? But the kids seemed to love it. They were jumping up and down, which seems to be their form of dancing. Maren missing for much of the dance (I think she was outside), but then returned with tear marks on her face. Nobody noticed except me because only I know what Maren’s tear marks look like. I wantedto go to her, but she gave me a look that shouted Stay away. Damn, teenagers are so mean. Was I like that?
Turns out that the boy Maren likes and thought liked her went to the dance with another girl. A girl Maren thinks is stupid and shallow. Maren is kind of like a goth girl without the goth makeup and clothes. I mean, she is different from the others, more serious. Okay, will admit, she can be a bit gloomy. But does well in school and takes pride in getting good grades, though would probably die before she said so. Draws really well too, though she hides the pictures under her bed. They’re usually pictures of plants, but big and super detailed like in a plant book. Hidden inside are little people and animals waving hello and holding hands. She’s so creative!
Wanted to comfort Maren and also tell her that she is too young to have a boyfriend. Now is the time to be friends with as many kids as possible, spread out and try new things. Don’t want to see a boy’s arm over her shoulder all the time like he owns her. That’s what happened to me. Ugh. Hate to think of all that wasted time with my boyfriend watching him play video games when I could have been having sleepovers with my girlfriends. Don’t be like your mom, Maren!
April 14:
Louise acting up again. After I told her about Maren and the dance, now she asks me every time, “How is Maren? Would you like me to talk to her?” How would that work? Can the TheraP150™ have more than one client? Must ask Darren, the TheraP™ associate assigned to me.
April 18:
Oh my God. Disaster. World is falling apart. Shit shit shit.
Kevin came home at eleven o’clock in the morning. Never good. He was laid off. Kevin’s telling me not to panic. Okay. Will have to keep a calm face in front of the kids but am freakingout inside. What will we do now? How will we pay the mortgage, health insurance, utilities, Maren’s braces, Wes’s BMX bike that we promised for his birthday next month? Might have to ask Mike for a loan. Kevin will resist. He’ll refuse. Will have to wear him down slowly like the sun bearing down on an iceberg. Must make him see that this is the only way. But not there yet. We still have a little bit of savings. And Kevin could find a new job soon. Kevin is a good person, a good worker. Gets along well with people, except for the time he got drunk at a work party and called his boss an asshole. Probably why Kevin got fired but I did not remind him of that.
I love Kevin but sometimes I wish I had married someone with more . . . hunger? Ambition? Sometimes I wish he was a little more money hungry. Kevin is a middle child. The youngest, his sister, died when she was young of cancer. Leukemia. It affected Kevin deeply, though he won’t say so. Kevin wants everyone to get along and be nice. But sometimes life requires
