Reframing such beliefs requires the PWS to step outside their limiting belief frame and to consider alternatives. This is a fourth position activity, and it should be fun to do! (For further information on this, see Hall & Bodenhamer 2001, Chapter 6). Here are some more examples of how you can reframe a PWS’s statements about themselves: Reframing outcome/purpose statements
I am not going to attract attention to myself.
“Actually most people want to grab other people’s attention. What makes you so different?”
“So I should ignore you?”
“So you’re not worth paying attention to?”
“What would happen if you did?” “What would happen if you didn’t?”
I am not going to let others see my vulnerabilities.
“Why, where do you keep them? In a safe at home?”
“How do you know that you are vulnerable? Who decided that?”
“If I had that belief, I would have never left my parent’s home for I sure am vulnerable!”
“What would happen if you ‘celebrated’ your vulnerabilities and joined the human race?”
I will not give others the chance to laugh at me.
“But can you laugh at yourself?”
“Comedians work hard to get people to laugh at them.”
“If someone laughs at you because you block and stutter, who really has a problem, you or them? They just need to grow up, don’t they?”
“In the past year, how many people have laughed at you because of your blocking and stuttering?” “Did you join in?”
I will not let them see me struggle.
“You’d better hide under a blanket then.”
“You have struggled most of your life with this problem. Have you ever considered just letting the struggling go and just relax with an attitude of ‘I don’t care if they see me struggle or not’? If they have a problem with it, it is their problem.”
I will avoid any situations around people or groups that will expose this weakness.
“So it’s the hermit’s life for you then.”
“You mean, you don’t want to practice getting better?”
“What do you mean by the term ‘weakness’?”
“That sure is weak thinking, isn’t it?”
I will try to cover the stuttering up.
“Go on then. Show me how you do that.” “Don’t ‘try’ – just do it.”
“You mean, you have nothing worth saying?”
“How about covering up that kind of thinking?”
“And when you do that, what happens?”
“Wouldn’t it be better to just admit the obvious and go ahead and just talk the best you could?” Patterns for increasing self-esteem
[Adapted from the original by L. Michael Hall PhD (Hall, 1996, 2000, pp. 81–2).]
Accepting self-acceptance and appreciating self-appreciation
Because most PWS have low opinions of themselves, they need ways of boosting their confidence if they are to develop greater fluency. They need to stop identifying their sense of identity with a particular speech behavior and to accept and appreciate themselves more. This section considers what would happen to their speech if instead of identifying their blocking behavior with their sense of self they accepted and appreciated themselves as worthwhile people regardless of any stuttering?
We can identify three aspects of esteem:
Accepting who you are, “warts and all”.
Appreciating what you do, acknowledging what you are good at.
Awe for what you have the potential to become, what you aspire to.
One way of developing your self-worth is based on an interpretation of the 3Ps that Seligman refers to in his work on Learned Helplessness (see Chapter Two):
The first P is Personal, and relates to personal identity. This is where you need to demonstrate Acceptance.
Acceptance is about noticing your various qualities, whatever you judge them to be, and simply accepting “This is how I appear to be now.” “This is just one way of describing who I am.” You accept who you are without hiding anything, without going into denial, without pretending that everything is “just fine”. Just as there are always some personal qualities people do not like about themselves, there is always room for improvement, and a lifetime for doing it. There would be little point in living if you were “perfect”.
The second P is for the Pervasiveness of Behavior, and this is where you need Appreciation.
Every person has a number of skills they perform well without really thinking about them. You may consider them “ordinary” or “trivial” simply because for you they are no big deal. For example, you may be a great cook, love gardening, or find satisfaction in balancing the accounts. You might think “doesn’t everybody do this?” but the truth is, they don’t. Other people lacking those particular talents may admire your capability.
The third P relates to your way of thinking that your model of the world is Permanent, and this is where you need to develop a sense of Awe about what you can become!
Every human being has a reason for living. Some think of this as their mission or purpose. Whatever the label, this notion is about becoming all that you might possibly become in your spiritual journey, in fulfilling your potential as a human being. And when you think about the richness of your life experience, this inspires a sense of awe and wonder, as you realize how much there can be … and there is even more than that!
Acceptance, Appreciation & Awe/Esteem Pattern
I have already mentioned that the primary goal for the speech pathologist in working with the PWS is to assist them in building up a healthy self-esteem that will allow them to feel sufficiently good about
