His chuckle lessened the tension somewhat. “There’s a dart board down there. I thought you could throw darts at it when you get mad.”
“Any books?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then what makes you think I’m going to throw angry darts at a board instead of you?”
He stilled, and I almost walked into him. “You’re right,” he said. “Not a good idea.”
Laughing, I gently nudged him in the back. “Keep going.”
We walked down the remaining stairs to the basement. It’d changed since I’d last seen it after he’d bought the house. The barrel stools had been replaced with actual stools, even though the barrels remained as what looked like side tables. There still wasn’t a sofa, which meant we had no choice but to sit on the stools.
Josh set the food down on the bar and walked around it. “Drink?”
I scanned the bottles. It was mostly hard liquor, and that was going to result in one of two things: rapping Kanye or doing something I’d regret. Since I’d already done the latter—and the former actually counted as a regret, too—I decided not to add any more things onto Kinsley’s List of Big Mistakes.
“I’m not sure any of that is a good idea.”
He gave the bottles his own glance. “Good thinking.”
Together we opened the boxes, filling the room with the rich, cheesy scent of pizza and spiced potato wedges.
I didn’t know how to start this conversation and judging by the way the uncomfortable silence thickened the air, neither did he.
But it had to be done.
We both started to speak at the same time.
Josh grimaced. “Go on.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my fingers with a napkin and not making eye contact. “I never should have pushed you yesterday morning. I should have respected your feelings and your loyalty to my brother. I just want to clear the air so we’re on the same page and we can move on and put it behind us.”
He nodded slowly, an action I caught out of the corner of my eye. “I appreciate the apology, even though it’s unnecessary.”
“No, it’s not. You made a promise to my brother, and I made you break that. I said some dumb stuff I never should have said, and I just want you to know that I didn’t mean it.” I peered up at him, letting my hair fall down as a sort of curtain over one eye. “I would never tell Colton what happened. Aside from it being between us, I can’t imagine how I’d begin to broach the subject of me practically dry humping you with him.”
His tongue flicked out and wetted his lower lip as he fought back a smile. “Not exactly one for the dinner table, is it?”
I battled my own laugh. “Not really. Just… As long as we both agree it was a stupid mistake and won’t happen again, it’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“What?”
“Is it okay?” He rested his forearms on the bar and leaned forward. The action made his biceps pop, and it was really hard to concentrate knowing he was wearing the equivalent of sexy lingerie back there.
I frowned. “Of course it’s okay. I was wrong to act the way I did, and I respect the pact you made with my brother.”
“So you don’t regret kissing me?”
Oh, boy.
That was a loaded question.
“I regret that my actions led to you doing something that you felt would betray your friendship with my brother.”
“That wasn’t what I asked you, Kinsley.”
I shifted. This wasn’t the way this was supposed to go. He was supposed to agree with me, shake my hand, and let me leave.
Not… this.
“Do you regret kissing me?” His eyes bore into mine, and the intensity of his green-gray gaze was electrifying.
I swallowed. “I don’t see how me answering that question furthers this conversation.”
“Because here’s the thing.” He straightened so his hands were flat on the bar and his entire upper body was tensed. “I’ve been thinking about some of what you said. You said it was wrong that you didn’t get a say in the pact we’d made, and you were right. Both you and Piper should have been told about it, even if you wouldn’t have cared then.”
It was my turn to nod. “It would have been nice to have been made aware.”
“And when we made that pact, we were young. If I knew then that one day I’d get feelings for you, I never would have made it.”
I jerked. “What?”
“I didn’t want to feel this way, Kinsley. Hell, I don’t even know how you feel about me. I’m not sure I want to know, if I’m honest with you. But this isn’t my choice.” Something flashed in his eyes. “And you were never supposed to find out. I was supposed to find you an Elliott that you’d be happy with and then I could move on, but it…” He trailed off.
“Didn’t work that way,” I finished for him softly.
“Exactly. It didn’t work that way.” His jaw ticked. “It didn’t matter than you didn’t have a say in the pact because you were never supposed to need one.”
I looked away from him for a moment before I flitted my gaze back to him. “And now? Do I need one now?”
“I don’t know. Do you?”
“Would it matter if I wanted one even if I didn’t?”
“If you don’t know if you do, then you don’t need one.”
“Damn it, no, don’t look at me like that.” I hopped off the stool and pointed my finger at him.
“Like what?”
“Like, like, I don’t know! Just this!” I threw out my arms, then jabbed my fingers into my own chest. “Do you know how guilty I feel? I know how much my brother and his friendship mean to you, and I was the person who made you do something that could compromise that. You’ve literally been best friends your entire lives, and I, me, my actions—my selfish, impulsive, thoughtless actions—made you do something you didn’t want to do.”
“I wanted to kiss you, Kinsley. Don’t mistake loyalty
