Her thoughts strayed to Lucy and Indi—and Leo. “What about my nieces and nephew?”
“What about them?”
“How do you feel about them sleeping over?”
He gave her an indulgent smile. “I don’t hate kids, Al. I’m happy to have them here now and then. I just don’t want them underfoot every weekend.”
He pulled her back into him and the heady feelings of being adored rendered her momentarily boneless. He was very dear to her and they were definitely compatible in bed. He was offering her love and a life filled with travel and the outdoor pursuits they both enjoyed. She wouldn’t be lonely again. He was hers for the taking. All she had to do was say yes.
From the hospital bed in her living room, Jess watched Leo clapping his hands and squealing as Alice pretended to be a bull and chased him into his bedroom. If she squinted, it was easy to pretend it was Libby showering Leo with love. At first, Jess had only done it occasionally, but as her stamina failed her and Alice’s presence in the house became a daily event, Jess spent large chunks of time imagining what she desperately wanted to see.
Jess had been home a few weeks now and Libby hadn’t emailed, texted, phoned or visited. Unlike the many other times when Jess had asked for a meeting, this time she hadn’t left pleading or screeching voicemails or sent begging emails. She hadn’t tried to contact Libby, assuming her old friend would come to her. But it appeared not even dying was enough to persuade Libby to make contact.
She picked up the white envelope and pulled out the contents. Again. The high dose of her pain medication blurred the words on the pages of her will and medical power of attorney. They’d been the first items on her “get your affairs in order” list that she’d tackled. Peter had helped her. Nick and Karen had been at the meeting too and Nick had agreed without argument to her request that he raise Leo. But that had been when Jess was convinced Libby would come running. Now she was having second and third thoughts, and time was a ticking bomb.
Jess still had so many things she wanted to do, like finish writing twenty birthday cards for Leo. Karen had suggested it and bought the cards for her, but she could only manage a few each day. The early ones were easier, but the teenage ones were almost impossible. Who would Leo be then? What would he be interested in? The questions rammed home exactly how much she was losing and how much she was going to miss.
Initially, she’d railed violently against the diagnosis and had spent a week lost in the depths of the internet, chasing miracle cures. It was Karen who’d said, “Don’t waste the precious time you have.”
Jess had hated her for it. “What the hell do you know? Get out!”
Karen stayed seated. “You can yell and scream and call me every name under the sun, but I’m not your mother and I’m not leaving you.”
For some reason, that had been the moment Jess truly understood she was going to die. She’d crumpled then, sobbing uncontrollably for the first time since she’d been twelve and determined tears were a waste. Now she was only chasing one miracle—to still be alive on Leo’s second birthday.
Alice reappeared in the room. “All that fresh air in the park this morning and he’s out like a light.”
“Thanks for taking him.”
“Too easy.”
It was unusual for Jess to be alone with Alice. Usually there was someone else in the house too. Apparently, when death circled, so did people and casseroles. Karen had set up a schedule so Jess wasn’t exhausted by visitors and she checked if Jess wished to see them. She’d said yes to everyone, even Genevieve Lawry, who’d made her life hell. The woman had sobbed over her, apologizing for ostracizing her and seeking her forgiveness. Jess couldn’t help feeling Genevieve’s visit was more to do with the woman’s terror that if she didn’t apologize, Jess might haunt her.
It surprised her who chose to visit, but outside of her care team, the only person she really wanted to see was Libby. The only thing holding Jess back from asking her to visit was the dread Libby would refuse. It was one indignity she refused to suffer.
In the early afternoon sunshine, Alice looked like a big kid or a children’s entertainer. Once Jess had dismissed Alice and her signature bright clothing choices as immature, clownish and completely lacking in style. But the specter of death had given Jess new eyes. Over many days, she’d watched Leo’s wondrous delight as he hid under Alice’s rainbow print circular skirt or drew his finger over the elephants on her pants.
“I can’t play with him for long before I’m exhausted, but I love watching him with you.” Jess plucked at the light cotton blanket. “I didn’t expect you’d want to help … We’ve never been close.”
Alice made a sound that held the nub of a laugh. “That’s an understatement. When you and Libby got together, I always felt I was in the way.”
Jess felt responsible for that. “I think I was jealous of you.”
“Me? I was gangly and insecure while you and Libby owned the school.”
“You had parents and a sister who loved you.”
An odd look crossed Alice’s face. “You’re right. I got lucky.”
At least one Hunter girl realized that. Something crystalized. “I want Leo to know love like that. When I watch him with you, I know he has it. I want you to co-parent him with Nick.”
Alice stared at her, eyes wide. “But you’ve made your will …”
“I’m still breathing, Alice. I can change it.”
“Right. Of course.” Alice tugged on her hair and Jess half expected her to suck on the ends like she’d done when she was a teen. “Jess,
