“I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.”
“Perhaps you already have.”
“What?”
Nick flinched. “You’re barely speaking to your mother and you’re refusing to see Leo …” He didn’t say, “And we’re not out of the woods yet.” He didn’t have to—it was clear on his face.
Unless you deal with your rage, Libby, it will become a permanent part of you and you’ll lose everyone you love. She heard her mother’s unwanted prophecy and this time she couldn’t ignore it. Her heart kicked up, rushing agitation along her veins as she glimpsed two different versions of her future—neither of them what she wanted. “I hate this so much.”
“I know. We all do. There are no winners, but Libs, we can try and prevent there being any more losers.”
Libby knew he was thinking of Leo. Of the girls. Of their marriage. Their future.
And that’s when it hit her, reverberating through her like shock waves and upending the mess of emotions she’d been so desperate to hold onto to keep her safe from ever being hurt again. She might be a doctor, someone who cared for a living, but Nick was the better person.
“You’re far kinder than me.”
He shook his head slowly. “I didn’t lose as much as you did.”
Libby was familiar with a palliative care set up, but the shock of seeing a hospital bed in Jess’s small living room made her sway. The thin and emaciated woman with the huge belly and sunken eyes didn’t look anything like the vibrant woman who’d once been her best friend. Anguish rode alongside her anger and her feet refused to move beyond the doorway.
“Hello, Jess.”
“Libby?” Jess turned her head. “Are you trying to outdo me at looking like death?”
It was typical Jess and it wounded Libby, reminding her of how close she’d once thought they were. How far apart they were now. “I’m sorry you’re dying.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” The question came out automatically, honed by years of doctoring.
Jess barked a laugh, which turned into a coughing fit.
Libby hastily poured her a glass of water. “Here.”
Jess managed to take a couple of sips through the straw before sinking back onto the bank of pillows. “Do you mean that?”
“What?”
“Doing anything for me?”
Libby felt the pull of a trap. “Some things are unforgivable.”
Jess closed her eyes for a moment and took in some deep breaths. “You forgave Nick.”
“He’s my husband.”
“And I’m your best friend. Why can’t you forgive me?”
That Jess needed to ask defied all understanding. “You hurt me more.”
For a moment, the only sound was the loud tick of the kitchen clock. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Libby felt herself clench and unclench her hand. “You make it sound like it was all just an accident.”
“In a way it was,” Jess murmured. She was quiet for a bit and then she cleared her throat. “Did you know Nick was the only guy you never told me about?”
Had the cancer reached Jess’s brain? “What are you talking about? Of course I told you about him. You were my bridesmaid.”
“That’s not what I mean. For years, you told me about every guy you liked. I helped you get ready for every first date. Hell, I even went on first dates with you, but you didn’t mention Nick until after your night at Bunga Arm.”
“I think you’ve just forgotten.”
“I haven’t forgotten a thing.”
“I’m sure you have. It was ten years ago.”
“I know exactly how long ago it was.”
Annoyance rode up Libby’s spine. “Then why are you only asking me about it now?”
Jess’s dark gaze, full of the shadow of death, nailed her. “Because, I’m running out of time and we need to be honest with each other.”
“Honest? That’s rich coming from you. I’ve always been honest.”
Jess’s mouth tightened. “You haven’t and it started with Nick. I know why you didn’t tell me about him. It was the same reason I never told you about him. Neither of us wanted to share him.”
Libby opened her mouth to deny it, but the past rose like a wraith, bringing their university years sharply into focus. Far away from the confines of Kurnai Bay and the watchful eyes of her parents, Libby had embraced freedom. She’d knowingly pushed the boundaries of the rules that Peter and Karen had instilled into her and Jess had happily taken her on the ride. Back then, their friendship was the most important thing in her life. Outside of classes, they did everything together, including sharing boyfriends. It avoided the problem of one of them dating a guy the other didn’t like. Dylan had been great fun—a sexy extension of their friendship. But their second attempt with Eric hadn’t been a success. Libby had realized she’d grown up and that she shared her parents’ values after all. But she hadn’t told Jess that, preferring to say that Eric was hers if she wanted him. Jess had shrugged but, a month later, Eric was out of the picture.
Libby had met Nick on one of the few times she was home in the bay without her best friend. Entrusted with the job of picking up the oysters for Dot’s eightieth birthday, she’d been walking out of the fish co-op juggling four white boxes. The top box had started to slide and Nick caught it, staving off disaster. He’d relieved her of half the load and they’d stood next to her car talking until Peter had telephoned asking, “What’s the hold-up?”
The following day, she’d gone sailing with Nick then promptly delayed her planned return to Melbourne. During her daily phone calls and texts to Jess, she’d deliberately avoided mentioning Nick. If she had, Jess would have driven to the bay to vet him, just as Libby would have done if the situation had been reversed. It had been the first time in their friendship that Libby didn’t want Jess’s opinion. Nor did she want her charismatic presence
