“Absolutely.”
It took Alice some careful work to remove Trudi’s misguided enthusiasm for butterflies. After the morning tea break, she sat next to Elsie and carefully positioned the sixty-five-year-old wedding photo onto the page. It had been taken outside the Catholic church and the bride’s magnolia brocade train draped elegantly across the stone steps. A young Elsie held a bouquet of roses and her groom stood tall and dignified in a new suit, gazing at his bride as if he couldn’t quite believe his luck. Despite the passage of many years, bearing five children, losing one to cerebral palsy and grieving for the man she’d shared her life with for sixty years, the essence of the young bride was still evident in the 88-year-old woman.
“How’s that?”
“If you straighten it, we can put the invitation on an angle.” Elsie’s hands were crippled with arthritis and although she couldn’t physically place the scrapbook items where she wanted them, she had a very good eye for design.
Alice did as she was asked, positioning the beautiful wedding invitation with its silver print on heavy—now yellowed—paper. Its existence suggested a love match and Alice realized that when Elsie had been her age, she was in her second decade of marriage. “So, Frank was the love of your life.”
“No.”
Alice stared at the woman who’d only ever spoken in glowing terms of her husband.
“Close your mouth, dear, the flies will get in.”
“But?”
“Frank was a good man, but he wasn’t the one who swept me off my feet and made me dizzy with excitement. He was the one who caught me when I fell. Good men don’t always make your heart race the first time you meet them, but they’re there for the long haul.” Elsie’s quivering fingers touched Alice’s wrist. “Don’t settle for anything less than a good man.”
Alice thought about Dan and sex. He made her heart race and now he loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. That was the trifecta. “Just between you and me, I’ve found my good man.”
Elsie’s rheumy blue eyes sparkled. “There’s nothing better than a man who loves you and wants to give you the world.”
“We’re going to travel.”
“That’s lovely, dear, but I wasn’t being literal. I meant you need a man who wants to give you your heart’s desire. My Frank was ahead of his time. He knew when I’d finished school, I’d wanted to be a teacher, but I didn’t have the opportunity. When our Douglas died, he encouraged me to enroll in teacher’s college even though it meant he was running the farm and dealing with the kids when I was studying. That’s love, Alice. That’s someone giving you the world. If you and your young man have each other’s best interests at heart, you’ll be very happy.”
“Thanks, Elsie.” But as Alice created the page she struggled to move past the words “heart’s desire.” Her heart’s desire was a child and Dan’s was a carefree life. But she’d made her peace with that, because even if Dan had wanted children, he couldn’t give them to her. No one could. And, just like Frank had encouraged Elsie to teach, Dan was offering her financial support so she could become qualified. That was care. That was love. That was giving her a new version of the world. Besides, she had Lucy and Indi and Leo to shower with love on the weekends.
Happy to have them here now and then. I just don’t want them underfoot every weekend.
The large piece of banana bread Alice had scarfed at morning tea suddenly sat like a lead weight in her belly. Exactly what did “now and then” really mean?
After the session, Alice drove straight from Summerhouse to Dan’s place, grateful for the rain and stormy seas that had closed the surf school for the afternoon.
“Dan?”
“In the bedroom.”
As she stepped into the room he walked out of the master bath. His hair was wet, his chest glistened with droplets of water and he wore a towel wrapped low around his hips.
“Perfect timing.” He caught her by the hand and pulled her in close to kiss her.
She came up for air as the backs of her knees hit the mattress and she felt herself about to tumble backwards. “Dan. Stop.”
He drew back. “What’s up?”
“I need some information.”
He sat on the bed next to her. “Shoot.”
“Remember when I asked you about my nieces and nephew coming for sleepovers and you said as long as it wasn’t every weekend?”
“Yeah.”
“So how often were you thinking? Twice a month?”
His brow furrowed. “Not quite that often.”
“So once a month and then during school vacation?”
“Alice, I work all through summer vacation and we’ll be traveling during the others.”
“So once a month when school’s open?”
“I’m not keen on tying ourselves down to a permanent arrangement. If the weather’s good, we want to be able to maximize that. I don’t want to miss out on a blue bird day of skiing or perfect hiking conditions, because we’re tied down to babysitting.”
The weight in her stomach turned to stone. “The problem is, being tied down by kids and pets is exactly what I want.”
“But you said—”
“I know.” Alice bit her lip, hating that she was about to hurt him. “And when I said it, I believed it. But now I realize teaching kids won’t be enough for me. I’m worried we’ll end up resenting each other.”
He rubbed his face. “What about compromising on weeknights? The kids could visit once a month then?”
She shook her head, remembering Lawrence. “It never works when there’s a fundamental difference. You want a kid-free life and I don’t. It will always be our stumbling block.”
His usually bright blue eyes dulled. “So where does this leave us?”
Her heart fluttered. “I hope as dear friends.”
“With or without benefits?”
The full scope of her decision suddenly came home with a deafening crash. “Oh, Dan. I want to say “with,” because it’s fun and easy and you’re great
