“You’re really sure about this, aren’t you?”
She blinked rapidly, wishing she could live the life he wanted. “I’m sure.”
His handsome face sagged, pulled down by sadness. He hugged her. “Good for you, Al. You’ve finally learned to demand what you want.”
A sob escaped. “A good friend taught me how.”
“He sounds pretty awesome,” he said, but his voice wobbled.
“He is. He truly is.”
Leo stared in wonder at the candles on his birthday cake. Patrice had made a cake in the shape of a number two and decorated it as a racing car track complete with cars. As much as he loved anything with wheels though, right now the candles were the highlight. “Twinkle, twinkle star,” he said.
Jess leaned in, her head close to his. “Blow out the candles.”
Leo blew raspberries. Nick laughed and tousled his hair.
Indi said, “I can do it for him.”
“No.” Libby restrained her younger daughter. “It’s Leo’s birthday.”
“I’ll help.” Jess blew with Leo and the candles flickered then died.
Leo burst into tears.
“Hang on, mate, they’re not gone forever. I’ll bring them back.” Nick struck a match and relit the candles.
Leo’s tears stopped and he clapped his pudgy hands. “More stars.”
Jess’s throat thickened. If only someone could light a match and bring her back when she was dead. But she’d be gone forever and Leo wouldn’t understand. Eventually, he’d forget her. She buried her head into his curls as she’d always done when her love for him overwhelmed her. This time though, it hid her tears.
The previous two weeks had been difficult, but in a completely different way from the months that had preceded them and the weeks since her diagnosis. The joy of having Libby and Nick back in her life was equal to her despair that it would soon end. Since the afternoon when Libby had arrived unannounced, she’d been in organizational overdrive. She’d filmed Jess trying to pass on some of her hard-learned life lessons, but it had been almost impossible to work out what to say. In the end, they’d decided to make a video for when Leo went through puberty and was likely questioning who he was. Jess had studied photos of herself and Nick at twelve and created an image of Leo at that age. She held it in her head when she spoke to the camera, telling him about her side of the family and how lucky he was that Nick was his father and Libby his stepmother.
Libby had suggested filming and recording her singing Leo’s favorite songs and reading stories. The picture books were quick and easy, as were some of the early elementary books Lucy enjoyed—neither taxed her too much. Jess dearly wished she had the energy to record the entire Harry Potter series, but yesterday when she’d barely had enough energy to sit up, she’d momentarily questioned if she could even get to the end of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. But she would. She’d made it to Leo’s party and Christmas was only two more weeks away. After that, there was New Year to aim for.
“Who’s for cake?” Alice deftly slid the knife through the chocolate delight and passed a huge slice to Leo. “There you go. Share that with Mommy.”
But as much as Jess adored cake, she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it down. She’d had trouble keeping anything down since yesterday, not that she’d told Libby. Sometimes, seeing the doctor in her friend’s eyes was too confronting. It was easier to mention things to Alice, Karen and Nick.
Libby held up her phone. “Leo. Jess. Look at the camera.”
“Daddy, when are we playing pass the parcel?” Lucy asked.
“I want to hit the piñata,” Indi said.
Karen lifted the phone out of Libby’s hands. “You and Nick and the girls go and stand behind Jess and Leo. I’ll take one of you all.”
Jess’s lips felt like ten-ton weights but she smiled, because it was one more photo—one more reminder for Leo that she was his mother and she’d been the center of his world for the first two years of his life.
“You’ve got more cake on you than in you.” Nick lifted Leo off her lap and wiped his hands and face before organizing the children for a game of pass the parcel.
As the children ran outside and the noise levels dropped, the room swayed. Jess’s hand closed around the edge of the table. “Karen.”
“Time to lie down?”
“It’s that or fall down.”
Karen helped her back to bed, lifting her legs up onto the mattress and expertly stuffing pillows behind her so she could watch the games through the sliding glass doors. Libby had insisted on bringing her to Burrunan and Jess hadn’t objected. She loved the house and the people in it. Each morning they wheeled the bed into the airy family room with its views to the water.
Jess pointed to Leo, who was wielding the piñata stick. “He looks so happy.”
Karen laughed. “He’s probably on a sugar high. I know Indi is. There’s going to be tears.”
“Lucky, I’m off the hook for dealing with that. I knew there was an advantage to dying.”
Karen winced and Jess did something she’d never done before—she slid her hand into Karen’s.
“It’s okay. I’m not dead yet.”
“You’ve always been a survivor. I recognized that in you the first time I met you.”
“We’re kindred spirits.” Karen had told her about her parents; about her sister Lisa and Alice. “You were far more of a mother to me than Linda.”
“I tried to fill the gaps. I wish I’d done more.”
Jess shrugged. She’d had a lot of time to think about the choices she’d made and the cost of her mistakes. “You did more than enough. The rest is on me.”
Karen huffed. “Linda has a lot to answer for.”
“And my grandmother, but how far back do we go? The important thing is the cycle’s broken and
