When I get back to the table, Tommy has settled in as well. I sit down and smile at my friends.
Becca rants about a class for a while, and I happily just nod along and eat my food.
“Anyway, enough about me,” Becca says suddenly. “What about you, Cynthia?”
She wiggles her eyebrows in a way that makes it abundantly clear she is referring to my internet romance.
“I had a good weekend of just chilling, but nothing new.” I give her a look. “Seriously, nothing.”
I hope that will get her off my back. She couldn’t have had super high hopes for my internet boyfriend anyway.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and we really need to prioritize enjoying our senior spring.” Becca spreads her hands as if she’s outlining a super important plan of attack. “We have spent four years working hard, it’s time to actually savor our final days as undergrads. That means no more bailing on parties, you two!”
Tommy and I exchange looks. Becca is by far the more extroverted one in our group. The two of us are the ones who are likely to opt to stay in and watch a movie instead of going out. But I do want to make Becca happy. I’m going to miss her next year.
“Of course,” I say. “I can’t promise you a ton of wild nights, but I’m in.”
Internally, I think that I actually will be having some wild nights, just not with college friends. With Nate. I smile to myself.
I never knew it could be this fun to have a secret.
“I’m only going if we all go,” Tommy says. “Becca, you always abandon us at those parties to flirt with some guy, I’m not going to be left alone in a corner.”
Becca rolls her eyes. “You wouldn’t be alone if you found people to talk to!”
“Don’t worry, I won’t abandon you.” I smile at Tommy, but then immediately regret my comment when his eyes light up. I didn’t mean to give him hope or be vaguely flirtatious, I was just trying to be nice. Now he looks like he can’t wait to be alone in a corner of a party with me.
I turn my attention back to my plate and once again wish for the day to be over so I can be with Nate again.
I also wish I could ask Becca if it’s normal to be this obsessed with the guy who takes your virginity. There are a lot of things I wish I could ask her. I want to share a bottle of wine and have a girls’ night in which we discuss sex and role play and how to define a relationship for hours and hours.
But it’s not to be.
It’s too soon to tell her about Nate. I don’t know how she will react, and part of me suspects that she will judge me. Plus, I know Nate and I aren’t going to last long. This is going to be over before it really starts. It’s a fling. A brief affair that, if I’m being honest, is made sexier by the fact that it’s secret and scandalous.
I know Becca and Tommy both have classes right after lunch, so neither one of them can stick to me afterwards and pepper me with questions. As soon as it is reasonable to leave, I scoop up my half-empty plate and announce that I’m off to the library.
Once I’m there, I try to study, but instead I alternate between daydreaming about Nate and staring at the clock, willing the afternoon to pass. The sooner I get to my 3pm class, the sooner it will be over so I can go see Nate again.
It occurs to me that I’m assuming he will want to see me again tonight. I brush off even the glimmer of doubt. He has made it clear that he likes my company in the evening, and I know him well enough to know he will communicate if anything changes.
At long last, it’s time for my class, and I dash over, my head filled not with thoughts about the seminar discussion, but rather fantasies about what Nate will teach me tonight.
Chapter Twenty
Nate
I’m waiting for Cynthia, and I’m not even pretending to do otherwise. She mentioned she had a seminar at 3, so I know I shouldn’t expect her until after 4. So as soon as the clock reads 4:01, I’m out of my office and lingering in the living room since it has the best view of the driveway.
I no longer think of this as pathetic. It was pathetic when I thought there was no chance I would ever get to hold her, but now that I’ve experienced her, I’m no longer ashamed by my desire for a younger woman. If the sex is this good, I’ll be as obsessive as I like.
I have a plan for tonight. I want her to be comfortable coming to my place, so I’ve decided to get her over here, show her where she can hang out or study, and then make her a nice dinner.
I’m a good cook; it’s a skill I’ve picked up over the years of bachelorhood. I used to be helpless in the kitchen, but it was either learn to cook or get fat dining out non-stop. I found that I actually enjoy it. I like messing around with recipes to discover perfect dishes.
Tonight, I want to make a nice home cooked meal for Cynthia. Nothing fancy, just chicken pan-seared in a creamy sauce with asparagus and roasted potatoes on the side. A simple but good quality dinner.
Then I have many, many other plans for her.
I sit in a chair by the window and I flip through the pages of a book. I don’t try very hard to read it. My ear is attuned to the sound of her bike.
At last, at half past four, I hear the rubber wheels
