“I’m sorry.” I give her a sheepish grin. “I’m sure you’ll be just fine.”
“Well, this one guy has been flirting with me all night.”
I laugh at my unflappable friend. “Then go get him!”
Becca gives my arm a final squeeze.
“Thanks for coming out tonight,” she says.
“Thanks for continuing to invite me despite all the times I say no.”
We embrace, and then Becca dashes away, off to chase her guy. I turn to Tommy to say good night.
“I think I’m gonna head out as well,” he says. “You want a ride? I didn’t drink.”
“Sure.”
Tommy has given me dozens of rides home, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary. What is a little strange is the way he’s looking at me, as if there’s more he wants to say.
I start to move towards the exit. If Tommy wants to talk, he can do it when we’ve escaped the noisiness of the party. For now, my thoughts are preoccupied with seeing Nate.
It’s almost midnight, and Nate doesn’t stay up that late usually, but it is a Friday. And, as I recall, he does stay up late if he wants to spend extra time doing wicked things to me in bed.
I speed-walk out of the dorm and towards the parking lot where Tommy parks his car. I did tell Nate I was going to be at this party. He probably assumed that he shouldn’t wait up for me. Now I’m wishing I told him I was going to want to see him afterwards.
So much for getting space to clear my head. This night off from Nate has only shown me how much I want him in my life, no matter how difficult or inconvenient it might be.
“Hey, Cynthia, slow down.” Tommy reaches out and brushes my elbow with his fingers. “It’s a nice night.”
“Huh?” I pause and look up at the clear sky and bright moon. “Oh, right. Yeah, it is nice.”
I don’t want to be rude to Tommy, but I try to communicate to him that I’m kinda in a rush. It’s impossible though. I can’t tell him about Nate, and there’s no possible reason that I would be in such a hurry to go to bed. Tommy would see through any lie. He has known me too long.
So I slow down and try to look like I’m enjoying the quiet walk. When I glance up at Tommy, worry creeps into my head. He’s looking down at me, and there’s a certain expression in his eyes.
It’s like he’s been craving dessert all day, and I’m a massive slice of chocolate cake.
I’ve suspected Tommy of having feelings for me, but I never thought they were that strong. I figured we would graduate and go our separate ways (me to med school in New York City, and him to med school in Philadelphia), and he wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship by making a move. It’s just a crush, that’s all. We don’t have a magnetic attraction, at least not on my side.
Tommy is cute, of course, and I adore him as a friend. He’s funny and down-to-earth, and he gets me and my personality. But I’ve never sensed any raw sensuality with him. I’ve never wanted to throw myself at him like I want with Nate.
It’s awkward just thinking about, so I hope for both our sakes, Tommy keeps his mouth shut tonight.
“It’s crazy that we’re graduating so soon,” Tommy says.
“Yeah,” I say. “But I think we’re ready. You’re gonna do great in Philly!”
Maybe if I talk about med school, he will not want to steer the conversation anywhere else.
“And you’re going to crush NYC,” Tommy says. “And we could still visit, they’re not that far apart.”
“Of course,” I say.
Tommy edges closer so that our shoulders are brushing as we walk. “I’m just really gonna miss you.”
“Yeah, I’ll miss you too. And Becca as well.” I keep my eyes staring straight ahead. I’m starting to regret agreeing to this. I should have just grabbed my bike and made my own way home.
Tommy is moving at a glacial pace towards the lot, and I’m doing everything in my power to not let my impatience show. I don’t want to hurt Tommy’s feelings, or worse make him so suspicious that he starts asking questions about why I’m in such a rush to get home.
At last we reach his car, and I pull open the passenger door. Once Tommy starts the engine, I flick on the radio. I’m not usually that into music (Becca comes up with the playlists whenever we hang out), but I want the distraction.
The drive is less than 5 minutes, but it feels like it takes forever. As we turn onto my street, Tommy clears his throat.
“I saw that guy try and flirt with you,” he says.
“Oh, it was nothing,” I say. “He wasn’t rude or anything.”
“Right,” Tommy says. “I just got a little upset I guess.”
Why is this happening now? I’m all tangled up about how I should confess my feelings for Nate and what his response will be, and now I have to worry about Tommy suddenly deciding to make a move.
My entire life, I’ve put zero effort into love and relationships, and now, all of a sudden, I have to deal with two men. I guess it’s not a real love triangle though. A true love triangle would mean I’m torn between my two options, but I’m not in agony over the decision. Any day of the week, I choose Nate. It’s not even a question.
I look out the window. Tommy has fallen silent, and I hope it means he is not going to say anything more tonight. But now I’m contemplating why I so quickly dismiss Tommy.
There’s nothing wrong with my old friend. In fact, there’s a lot that’s right with him. He’s my age, and he is in the same stage of life as me. He’s also headed to medical school which means he will understand my lifestyle and schedule.
I read a study once that
