Would it be so terrible if I went out there and scared him off? I wouldn’t have to cause a huge scene. I would just amble by, pretending once again to take out the trash, and wave at them. Then I could ask Cynthia if she was ok. That would make the guy feel like an intruder and give Cynthia an excuse to get out of the car.
Then again, she doesn’t exactly look like she needs rescuing.
A thought enters my head. What if Cynthia invited him back here? What if she wants to keep chatting with him because she intends to invite him up to her bedroom?
What if she’s done with me and wants to move on to other things? I was her first, but she has a right to explore.
The anger starts to reach a boiling point. I’m angry at this guy who dares to give her a ride home, I’m angry at Cynthia for lingering in that car, and I’m angry at myself. I should have told Cynthia ages ago how serious I was. I shouldn’t have gently hinted. I should never have said all that “let’s take it day by day” bullshit. I should have just told her that I didn’t want something casual. I can’t do casual with her, I’m pretty sure it would be impossible.
I never thought I would want to commit to anyone again, but now, watching Cynthia through the window, I’m reconsidering everything I thought I knew about myself.
I’m not going to interrupt, I’m not that unhinged. But I am curious. I can’t stay at a distance anymore.
So I turn on my heel and head towards my back door. I decide to abandon the whole taking out the trash act. It’s weird to take the trash out this late, and Cynthia would see right through it.
It’s dark enough that I can just stick to the shadows. I just want a closer look. I need to see how she looks at this younger man. I want to know if she looks at him like she looks at me.
It might be painful to see, but I need to get closer.
As quietly as I can, I open the back door and creep down my steps to the edge of my house.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Cynthia
Tommy falls silent after his declaration that he has something to say. I raise my brows and force myself to maintain eye contact. Tommy is my friend. I need to let him speak the truth.
“Yes?” I ask.
I don’t have all night, after all.
“Cynthia, I have feelings for you.” The confession falls out of Tommy in a rush, as if he’s been waiting years to say it. I guess, technically, he has. “I’ve felt them for ages, and I would hate myself if I didn’t tell you before we graduate.”
I nod and chew on my lip. I don’t want to react in any way that might hurt him so I take my time with my answer.
“We’ve always been such good friends,” I say at last.
“I know, I know,” Tommy says. “And I’ve debated whether this would ruin our friendship, but I actually think that’s why we would work. I know you, and you get me. We’re both medical students, we both understand our priorities. Don’t you see how great we could be together?”
He reminds me of a puppy. He’s so eager and excited. I can tell he’s been thinking about this for ages. He’s convinced himself that we’re the ideal match. I have to admit, he’s got tons of logical arguments on his side. Everything he’s saying makes sense. I’ve thought it to myself. We are the same age, and we are going to pursue careers in the same field.
Only it’s not always about logic. As much as it pains me to admit, there are other factors to consider, like compatibility and attraction. And sometimes, it’s good to be with someone who is a little different. Nate and I are certainly not exactly alike, and our differences only make things more interesting.
It would be simple with Tommy, but I don’t want it to be simple. I want Nate.
I’m not going to say that to Tommy though. He needs to be handled with sensitivity. The last thing that is going to help this awkward situation is me bringing up my sexy older landlord that I’ve been secretly sleeping with for the last few weeks.
“Tommy.” I reach out and put my hand on his forearm. “Don’t you think if it was meant to happen, it would have happened by now?”
Tommy furrows his brow, as if he is totally confused by my question. “Cynthia, I just thought you weren’t ready to date or any of that. But now that we’re about to graduate, I had to try and see if there was a chance.”
His voice peters out, and I’m moved by his apparent sadness. I do feel for him. Unrequited love can’t be very fun. That being said, Tommy will find someone else. He will discover someone who makes him feel like Nate makes me feel. Someone who will blow up his whole world, but he won’t even mind.
“I just don’t think we’re right for each other,” I say. “I don’t think there’s a spark between us.”
Tommy scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I thought you were too smart to believe in a ‘spark.’ That’s just what people say when they’re coming up with excuses.”
I prickle at his words. I get that he’s a bit hurt, but there’s no need for him to be so dismissive.
“Well, maybe I used to think that,” I say. “But now I think there is something. Relationships can’t just be about logic, there has to be passion as well.”
Tommy narrows his eyes. “Is there someone else? Are you seeing someone?”
I clamp my mouth shut. I’m so stupid, I should never have babbled on about sparks and passion.
“No.” I try to keep my tone as gentle but firm as possible. “Tommy, it’s not about another person, it’s just about
