She smiled sweetly. Holding his face, she said, “Get this through your head: if, for a split second, I did not like what you or we were doing together, you would be the first to know. I would yell, kick, sing or do whatever, but you would know. Okay? And you can regret other things you miss or get wrong, mostly conversational issues, but don’t put a damper on the consensual, hot sex. Okay?”
He swallowed and nodded. She smiled. “See? That wasn’t so hard.”
“Everything feels… hard.”
Oh, he teed them up to perfection for her. She bit her lip and tried to hide her blossoming smirk. Jim was quite serious; she could see it in his eyes and the dour set of his mouth. But she also perceived the sexual innuendo.
Kissing him sweetly, she replied, “I know.”
“I should go.”
She didn’t want him to leave. But knowing Rob and her mother could be anywhere in the house, and Eric was definitely there, who knew about Kathy or Karlee? Kayla shut her eyes and dropped her forehead on his. “Yes. God.” She lifted her gaze and winced. “Does my use of the word God offend you? I said it as a… I don’t know… just a personal expression. I don’t mean anything irreverent by it. It’s just… something I’ve always said.”
“No. Most people do. Even Christians.”
“What about pastors?” She grinned, lifting her face up to tease him. She stunned herself by realizing she was sexing up a pastor. Not a reality she ever imagined herself doing.
“No. I don’t use the Lord’s name unless I am addressing him.”
She nodded and kissed him, saying simply, “Okay. I’ll try not to so often. It might slip out occasionally, but I’ll sure try to refrain from it.”
“You don’t have to.”
She sighed as she started to sit up. “Oh, Pastor Jim, I think it’s the least I can do. I might have corrupted you. Have I deflowered your moral fiber? Led you away from the eternal light? Broken your vow of chastity?”
She finally rose to her feet and walked to her dresser to retrieve fresh underwear, which she slipped on before putting on loose pants. Feeling better, she turned to him. Jim was sitting on the edge of her bed. “Oh, Lord. Please tell me you haven’t taken a vow of celibacy and baptized yourself as a virgin again? I’ve heard of people who do that.”
He rested his elbows on his knees without looking at her. He often sat like this, she noticed, especially when he was feeling emotional. Or doing something that did not involve religion or books.
“No. Nothing like that.”
Then, what? Her curiosity was clearly visible. Truly, she feared the nosy, but necessary words would just fly out of her mouth. She wanted to ask Jim so badly, What?
His long fingers threaded together and he fidgeted. “I just was trying to be what you expect.”
She sat beside him. “You’re not any different than you were three weeks ago. You’re an amazing pastor. I don’t even like pastors or churches and I do like both of yours.”
She bumped into him gently. He side-eyed her. “You’re kidding me.”
“Kind of. Yes. But not totally.” Her smile slipped. “You really are amazing though, and I hope you let yourself continue to be. Forgive yourself for whatever you’re feeling. I feel it too. I get it. Jim, this… whew. This blew me straight out of the sky. Sex with you was like riding a rocket on a one-way shot to the moon and before you, it was more like flying a kite at the beach.”
His gaze sparked with more interest at her metaphor. “Really?”
She nodded. “Oh, yes, really. Look, I don’t claim to know what this means to you. I know it’s way more complicated for you than it is for me. But I don’t want it to end. It’s more than sex. Right? I mean, you don’t want to be fucking and hooking up. That seems much worse.”
“No.” His tone was sharp and sure.
She smiled. “You don’t like the word fuck. That I won’t give up, it so aptly explains how I feel. Anyway, I agree. It’s something. So just let it be something. We made the rules so you can trust I’ll follow them and maybe you can relax just a smidgeon.”
His shoulders physically lowered. “You don’t know how much that helps.”
“I do know by your reaction and relief. You can trust me. I’ll follow the rules.”
He gave her a small smile. “Thank you.”
His subdued show of gratitude contained true feeling and depth, which gleamed in his eyes, and he said a whole lot more without using words.
He started to rise and she took the cue and eased up. “Do you think anyone heard us? I tried to be quiet but I lost all sense of time and space there for awhile.”
“No. They can’t have. I doubt it.” He needed more convincing than she did.
“Why did you choose to do it here? If you’re so worried about anyone seeing you with me, why come over here?”
“I didn’t plan on it.”
“You brought a condom.” She tilted her head, calling his bluff.
“Yes. I guess I did but without admitting it to myself. I heard you come in and I just didn’t think.”
How rare. Possibly the first time.
“Okay.” She smiled softly and released him.
He nodded. “Okay.”
She headed towards her door and as they stepped out, he took her hand. “Kayla?”
Then they both froze when Karlee’s bedroom door flew open. She stared at them with bright eyes, darting from their faces down to their joined hands. Jim dropped Kayla’s hand like it was a hot coal burning his skin.
Karlee didn’t smirk and her eyes didn’t widen in surprise. “Hello, Jim.”
Jim swallowed; his eyes were big. “Karlee?” That snippy, angry tone that he formerly used with Kayla. Karlee stepped back and shut her door.
He turned to Kayla, closing his eyes and dropping his head before saying, “She’s going to tell everyone.”
“Not if I ask her
