“She’s eighteen years old. She will.”
“She’s not like anyone you know. She won’t. I promise.”
He doubted her but what could he do?
Then Jim left and Kayla sprinted into her sister’s room and burst in. “You can’t tell anyone.”
Karlee lay on her stomach on the bed, her legs kicked up behind her. Ear buds in, her phone before her, she yanked her ear buds out and replied, “That you’re boning Kathy’s ex?”
“I’m doing so much more than that, okay? Don’t ruin it for me. It has nothing to do with Kathy. Believe me. He needs more space right now. So please…”
Karlee yawned. “Duh. It’s Jim. He’ll resort to flagellating himself. Like they did centuries ago, when they—”
“Yes, I know what you mean.”
“Well, anyway he’ll have a tough time. Of course, I won’t tell.”
She wilted but smiled. “Thank you. He’s very stressed.”
“And very loud.”
She winced. “You knew?”
“Just had to check and see who it was. I’ll admit being surprised it was Jim. Jim!” She grinned and threw a pillow at Kayla.
Kayla flopped down. “I’m ashamed I did this here. You heard us—”
“Just a little. I’m only giving you shit. Some strange sounds before I sunk my ear buds in and figured I didn’t need to know.”
She shuddered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. But… it’s different. So unusual for me.”
“Okay. Then I won’t tell and if you need anything…”
“I can’t come to my little sister for advice about this.”
Karlee swung her legs around and tossed her phone. “Well, for one, I’ve already had sex so you can come to me a little. And two, eventually, you have to quit treating me like your little sister. I’m just a sister like Kathy. For crap’s sake. You talk to Kathy about sex. At least I know what it’s really like.”
Kayla ruffled her sister’s hair. “I only did it to shock Kathy a long time ago. And then it was to jolt her into realizing she had zero sexual attraction toward Jim and it was important.”
“Because you know all about it now.”
Her smile faded. “I didn’t plan it. I swear. It started the night they broke up and happened without any premeditation. Like a freaking comet streaking through the sky. I had no idea it was coming and then it was gone. It was beautiful and strange and different and I felt changed afterwards. But other than that? Nothing.”
“Don’t let him hurt you.”
“That’s the goal.”
Kayla hugged Karlee and retreated. Ashamed. Exhilarated. Confused. Weary. And not so sure it wasn’t exactly what she hoped would happen.
Chapter 7
HOW DID HE DO that again?
Jim’s hand shook as he tried to write a sermon. Just to pen some thoughts but nothing came. He tossed the pen down and tried typing but that was worse. The cursor stared back at him after a few sentences.
But Jim saw nothing.
Except Kayla.
He imagined her in all the ways he shouldn’t have, along with the ways he should. He imagined her in every way and loved it. But it shamed him. What a barbarian he was to her. Slamming her against her bedroom door. Who knows who could have been home besides Karlee? And then again on the carpet.
The red abrasion on her creamy white, soft skin yanked him into dismay and he feared he hurt her. Could the beast in him actually harm another person?
His head hurt. This was becoming too much. Karlee knew their secret; why would the eighteen-year-old high school senior keep it quiet? How could he trust her? What fun she would have with the gossip mongers, saying what happened when her older sister’s ex-fiancé chose to be with her oldest sister?
There was no undoing it now. He fully intended, with his entire soul, to stay away from Kayla and avoid her at all costs, never letting it happen again. He prayed hard, asking for God’s forgiveness for losing control and breaking all the promises he’d made. But they were so easily broken. All of it happened so unexpectedly that he didn’t realize how weak he was regarding the subject. In all the years he spent with Kathy, he never came close to breaking the vows he made to himself and God when he was ordained. He regretted his past, yes, but like Kayla said, it was not a formalized process. He’d promised God never to have sex again if and until he got married. It was no problem at all with Kathy. They shared some nice make-out sessions, but if it became too amorous, or threatened his peace of mind, (i.e., he got an erection), he simply stopped. Kathy never demanded more so it was pretty easy to continue on an even keel.
Just a taste of Kayla’s mouth wiped out all of his careful planning and promises. His oath to keep an ample distance from the subject was gone. Deaf, dumb, blind, and turned on in seconds, he never backed down from her after that.
There was relief in not being able to work at the church right then, as contractors had much of it torn apart. The new flooring was installed. A group of volunteers who were not at church the day of the shooting showed up to help renovate the worship room.
He was grateful for all their time and effort but he still could not unsee the picture of it on that fateful day. It remained in his mind. He didn’t want to enter the room, much less speak in it. His feet were encased in concrete along with his heart.
He couldn’t shake the malaise hovering over him. He didn’t feel like doing anything, yet sitting in his apartment was even worse. He was so tired that nothing could capture his focus or attention for long. While he was trying to read and write, he imagined a colony of ants crawling up his leg that made him jump around and fidget. He often went outside just to walk through the streets of Everett, where he lived. Usually in the afternoons and the middle of the night.
