And Beck had been the one to hug her and kiss her and not give her a second’s grief when she went on her next assignment. He’d understood the job, known she was competent.
She rolled on her stomach, giving him the access he needed. “I think eight hours in the car probably did it.”
He put one big hand on the small of her back and heat flooded her system. “Really? You think it was the drive and not the fact that you were in a horrific car accident?”
The minute he pressed down in exactly the right place she sighed. Sometimes the absence of pain was pure pleasure. “Can you call it an accident? I think that was pretty much what Ari intended to do. I’m not complaining. I was never happier to get out of a limo in my life. God, that feels good.”
He started to work the muscle in easy strokes. “I would have done pretty much anything to get you out of that car. I know I was an ass earlier. I’m sorry. I do want to be here with you. It’s complicated. Ever since I saw you again in Colorado, I can’t stop thinking about you, about our marriage. I thought I was over it all.”
“I don’t think our marriage is the kind of thing you get over. I know I haven’t, and I know why, but I don’t think we have the same reasons.”
“Because you still love me.”
She hated how vulnerable that made her, but it was true. “Yes.”
“Why do you think that can’t be my reason, too?” Beck asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t want to fight. Anything I say right now is going to push you over the edge and I just can’t.”
He was quiet for a moment, his strong hands easing her pain. She wished she wasn’t wearing the pajama bottoms she’d found, wished she’d had a gown on instead so she could feel those hands on her skin.
“That’s what I do, isn’t it? I argue with anything you say. Even if I agree with it, I fight. Do you wonder why that is?” Beck’s voice was as soothing as his hands.
“Because you hate me.”
“Because if I don’t, if I let my guard down for a single second, I’ll remember everything I ever loved about you and I’ll give in. But lately I’ve wondered if I’m not punishing myself as much as I am you. And I’m wondering why I’m punishing you at all.”
She needed to remind him or they would both be in a bad position. She pushed up off the table so she could look him in the eyes. “Because you blame me for what happened to your brother. Please don’t forget that. I say it because I know if you forget, it won’t be long before something reminds you and we’re right back to you hating me again.”
He stood where he was, dangerously close to her. “Tell me why you took the Colorado job.”
Her chest felt too tight. It always did when she thought about the time she’d spent in Bliss. It had been a place she’d almost managed to think of as home. “It was Colorado. It’s beautiful. It’s peaceful. I got to spend months and months surrounded by those mountains and those crazy people. It’s the best job I’ve had and all I had to do was watch John Bishop.”
“Tell me why you really took the job.”
She kind of wished she’d taken the pain and stayed in bed. Telling him the truth would likely be far more uncomfortable than her leg had been. “Because you were involved with Ian Taggart, and I knew there was no way you didn’t end up in that town. Because John Bishop was one of Ian’s mentors. Because by then you had gotten involved in the Lost Boys lives, and it was a good bet someone was going to go for The Ranch.”
The Ranch had been a research site funded by some of the darker elements of the CIA. It was a secret site deep in the Sangre de Cristo mountains. It was where Hope McDonald had done much of her early work. The site had been closed down suddenly and without notice, so all the research and data that had been inside had gotten trapped. She’d known the Lost Boys would someday come for that knowledge because they’d been a big part of those experiments.
Beck stared down at her. “You wanted to work your way into my life again?”
“No, asshole. I wanted to make sure you survived.” She started to move off the table. He was so fucking arrogant.
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, I was asking. That’s all.”
He was also forgetting a few very important facts about that time. “I didn’t exactly announce I was there, you know.”
His lips kicked up in the sweetest grin. “No, you made damn sure you were never in the same room with me. I thought River’s friend Heather was a figment of everyone’s imagination. Especially Tucker’s.”
She winced. “He was definitely interested in female companionship. And he wasn’t picky about it at the time. We’re never telling his wife that story.”
Roni was one of the only people in their world who didn’t look at her with suspicion. Roni had made her feel like one of the girls. She would do a lot to avoid hurting Roni Croft-Seeger.
A single brow cocked over his eyes. “Yeah, you’re the one the less picky guys go for.” He studied her for a moment. “You’re still the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met.”
She rolled her eyes at that. “Yeah, you followed Mia Lawless around for a good six months. I’m sure
